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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Does this sound preachy? ERF related...
I have a coworker and friend who has a one year old. We went to her daughter's first birthday party yesterday. Today she posts on Facebook that she turned her DDs car seat around and happily posts a picture of it.
They are the most baby safe family I have ever seen. Organic everything, absolute best day care (super spendy), super baby proofed house.
About two month ago I she asked me for car seat recommendations because she "had no clue, had done no research, and greatly trusted my opinion".
I gave her a few good recommendations and she bought one of them.
This is the facebook message I sent her, I really didn't want to sound preachy or negative but I have a feeling she just doesn't know. She is really the type of mom who probably would ERF if she knew.
Thinking back I should have just talked to her about it when I gave her the recommendations and been like "Oh, this one is great because it has the highest RF weight" then explained why it mattered. That way I would have felt like I already casually mentioned it. Arg...
I normally probably wouldn't say anything but since I gave her the car seat recommendations because she "had done no research" I felt differently this time.
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Hey (insert friends name),
I didn't want to be the Debbie Downer on your post so I figured I would personally message you.
The
AAP recently changed their recommendations for forward facing kids in
car seats to at least 2 years or the maximum weight your car seat can
be rear facing (in a Britax Marathon that is 35 pounds)..
Here are a few of the videos that explain why:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8gU9zzCGA8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2DVfqFhseo
I hope I don't come off preachy, I just did a lot of research about and thought I would pass along!
Carter had fun at (insert DD's name)'s party yesterday 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Does this sound preachy? ERF related...
It absolutely is preachy and 100% judgey.
She didn't ask for your advice on ERF, she asked for your advice on carseats.
Guess what? We turned DS around the second he turned 20 pounds. You know why? He was an effing nightmare to travel with when he was RF. He would scream at the top of his lungs for the entire duration of traveling, whether it was five minutes or three hours.
DH and I made a decision that was right for our family. Maybe this "friend" of yours was in a similar situation? Did you stop to think about that?
IMO, anything where you're telling another parent what to do with their kid sounds preachy. but you might be closer than that.
Preachy. You had your chance to tell her about ERF'ing when she asked you for car seat recommendations.
Post a video on your page if you want to get the info out there.
Emily 8.8.08
Madeline 1.2.11
William 8.5.12
You need to mind your own business. It's not your place to tell her how to parent her child. You don't know 100% that she didn't research RF vs. FF. Keeping a child RF until two is a recommendation not a law. Legally she can turn him at one year of age and 20 lbs if she chooses to and it is her choice.
You shouldn't give unsolicited parenting advice.
under normal circumstances, i would've said that you should've stayed out of it. however, she specifically told you that she hadn't researched and she totally respected your opinions, so there is a possibility that she had no idea about the ERF recs.
and if she does already know about ERF and still chose to turn her DC, at least you didn't rip her a new one or anything. no harm in a friendly heads up if she specifically said she respects your opinion!
I absolutely agree. If she wanted your opinion on rf she would have asked for it. Mind your own business.
Update: So, I heeded your advice and sent her this message:
-------
Ok, I reread this and if I got this message, it might make me mad that someone is sending me info on how to do things with my children. I apologize if it came off that way.
I feel stupid now... please just delete my earlier message.
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I am so not the type to send messages like that and I have seen COUNTLESS friends post the same thing and have never said anything. For some reason I felt responsible since I didn't casually sneak it 2 months ago when I had a less preachy chance.
We turned our son around at 12 months because he screamed his head of RF but I *did* have a concerned friend send me those video and a couple links. I was horrified and it did change my opinion that if I had a cooperative RF-er, that'd I'd keep him/her that way as long as possible. For our son and our family, FF was the best (and safest) thing.
If you're close with this gal, I don't think your email sounded preachy at all. I wasn't offended by my friend sending me that information.
This. What are friends for if you can't give/take advice??? I rely on my friends heavily for advice, so if one of my friends said something like this to me, it wouldn't bother me one bit.
ETA: While I readily ask my friends for advice, I still make my own decisions based on what I believe is best. But I am one of those persons who wants to know another person's perspective on things.
9/24/2011 Plymouth Firefighters 5k: 47:13
11/12/2011 Diva Dash 5k: 45:45
5/5/2012 STEM school 5k TBD Coming up in 2012:
6/10/2012 Walk to Remember SIDS foundation 5k
(in memory of a sweet baby boy)
11/10/2012 Diva Dash 5k
I think what makes something like that preachy is really the feeling behind it.
If she reads it and still keeps her kid FF, are you going to feel judgy? Because if you are, then yes, it's preachy.
If you share info regularly and won't "tsk-tsk" her in your head every time you see her strap her kid in the car, then no. Not so much.
But regardless of your intent, how she takes it could always be completely different.
no, I don't think it sounded preachy.
I have a friend who was using a RFing seat FFing, she was using a 13 year old carseat and letting her kid forward face in her mom's car at the age of 10 months and 18 lbs.
I told her, I emailed her links and I even told her that he needs to be buckled tightly in his seat, and that the straps being twisted could impact his safety.
Did I feel preachy? No I felt really worried. I knew how much this mom cared about her kid, and I knew that she just plain didn't know any better. She was not even aware that RFing was required. Should she have done her own research? yes, but she hadn't
and I know that her kid is safer now, because I had to guts to stand up for him. If she chooses to turn him around now (he is about 15 months) that is on her, but I let her know what was safest.
Your friend said she didnt do research, so I see no reason why it would be bad to share the info with her.
Breleigh & Mason
My blog
Well this post is about to get interesting.
For some people, the point is that nobody is safe in a car that is being driven by a distracted driver. I think a screaming child is at least as distracting as a cell phone.
And some kids get so physically upset, they vomit and choke. Also not terribly safe.
The OP isn't necessarily preachy and self-righteous. You seem to be.
I was okay with the screaming. The throwing up every car ride is just not worth it after a while.
Breleigh & Mason
My blog
Better yet, I'll give you my daughter for the day. Get ready to go into the grocery store, and clean up the chunks and nastiness off of her before you go in. Also, try not to heave when you smell it when you get back in the car. FF is not UNsafe. I would love to ERF her, but some battles you just can't win. I just don't think you can be judgey McJudgerson until youve been there ::shrug::
ETA: MrsVictoria, I didnt mean you alone. I just meant in general, because I've had people tell me "Id leave them even if they were puking". Sorry, I reread my post and realized it sounded different than I meant it
Breleigh & Mason
My blog
Where do you live? So I can stay away from any roads you are driving on. I'm sure it's like a relaxing drive in the country for you when your kid is screaming his/her bloody head off. I'm sure you aren't distracted at all. I'm sure it's very safe.
I believe it was the I-must-be-the-only-one, holier-than-thou-ness. Grow up.
My blog