- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
2nd Trimester
KittyKatMom
member
Anyone's DH not really "into" the pregnancy?
KittyKatMom
member
I am so jealous of women whose DH's are so into their pregnancy, rubbing their bellies, etc. DH is kind of freaked out by the whole thing. It was planned, but happened on our first month of trying (and we are so grateful for this), so I think he was expecting to have a little more time to mentally prepare. He also hasn't jumped on the "pregnancy is beautiful" bandwagon. He's freaked out by my changing body and the fact that there's a human growing inside of me.
On one hand, I understand because this is a new experience for both of us. But on the other, I just want him get over it, grow the f*** up, and get interested in it. I feel like his squeamish attitude about it is putting a slight damper on the experience for me.
Anyone else?
"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world." - Jack Layton
BFP #2 12/26/11 ~ EDD 9/6/12 ~ MMC discovered on 1/27/12 @ 8w1d (measured 6w2d)
BFP #3 8/10/12 ~ EDD 4/23/13 ~ MMC discovered on 9/13/12 @ 8w2d (measured 6w6d)
BFP #2 12/26/11 ~ EDD 9/6/12 ~ MMC discovered on 1/27/12 @ 8w1d (measured 6w2d)
BFP #3 8/10/12 ~ EDD 4/23/13 ~ MMC discovered on 9/13/12 @ 8w2d (measured 6w6d)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone's DH not really "into" the pregnancy?
Yes, I feel you. My Bun has gotten a lot better (he'll at least discuss it in short bursts now) but he thinks my body is weird, that being pregnant is sort of gross, and he's afraid of most things baby-oriented.
I just hope he gets over it before the Hitchhiker actually gets here... I know he'll be a great dad, but his being so scared sort of freaks ME out..
Well dh is into this pregnancy but not like some. He does rub my belly occasionally and talk about LO but not all the time.
I like the saying " A woman is a mom the moment she finds out she is pregnant, a man is a dad the moment he holds his child" I think that's how it goes and it makes sense he can't feel or experience these things so it's harder for some guys to really get into it. Just let him know how you feel when your not upset over it maybe he just doesn't realize how he's making you feel.
Some women don't even think pregnancy is beautiful...
My boyfriend was excited but not all into it like I wanted him to be. But, when we had our first ultrasound--instantly hooked! It might have been because we got lucky and are having a boy and thats what he REALLY wanted but, my old boss who knows both of us told me not to expect him to be all into it until he sees the baby in your arms. Then they're really hooked.
I wish my boyfriend could be a little more supportive of how i'm feeling sometimes, but he's getting better the closer we get.
My DH has been slow to warm to. We were planning this as well, but he has never, i mean NEVER been around a pregnant woman, and at that, really women in general (other than me for 10 years). He comes from all boys, and i think he is totally freaked out.
He not really in to the belly thing, does not really touch it, not really intrested i guess.
But there is hope, this week DH asked me how his boy was doing and i said good, he said "no i was talking to him"
Thats a first.
The other day the baby kicked him in the face, the first time he EVER put his head to my belly. So i think he is coming along. some guys just take a while longer.
The thing my DH is worst about is me doing things. He still think im perfect and not growing a baby i guess. He forgets there are some things im not supposed to do.
Be patient. Thats all the advice I have, im sure he will come along, slow, just as my DH is....
We got it on the first try too and my DH thought he had more time as well. When I told him he actually had a mini anxiety attack so not the response I was looking for
He's gotten over it though and is now really excited. I tell him whats going on as much as possible. I'll randomly tell him "Baby is the size of a __ this week" "My ticker said all 20 of babys teeth are formed" etc
I would just try talking to him and telling him exactly how he's making you feel. Good Luck!
Haha, my DH came from all boys too. The only thing he knew about the female body is where his penis goes which is where the baby comes out, and that we bleed for 5 days a month and we turn into b!tches. LOL He didn't even know what a uterus looked like. I felt like a health teacher the first time we went to the OB together and I had to explain the diagram to him.
My DH is the same way...he expected me to load up spare truck parts in the bed of the truck, and then unload them into my parent's garage...along with a freaking spare tire. Yeah, I could do all that before, but not now!
::raisies hand::
DH is like a bump on a log with every bit of news.
Twins born too early at 23 weeks due to incompetent cervix
FET #1, IUI #1, 2, 3, 4 - all BFN
IVF #3 BFP!!! IT'S A BOY! Born July 16th, 2011
FET #2 BFP! Due February 15, 2013
I find other pregnant women beautiful but I don't find MYSELF beautiful during this time. DH always tells me I am though and I love him for that.
DH is not so much freaked out about it...but rather...just a little indifferent. We talk about it but it doesn't really show a lot of interest in feeling my bump or asking questions. I asked him the other day if he even thinks about the baby or daydreams about what it will be like and he said he does think about it a lot.
But you know guys...they don't tell you every thought that passes through their brain, the way women (ok, I) do. LOL
I think everyone's DH/SO will come around after they hold that little baby. My brother is totally unemotional....doesn't even hug...cried like a baby when his first son was born and all he wanted to do was hold him for hours and hours. He went on to have 3 more and was the same way with each one!
SO true! Hes the same way. Some guys are funny. I have a friend who is 17 weeks, I think her DH knows more about her changing body than she does. Shes freaked out about it and he is so excited!!
I have found out that reading to him the week to week updates on the baby seems to help. I think this makes it seem more real. He gets excited when i tell him what the baby is doing in there!
Mine was far more excited after the big u/s and when I started to get a large baby bump.
He doesn't talk to her, but he inquires after her, such as "Is she moving more today?" or "How are my girls today?"
Thanks ladies. It's nice to know I'm not alone and that my DH isn't a complete freak of nature. I thought he would get more excited after the big u/s, and he did admit that he's more excited now that he knows we're having a boy, but his overall interest level still hasn't changed much. We're going nursery furniture shopping this weekend and I think he's mildly excited for that.
I have talked to him about it and he acknowledges that he's feeling weird about it, but doesn't really seem motivated to change that, although I guess he can't really help how he feels. He says he'll probably feel differently once the baby's here (probably - um, yeah that really makes me feel optimistic). He's never been around babies and just held one for the first time a couple of weeks ago when we went to visit friends who just had one. He said it "wasn't so bad" but looked pretty uncomfortable the whole time.
I just hope he doesn't get even more freaked out when DS is actually here and emotionally detach from him. I've heard that guys have a much easier time bonding with toddlers they can interact with than infants who are just needy, but I hope he gets attached to him early on.
BFP #2 12/26/11 ~ EDD 9/6/12 ~ MMC discovered on 1/27/12 @ 8w1d (measured 6w2d)
BFP #3 8/10/12 ~ EDD 4/23/13 ~ MMC discovered on 9/13/12 @ 8w2d (measured 6w6d)
My DH was not into my first pregnancy at all. It sucks because it makes you feel totally alone! This time he is way more into it now that he knows what to expect. My DH was not at all the pregnancy is beautiful thing and honestly it's normal.
I hope he comes around soon for you. Maybe you could try explaining to him how alone you feel and that might get him to put in a little more of an effort.
My DH is all over the place about the pregnancy- and it is very confusing! I never know what I am going to get. For sure, he is not interested in feeling the baby move- that is "weird" to him. My new body is also "weird" to him and he doesn't want much to do with it over the last few weeks. We were also both shocked at how fast we got pregnant (about 2 weeks of trying) and it took us both a minute to adjust (we thought it would take several months if not longer) but he has warmed up since then, for sure.
There are some things, though, that he has taken very seriously. When we had the 20 week scan and that tech said the baby was a boy, I saw my husband cry for only the second time in 6 years. It was very touching. And he is very serious about me and my health- that i get outside and get fresh air, eat well and eat enough, excercise, don't get sick, feel ok, etc. He also took our childbirth class very very seriously, too. When we went and registered and I tried to get a car seat mat (to protect our upholstery) he looked at me like I was Satan and said "the baby lady said we CAN"T USE THOSE!" Also, he wanted to help pick out everything- furniture, bedding, clothes, registering- I have gotten a lot of really nice hand me downs from my best friend, and DH goes through them with me and makes me get rid of anything that is "dorky" or "girly". So I think different men are into different aspects.
Perhaps the only men that rub the belly, talk to it, read to it, sing to it, etc. are in the movies? haha. :-)
How were these guys before you were pg? Did they seem really into it and now they've changed?
I'm just wondering because since we've been together DH has always made comments about 'how cute' I'd be pg, and what it would be like to see me like that and he's still like that with me. I'd have been shocked if he suddenly wasn't into it. So maybe these guys have just never been interested?
Have you thought about getting your H a book about dad's first year or anything? My H is really into the pregnancy, but several times he expressed that he just didn't know much about X or Y and didn't really feel like he could carry a conversation about it.
So I found him two books.. one was by one of the Sears doctors and the other was more like an encyclopedia of baby stuff geared for dads. He liked that it gave him something to talk about and something to share with me. I intentionally didn't read the books so that it would be his thing.
This is my 2nd pregnancy. He could seriously give a crap!
We are mommy's the minute we pee on the stick, they become daddy's when the baby is born. Don't worry, he will soon be completely 100% in love with your little one. Most guys just don't get it. We have a 2 1/2 year old and my husband still says it's hard to think of my belly as a baby. Um, ok
!!!
Yeah, I picked up a book for him the other night, but he wasn't too thrilled about it. He's not big on reading books though. He does a lot of internet research and prefers to get info that way. I made him promise to read it, so we'll see.
BFP #2 12/26/11 ~ EDD 9/6/12 ~ MMC discovered on 1/27/12 @ 8w1d (measured 6w2d)
BFP #3 8/10/12 ~ EDD 4/23/13 ~ MMC discovered on 9/13/12 @ 8w2d (measured 6w6d)
I know that's how my grandma was my fiance Is like the exact opposite of this he is constantly touching my tummy and kissing "baby". He actually thinks my growing tummy is "cute" and he liked it.