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Rare: a NGPR vent from me
I never vent on here, but I'm REALLY irritated with this situation and I'm wondering if I'm over reacting. So. For two months, DH's two BFF have been asking him to grow out his beard so they could go as some stupid band for Halloween. They had all their costumes planned and DH was SO excited. DH is a little shy and quiet compared to the two, so he usually kind of goes along with what they want to do.
BFF number one was supposedly having this huge Halloween party at his new house last night; costumes, drinking, over 50 people, etc, and around 4:00 p.m. we get a text from him saying it was no longer a big deal, but a small getogether with no costumes....?? So, we get there and we're hanging out when I notice BFF number two passing around a camera. When it gets to me I see pictures of the two BFF in costume at some bar on Friday.. with all the rest of our friends. I get very confused.. I worked late on Friday so I figured maybe DH got invited to this bar and forgot to mention it to me... but no, he mentions he was not invited. I was PISSED. When I confronted them on why he wasn't invited, they replied stunned with "we didn't think he'd be into it." OKAY, SO WHY WOULD YOU HAVE HIM GROW OUT HIS BEARD FOR TWO MONTHS??
I told DH to get his shoes, we were leaving. The house was SILENT while we left and today BFF number one kicked ME off his facebook.. seriously??? uggghhh. I know DH's feelings were very hurt, so I just freaked. Is this really MY fault?? Because I got angry he was left out??
BFF number one was supposedly having this huge Halloween party at his new house last night; costumes, drinking, over 50 people, etc, and around 4:00 p.m. we get a text from him saying it was no longer a big deal, but a small getogether with no costumes....?? So, we get there and we're hanging out when I notice BFF number two passing around a camera. When it gets to me I see pictures of the two BFF in costume at some bar on Friday.. with all the rest of our friends. I get very confused.. I worked late on Friday so I figured maybe DH got invited to this bar and forgot to mention it to me... but no, he mentions he was not invited. I was PISSED. When I confronted them on why he wasn't invited, they replied stunned with "we didn't think he'd be into it." OKAY, SO WHY WOULD YOU HAVE HIM GROW OUT HIS BEARD FOR TWO MONTHS??
I told DH to get his shoes, we were leaving. The house was SILENT while we left and today BFF number one kicked ME off his facebook.. seriously??? uggghhh. I know DH's feelings were very hurt, so I just freaked. Is this really MY fault?? Because I got angry he was left out??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Rare: a NGPR vent from me
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
My feelings would definitely be hurt but I don't think I would have left the party. It does suck that you and your DH weren't invited to the bar but I think I would have let DH decide how he wanted to react to the situation since they are his BFFs.
But I would still be pissed.
This.
I don't think it was your fault but was your DH embarrassed that you made a big deal when he didn't? I know my DH would be pissed and embarrassed if I jumped down his friends throats in front of everyone instead of letting him handle in on his own when he wanted to. That is just us though everyone is different.
Are his two friends married? If not maybe they thought he wouldn't be into it because he is?
This. They are his BFF's, and I would be concerned that he was embarrassed or upset by your reaction.
Its such a fine line with what to say in these situations, but I really do understand your being hurt and protective. I know I get super protective of my DH when I feel like his feelings are being hurt.
That being said, I think you probably should have said "wow that was really inconsiderate etc" but storming out of the 'party' is probably a bit much. They are your DH's BFF not yours. Sure he should stand up to them and say WTH, but if he doesn't..that is HIS issue. Furthermore now there is weirdness for his friends with you. It just makes a stupid situation of guys being inconsiderate a lot more than it had to be.
Also how old is this friend, 12? seriously he kicked you off his facebook? Sounds like your DH has some fantastic friends.
No he wasn't embarressed, he was just as pissed as I was, but wasn't vocal about it. As soon as we got out of the house he was like "I can't believe this, what the hell did I do to deserve that from them?.. let's just go home." We were supposed to stop by like two other parties. I know I got REALLY annoyed and probably over reacted a bit, but I'm just like that when people I love get hurt. I don't know.
this.
I understand what you're saying-they are his BFF's. I guess I need to stop rescuing him when he decides he wants to stay "silent and pissed." That's a good point.
This, exactly.
I completely understand being protective when someone you loved gets hurt I am the same way. Men usually get over things a lot quicker than women do and now it is going to be an awkward situation because you stood up for DH and he didn't stand up from himself.
Yeahhh.. its a bit hard because he is SO shy, he won't stand up for himself or say anything even if he's being trampled on. I'm the COMPLETE opposite I guess, and there have been issues with these two guys for a while now. I constantly ask DH why he even bothers hanging out with these clowns, but they're his oldest friends.. so I can kind of understand the reason it's hard for him to stay away. Whatever.
Yeahhh.. its a bit hard because he is SO shy, he won't stand up for himself or say anything even if he's being trampled on. I'm the COMPLETE opposite I guess, and there have been issues with these two guys for a while now. I constantly ask DH why he even bothers hanging out with these clowns, but they're his oldest friends.. so I can kind of understand the reason it's hard for him to stay away. Whatever.
Tough situation. I tend to stay out of my husband's friendship business (not sure what else to call it) and offer support rather than advice. He tends to think positively and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt even when he's being taken advantage of.
Recently, mutual college friends of ours got married. The groom was a fraternity brother of DH and the bride is my sorority sister. I got invited to her bridal shower and bach party, DH did not get invited to the groom's bacherlor party weekend. My immediate reaction was similiar to yours, but I had to control it because I promised myself not to get involved. He was hurt, but got over it. Guys tend to move on, whereas women tend to dwell or react dramatically when friendship conflicts occur. Not referring to you at all!
Sounds to me like the guys are immature and the whole Facebook thing was slightly dramatic for grown men. You can't do anything about your reaction, so there is no use feeling bad or guilty. Let your DH decide what to do from here and just be supportive. Hard, I know!
You and most of everyone else are absolutely right. I think I let my emotions get the best of me.. I probably should have taken a deep breath before leaving so angry. I guess it just ALL came down on me-DH being hurt, hating one of the BFF's biitchy GF's with the passion, the constant bantering at DH's expense.. I should have though twice. The facebook this IS ridiculous though, you're right.