how to mend a broken heart
I had my baby on Sept. 5th and she is doing great, she's healthy, happy, and all that a parent could ask for.
But I am not doing as well, I got sick and had to go to the hospital, I am bipolar 2 (it is the more manageable kind), and giving birth triggered an episode. My husband and I are having a very difficult time getting along, we have been fighting a few times a week, for almost 2 months now, and this is starting to take a toll on our relationship. He said that every time I yell at him his heart bleeds and he does not know how much more he can take. I cry for no reason because I am depressed, and am prisoner to my own thoughts, my thoughts are not my own, and I often find myself sad. Then there are other times that I get angry for no reason, and I yell at my hubby and say hurtful things that I do not mean, even when I say them.
Last nite, was a big low for us, because I talked about wanting to get divorced. When I think long and hard about it, I do not really want it. But sometimes I just wish I could feel better today, like now. It's been almost 2 months now, and I have been on medicince and have been improving but the Dr. does not know how much longer it is going to be until I am completely myself again, and feeling better. I just do not know what else to do. He has gone to a support group in town and it was kinda helpful, but he read that couples where one person is bipolar have a 90 percent chance of divorce. That to me is so discouraging. I love him, but I cannot meet his needs and I do not feel happy.
I am going to chat with my pastor next week for some marital advice, but what else can I do to help our marriage? I love my hubby. We have know each other since 2000 and I want to be with him forever. But I need to feel better fast.
Re: how to mend a broken heart
Have you talked to your doctor lately about this, to see if maybe you should change up your medicine? Also, talking with a pastor will do you some good, I am sure, but you may have more success talking with a psychologist, SW or other therapist who has experience with bipolar disorder. Couples therapy would be good, too.
Having a new baby can be very, very stressful. My heart goes out to you.
having my DD was the hardest, most stressful thing that i have ever gone through in my life.
you are still fresh from childbirth, your hormones are all over the place. Talk to your DH and see if he can 'lay low' for a bit. His job right now is to make your life easier. Your job is to take care of yourself and your LO.
Just before I gave birth I read something that I told my DH. It actually helped us. Just agree between you and your DH that for the first 12 weeks after birth neither of you can take offense at the other one. If one of you snaps at the other - you just gotta let it go.
It really helped us.
GL
I'm so sorry you are going through. This! I agree with pp, having a baby is so stressful. DH and I fought so much in the first year I seriously thought we were close to divorce plus add terminal illness (ILs) and recent deaths in the family (same ILs) along with home renovations and a crappy job and I imagined we would be divorced by now but we just hung in there and got therapy and just gave each other space. Things gradually got better.
I would definitely stress to your DH that a new born + hormonal changes adds so much stress and that you love him and are getting help. You are working on this and perhaps couples therapy would work. Just try to be patient. DH and I now take time to go out when we are stressed. No marriage is perfect but its worth fighting for if thats what you both want!
Good lcuk!
Oh man - I am sorry you are dealing with this. I see a LOT of women with Bipolar Disorder through pregnancy and post-partum (I am a psychiatrist) and the first thing you need to tell yourself is that you are not alone. The chance of relapsing or decompensating for someone with BPD after childbirth is, well, it is pretty much a given.
Does your psychiatrist know of any support groups specifically for moms with BPD? Do you have friends or family who can give you some down-time? Can you hire someone?
Given that you are in therapy - talk to your therapist about doing some couples therapy. It might be a good idea.
Also, is your husband in therapy or does he go to a support group? Being with someone who has a mental illness can be difficult (and I am saying that in a totally non-judgemental way). Maybe he needs it, too.
Are you currently on meds? Or did you stop for pregnancy & breastfeeding? If that's the case, I would say to resume your meds (or talk to a dr. about starting some) as it can really even things out for you mood-wise. There may be some you can take while BFing- if not, it's probably better for the baby to have formula & a happy mom than to have breastmilk and an unhappy one.
GL!