Adoption and Religion

amberfernandez · October 2009

Has anyone found that a particular religious belief, or lack there-of has been a barrier to adoption? We were recently asked to "clarify" our religious beliefs or lack-there-of on a form from a facilitator we were applying to, and I was wondering if anyone else has had this experience.

lilmufish · October 2009

When we were attempting to do foster care through the county, we were told that we could not share our religious beliefs with the children in our home (we're catholic, not some balloon boy family with crazy out of this world beliefs). We switched over to our private agency, and we know at least two couples who were not able to go through our agency to either do domestic or foster care to adopt because they do not belong to a christian church.

So I guess i've seen both sides.

I imagine for domestic adoption it could be important (either way) because a birth mother I'm sure is looking for something specific when it comes to that.

Temp206787500007404 · October 2009

Just like their are adoptive parents who are various religions or just spiritual or not religious at all, there are also birthmothers who have similar beliefs. Some don't care, some do.

We were turned down by birthmothers multiple times because we are Protestant Christians and not Catholic.

sbhWImom · October 2009

I agree with MrsB2007.

E's birthmom specifically was looking for a non-catholic family. It was a deal-breaker for her. I'm sure just as she was looking for a lack of a particular religion, others are seeking a particular choice for the faith their child will grow up in.

The important thing is that you will be matched with the right child... and this is just another factor in the birthmom's decision making process.

KatiesCats · October 2009

As someone who has done tons of research on international adoption, I've been extremely frustrated by the lack of options for an atheist couple. Some countries have religious requirements, and even if they don't, most agencies do. I have found it impossible to find an agency that will adopt to an atheist. Anyone know otherwise? FWIW, we're not looking to adopt immediately; we are just researching and preparing for the future, when we would like to adopt internationally (we are considering Haiti at the moment, and hoping that things with Haitian adoption clear up in the next 6 years or so).

amberfernandez · October 2009

I guess I am just frustrated that because we don't have religious beliefs, we can't even get on with certain agencies to be presented to birthmothers who may not be looking for a specific belief. These agencies are not ones that openly purport themselves as affiliated with a specific religious belief.

Of course in the non-acceptance letters, they don't say we weren't accepted due to our religious beliefs. But everything else in our apps are par for the course, we're open to almost every situation of child, but the only thing that strays from mainstream is our lack of a chosen religion.

Sometimes this process is so frustrating, we all want to be parents more than anything, and we would be awesome parents, yet I have to jump through so many hoops just to prove the point, when everyone around me has a child at the drop of a hat!

Sorry, I have the flu, so i'm sure it's just adding to my level of frustration

KatiesCats · October 2009

It's extremely frustrating to me, and sad. I get that Christian agencies believe they're doing "God's work," but it's sad to think that they'd rather a child NOT get a home, than get a home with two very loving, responsible, intelligent, happily-married, committed, moral people who just happen to be atheists.

GulfCoaster · October 2009

Have any of you looked at Jewish agencies? Some areas have Jewish Family Services or the equivalent -- and I do get the sense that those agencies are more open religiously. Of course, that may only be in our area (b/c there aren't many Jewish people in the Deep South), and your experience may vary.

I also got one recommendation of an agency that my friend said has a good mix of religions (and non-religion) represented among the prospective adoptive parents. I haven't really investigated them much yet, so I cannot vouch for them, but I can PM you the info if you like.

ETA: That agency is based in California.

Dr.Loretta · October 2009

It seems to vary by agency in our area. Our SW said religion is very low on the list of things e-moms look for at our agency: they're more focusing on whether the adoptive mom will be a SAHM, and other intangibles. They've had a few cases where it was an issue, but not very often.

However, our agency is a secular non-profit. Are you working with a facilitator associated with a particular denomination?

Dragonfly_Bride · October 2009

I haven't run into this problem, but I'm pretty good at feeling out where I wouldn't be welcomed due to my agnostic ways. In California, I guess I got the religious feel more from facilitators than non-profit agencies. If you decide to go with an agency instead you may have fewer problems. They'll still ask about religion, but it's not to preclude you from adopting through them.

noonecarewhoiam · October 2009

We deliberately selected a secular non-profit (which also happens to be an extremely established and well-regarded agency) for our adoptions. On the Korea side, I believe most of the agencies are religious in nature, but they don't require that one be Christian.

We did say that we celebrate Christmas with family--we just neglected to mention that we celebrate the crass commerical Christmas that some people abhor.

foundmylazybum · October 2009

Dr.Loretta:
It seems to vary by agency in our area. Our SW said religion is very low on the list of things e-moms look for at our agency: they're more focusing on whether the adoptive mom will be a SAHM, and other intangibles. They've had a few cases where it was an issue, but not very often.
However, our agency is a secular non-profit. Are you working with a facilitator associated with a particular denomination?

::crumples:::

I have no religion, and i want to work after busting my arse through school!

No Birth mom will want my overeducated under faithed family!

noonecarewhoiam · October 2009

Don't worry, Foundmylazybum! If I have a miracle "oops" baby, I'll pick you! Your baby will find you. Just not in church.

lrrb · October 2009

I dont know what to tell you, we used a Christian agency bc we are Christians. Im sorry you are having a hard time.

foundmylazybum · October 2009

lrrb:
I dont know what to tell you, we used a Christian agency bc we are Christians. Im sorry you are having a hard time.

I'd make a blank face here but my mac doesn't do that.

noonecarewhoiam · October 2009

foundmylazybum:
lrrb:

I dont know what to tell you, we used a Christian agency bc we are Christians. Im sorry you are having a hard time.

I'd make a blank face here but my mac doesn't do that.

Do you want this one Hmm ?

Or this one Confused ?

lrrb · October 2009

noonecarewhoiam:
foundmylazybum:
lrrb:

I dont know what to tell you, we used a Christian agency bc we are Christians. Im sorry you are having a hard time.

I'd make a blank face here but my mac doesn't do that.

Do you want this one?

Or this one?

I like the second one ladies!

Oh and like I said before Im sorry your having a hard time. Adoption is just plan hard peroid but Im SURE there are PLENTY of agencies out there that don't care about religion! GL sweetie!

foundmylazybum · October 2009

of course adoption is hard no matter what, but the post is actually asking for advice about what to do if you are not religously oriented. Clearly this is a real issue for some of us here and realistically it could hold us back! We are looking for advice or at the very least support. The prevoious post offered... Neither really. I don't know.. I just wondered what that post was adding.

lrrb · October 2009

foundmylazybum:
of course adoption is hard no matter what, but the post is actually asking for advice about what to do if you are not religously oriented. Clearly this is a real issue for some of us here and realistically it could hold us back! We are looking for advice or at the very least support. The prevoious post offered... Neither really. I don't know.. I just wondered what that post was adding.

Support. God or no God I still think I can offer that! Have a great one!

amberfernandez · October 2009

I think it's awesome for those of you that were able to find an agency that catered to your specific religions or didn't care, because they have all kinds of birthmothers. Unfortunately, for those of us that don't have a religion, we are very much discriminated against, even though there are birthmothers out there that don't care. The agencies, facilitators, and attorney's are making decisions based on their own belief systems whether we would be good parents and are therefore not accepted into their programs.

It is sad that in this day and age, that even though my husband and I are well-educated, have stable careers, make plenty of money, have a nice home in a nice neighborhood, have never comitted any crimes, don't drink, don't smoke, and will love a child more than anything in the entire world, that we are looked down upon because we don't subscribe to an organized religion, all because we have infertility issues and cannot, no matter what we do, have a biological child of our own.

I didn't mean to start any arguments with my original post, I'm just looking for any help for those in the same situation, and maybe some PM's with names of agencices, facilitators, etc, that you used that did not discriminate against you because of your lack of religion. We are in CA, but based on our experience, are pretty much open to anything as we just want a child more than anything, just like everyone else on this board. I have found a very small facilitator associated with women's clinics that don't care about religion, but they only do on average 8 adoptions a year, which makes it that much harder to match, but we'll do what we have to.

Any advice from those of you that have gone through the same situation is more than welcomed!

lrrb · October 2009

Okay well because I have not delt with it, I guess I shouldn't have posted but I did want to tell you I was sorry for your struggle, its the last thing you need. Im out but good luck with your journey however you may get there!

noonecarewhoiam · October 2009

I'm in Illinois, so I can't help on the agency front. But there HAS to be an agency somewhere not too far (even if it's San Francisco) that will help you. You could try Yahoo groups to see if there are any local adoption groups.

Sacramento Adoption Center doesn't appear to be religious. California Association of Adoption Agencies has a map with all the agencies by county.

I refuse to believe that in a state as huge as California (and near an area as progressive as SF) you won't be able to find an agency.

Dragonfly_Bride · October 2009

I'll send you a PM about my experiences so far. Check it in a few minutes or so.?

foundmylazybum · October 2009

**AmberF**:
I think it's awesome for those of you that were able to find an agency that catered to your specific religions or didn't care, because they have all kinds of birthmothers. Unfortunately, for those of us that don't have a religion, we are very much discriminated against, even though there are birthmothers out there that don't care. The agencies, facilitators, and attorney's are making decisions based on their own belief systems whether we would be good parents and are therefore not accepted into their programs.
It is sad that in this day and age, that even though my husband and I are well-educated, have stable careers, make plenty of money, have a nice home in a nice neighborhood, have never comitted any crimes, don't drink, don't smoke, and will love a child more than anything in the entire world, that we are looked down upon because we don't subscribe to an organized religion, all because we have infertility issues and cannot, no matter what we do, have a biological child of our own.
I didn't mean to start any arguments with my original post, I'm just looking for any help for those in the same situation, and maybe some PM's with names of agencices, facilitators, etc, that you used that did not discriminate against you because of your lack of religion. We are in CA, but based on our experience, are pretty much open to anything as we just want a child more than anything, just like everyone else on this board. I have found a very small facilitator associated with women's clinics that don't care about religion, but they only do on average 8 adoptions a year, which makes it that much harder to match, but we'll do what we have to.
Any advice from those of you that have gone through the same situation is more than welcomed!

Thank you for stating that much more eloquently than I could (from my iphone!)

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