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Pushing, please help!!

BrideinbklynBrideinbklyn
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
My DD, who will be 2 next week, has decided that her new thing is going to be pushing. She does it in the playground, to her friends on playdates, last week she did it to a baby at the playground and I almost cried. It is driving me crazy. She used to go up to kids and give them big hugs. Now she is a big bully. We have told her that it is not ok, told her that it makes us sad, that it makes the other kids sad, given her timeouts, nothing seems to stop her. She will say, "I not push. Pushing is not ok" and then 5 minutes later she shoves someone. Then I talk to her about it and she says "Mommy is very sad that Maya pushed. Sorry mommy." Obviously she is very verbal. :-) Is this just a 2 year old thing. How can I stop this behavior? It is really bugging me! Help!
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Re: Pushing, please help!!

  • neverblushedneverblushed member

    A couple of things could be going on here.

    One possibility is that she really truly does know that pushing another child is wrong, but that she lacks the impulse control to stop herself from doing it when a frustrating situation develops with another child.  If she's mostly pushing to get other children out of her way and speed up the flow of toddler traffic, then it's possible she just hasn't reached the point where she can stop herself from doing it.  That would be very toddler-like!

    Another possibility is that your consequence -- time out -- is not clear and immediate enough to be a meaningful teaching tool in this situation.  Time out might be too disconnected from her actions for her to really "get it" that the time out is a result of the pushing.  Or, she isn't that bothered by having a time out, or being told by you "pushing is not okay".  So, the price of doing what I want, when I want is having to sit on a bench for 2 minutes while Mommy chats at me?  I can live with that.  Done talking, Mommy?  Great -- I'm back on the playground and ready to push someone down again.

    A final possibility is that pushing is ambiguous.  You may need to make the rule "no touching other children" for a while.  What seems to be clearly a "push" to you might seem to be just a gentle "hey, scoot over a bit -- oops, what're you doing down on the ground, friend?" to your DD! 

    Either way, I think you need to step up your game a little on this issue, since the first things you've tried clearly aren't working.  Here's what I'd do:

    When you get to the park/playground/playdate/whatever, stop her before you go in and remind her about the "no pushing" or "no touching" rule.  Tell her clearly and firmly, looking her in the eye, "Hey -- I can never let you push another child.  It hurts them.  I will have to stop you from doing it every time, until you can stop yourself.  If you push (touch) today, we will have to leave.  Got it?"

    Then follow through 100%, on the first push, even if she pitches a fit.

    She sounds like a smart girl.  You probably won't have to do this more than 2x and she'll figure it out.

    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
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  • bklynbrideceshbklynbridecesh member
    imageneverblushed:

    A couple of things could be going on here.

    One possibility is that she really truly does know that pushing another child is wrong, but that she lacks the impulse control to stop herself from doing it when a frustrating situation develops with another child.  If she's mostly pushing to get other children out of her way and speed up the flow of toddler traffic, then it's possible she just hasn't reached the point where she can stop herself from doing it.  That would be very toddler-like!

    Another possibility is that your consequence -- time out -- is not clear and immediate enough to be a meaningful teaching tool in this situation.  Time out might be too disconnected from her actions for her to really "get it" that the time out is a result of the pushing.  Or, she isn't that bothered by having a time out, or being told by you "pushing is not okay".  So, the price of doing what I want, when I want is having to sit on a bench for 2 minutes while Mommy chats at me?  I can live with that.  Done talking, Mommy?  Great -- I'm back on the playground and ready to push someone down again.

    A final possibility is that pushing is ambiguous.  You may need to make the rule "no touching other children" for a while.  What seems to be clearly a "push" to you might seem to be just a gentle "hey, scoot over a bit -- oops, what're you doing down on the ground, friend?" to your DD! 

    Either way, I think you need to step up your game a little on this issue, since the first things you've tried clearly aren't working.  Here's what I'd do:

    When you get to the park/playground/playdate/whatever, stop her before you go in and remind her about the "no pushing" or "no touching" rule.  Tell her clearly and firmly, looking her in the eye, "Hey -- I can never let you push another child.  It hurts them.  I will have to stop you from doing it every time, until you can stop yourself.  If you push (touch) today, we will have to leave.  Got it?"

    Then follow through 100%, on the first push, even if she pitches a fit.

    She sounds like a smart girl.  You probably won't have to do this more than 2x and she'll figure it out.

     

    I agree with this.  Excellent advice.

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