DH worried about having a little girl

laurenrobbie · October 2009

So, we are on team green lately but a couple of comments my DH has made lately have made me wonder if we should find out the gender. This is because I think he will have some difficulty if it is a girl, and it might be good for him to have time to get used to the idea?

I think he just pretty much thinks that raising a girl is a daunting responsibility (more so than a boy) and he doesn't know exactly what it is that little girls do. Whether or not these thoughts are correct or justified doesn't mean they aren't real to him. I am sure he would love our baby whether or not it's a girl or a boy but he does seem genuinely terrified at the thought of having a girl.

Anyone else in the same boat? Tips/thoughts? Should we find out?

anabell0920 · October 2009

I think in the beginning having a boy and girl is gonna be pretty much the same and the differences won't show themselves for awhile. I think you should just tell him no matter the gender he will be a great dad. I am sure he's just worried. I personally ask him if it would make him feel better to know ahead of time then go from there.

rowdytexan · October 2009

I can't say I wasn't scared that the u/s tech would say girl. But....Like you said, he will love her anyways. A huge part of first time parenting is figuring things out as you go too. I wouldn't worry. If you don't want to find out, then don't. It'll be alright ;-)

jctewes · October 2009

My dh was great when we found out that we were going to have a little girl, but maybe you should go ahead and ask him if he would like to find out.

serrill2 · October 2009

You could have been talking about my H. He didn't even want to discuss having a girl because there are no girls in his family. I tried to talk to him about entertaining the "possibility" of a girl, but he would have none of that lol.

Needless to say, she is very much a girl. He was quiet for a few minutes, literally in shock. In about 10 minutes he rallied and was on board. Now he is very excited for his little princess, and about 10 other cute little nicknames for her. I think he has gone so far the girly route I need to pull him back from the edge.

"No...she doesn't need a Belle costume now Hon".

It will all be fine, I promise.

EvilBunny17 · October 2009

Okay I can tell you that since I am having a girl and my DH already has a girl he was able to express his feelings pretty well. He at first after finding out this LO was a girl was "disappointed" but now is just as excited as he has ever been. When he was "disappointed" he was able to express that every dad dreams of having a little boy to mold after him and watch sports with and play sports with. It is just not as easy for a man to imagine himself playing with a barbie doll as it is a GIjoe or whatever. Men think they will be able to relate more to a boy than a girl. Those were his thoughts.

That being said my SD is actually closer with my DH than she is with her mom. (I think being out of the barbie doll stage helped with that.)

emmalil · October 2009

I would stay on team green. If you wait to find out, he will be so in love with her the minute he lays eyes on her that you won't have to worry about it. And if you find out ahead of time, and she's a girl, then you give him that many months to be unhappy about it without her wonderful little presence to make him ok with it.

fellesferie · October 2009

We were the opposite. We have a little boy and DH really really really wanted a little girl. To the point that had this baby been a girl, he wanted to try and have another baby.

We talked about it quite a bit, especially in the last week or two leading into our 20-week u/s. And I'm glad we did.. he was able to reassure me that if it was a boy, he might be a little disappointed, but he'd still be happy that our baby was healthy. He also made a point of saying how he appreciated I was carrying a baby for us, no matter what it was.

I'd try not to worry about your H being a little disappointed. A lot of people go through a touch of gender disappointment and then go on to have a lot of joy anticipating their baby. But you should talk to him about it so that he can express some of what he may feel.

poebride · October 2009

My husband was very adamant about wanting a boy--and only a boy. And it was hard last week to watch his face fall at the ultrasound when the tech told us she was 80% sure it was a girl. But he is coming around. In fact, he told me a few days ago that he guessed he would need to look into figuring out how to build a dollhouse!

I promise you that your husband will be fine whether he finds out now or at the birth. I would talk to him and ask what he thinks would be better.

Good luck!

LRBuchanan · October 2009

We both thought FOR SURE we were having a boy so when the u/s tech said a girl we were shocked! I thought my husband was dissappointed and he said that he wasn't just that he had so many dreams for a boy (NFL etc...) He has totally warmed up to having a "daddy's little girl" though. He is much more protective of me now and telling me things like "you need to drive slower now ESPECIALLY since it's a girl".

I think you should find out, then he has the rest of the pregnancy to warm up to having a little girl.

MrsHT · October 2009

Were team green as well. DH 1st obviously wants a healthy baby and 2nd a boy. I think he is scared to see how I had my dad wrapped around my finger and whatever I wanted I pretty much got. He is the oldest of 4 boys and oldest of 10 boy cousins. I think hes just scared because he has no experience what so ever. But some of our friends have little girls and they are always wanting to be hear him. So I know he will do just fine. I think if you have a girl he will adjust perfectly!!! Stay team green

lildevil968 · October 2009

My DH was the same way when we found out DD was a girl! He was so sure she was a boy because no one in his family had girls, and here she came. He was a little shocked after the Ultrasound but came around a few days later. When she was born, he fell in love with her! Now with LO he wants another girl because he is not sure how he would handle a little boy. Our DD is all girl, but she loves to watch the longhorns play football on Saturdays, and that just tickles him to death.

I promise if your DH is disappointed, he will get over it once his little princess is here.

chris27 · October 2009

I know how you feel. DH is from an all boy family (brother, cousins, everyone boys). When we were preg with DD#1 he was a little nervous..similar to your DH. Once she arrived, every fear and uncommon worry (worry never goes away completely) left instantly per him. We did find out though and I really believe that this gave him the time to adjust and come to terms with it. And learn the differences for caring for a baby girl (diaper changes, washing girl parts, dolls, etc...)

Now here we are with two girls and one more girl on the way....he couldn't be happier. In fact when we found out this one was another girl I was the one a little sad not him. Funny how things change.

homebird · October 2009

Would it make him feel better to know ahead of time if he was having a girl? Or would it just make him more nervous?

x55centsxshortx · October 2009

I can tell you my DH was in shock yesterday when he found out we are having a girl not because he was disappointed but because the overwhelming need for him to be protective/responsible for her. We found out at 6am and by 6pm he was a little better. Today he called and was freaking out about when she would start dating lol. I think guys just think differently than we do. Here I am worrying about which diapers to use and he is worried about when she starts dating. I would talk to your DH and see what he thinks.

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