Anger during pregnancy? -vent

nmeandwjh · October 2009

Is anyone else having this problem. My DH and I have been fighting all week. There's been a lot of "cold shouldering" going on. And when one of us attempts to "talk it out" it become a screaming match and then simmers down into "cold shouldering" again.

I tell him he needs to understand that my emotions are all over the place because I'm pregnant and that even if he thinks I'm wrong, he should either bite his tongue or learn to (begrudgingly) agree with me/ take my side.

Of course the subject matter of our fighting is his mother. She's a drama queen and said something that really pissed me off and I mentioned it to DH and he "sees no reason why you should be mad at her" and told me, "In this case I'd have to take her side"

WTF?!?! Is he a masochist? Does he want to live with an angry pregnant woman in a miserable household?

(BTW, he's also one of those men who doesn't understand the phrase, "If your wife is happy, you'll be happy at home" or however that phrase goes)

Thanks for listening.

Bippy798 · October 2009

Not trying to be mean, but I don't personally think my husband should have to agree with me on everything just to make me happy.

americanada · October 2009

it is tough when they are not on your side about the mil, but on all other counts you can't always agree. he may not agree about mil, but he still needs to support you. i say call a truce...talk it out until it's understood.

annamie · October 2009

I think that in matter of your feelings, your husband should either keep his opinion to himself or be sympathetic. If it were something that you and his mother just didn't agree with, that would be one thing, but if you were expressing your feelings, he shouldn't say anything.

Yes, we are pregnant and more sensitive, but that shouldn't be an excuse for your H having to agree with everything you do. In this case, though, I'm on your side.

Worcbride · October 2009

it's hard when your emotional and not feeling unsupported but I have to say that people are individuals and are entitled to their own feelings/opinions....you don't have to agree w/those feelings/opinions but you can't change them.

StarryNight39 · October 2009

nmeandwjh:
Is anyone else having this problem. My DH and I have been fighting all week. There's been a lot of "cold shouldering" going on. And when one of us attempts to "talk it out" it become a screaming match and then simmers down into "cold shouldering" again.
I tell him he needs to understand that my emotions are all over the place because I'm pregnant and that even if he thinks I'm wrong, he should either bite his tongue or learn to (begrudgingly) agree with me/ take my side.
Of course the subject matter of our fighting is his mother. She's a drama queen and said something that really pissed me off and I mentioned it to DH and he "sees no reason why you should be mad at her" and told me, "In this case I'd have to take her side"
WTF?!?! Is he a masochist? Does he want to live with an angry pregnant woman in a miserable household?
(BTW, he's also one of those men who doesn't understand the phrase, "If your wife is happy, you'll be happy at home" or however that phrase goes)
Thanks for listening.

HAHAHA - um, OK.

gingerfamily · October 2009

Why do you feel like yur husband always needs to agree with you? It is okay to have a difference of opinion. If that is how he feels about his mom, there is nothing you can do to change that.

And, I understand that pregnancy hormones can be bad sometimes, but they are always controllable. The decision is up to you whether you choose to control them or not.

Mrs.BoomBoom · October 2009

I'm not angry but get annoyed easily.

cutie420311 · October 2009

So in addition to your husband not being allowed to have his own thoughts and opinions, does that include everyone else?

You can't expect people to stop having opinions, and you can't blame hormones everytime something upsets you. Either own it or move on.

NELCORP · October 2009

Sorry to let you down. But your DH doesn't have to agree with you. He said " In this case I'd have to take her side" so he obviously heard you and looked at your way of thinking but still agrees with his mother. So what?! Get over it. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you have to get your way on everything. I can't even believe you're letting something this simple cause an issue in your marriage right now. Wow.

nmeandwjh · October 2009

Thanks ladies for all your input so far. I really needed some other perspectives.

It's been helpful reading what you wrote.

It's not that I don't want him to have an opinion. I guess I just want him to listen to me and understand my feelings and not to discount them as unworthy.

I love hearing your views though, keep 'em coming.

gingerfamily · October 2009

nmeandwjh:

Thanks ladies for all your input so far. I really needed some other perspectives.

It's been helpful reading what you wrote.

It's not that I don't want him to have an opinion. I guess I just want him to listen to me and understand my feelings and not to discount them as unworthy.

I love hearing your views though, keep 'em coming.

I commend you for taking our comments well. Half of the girls on here would have gotten their panties in a wad for not agreeing with their op. ::golf claps for you::

NELCORP · October 2009

nmeandwjh:

Thanks ladies for all your input so far. I really needed some other perspectives.

It's been helpful reading what you wrote.

It's not that I don't want him to have an opinion. I guess I just want him to listen to me and understand my feelings and not to discount them as unworthy.

I love hearing your views though, keep 'em coming.

Glad you have tough skin and take constructive criticism well. That's rare on these boards.

rowdytexan · October 2009

I don't expect DH to agree with me all the time. I do however think it's best for everyone involved if he would just shut up sometimes. You girls know you have those times. Where you say something, and don't feel like arguing, but you just want to be heard.

ditzydi_2000 · October 2009

I know that we as the ones that are pregnant have a lot of hormones going through us but I think that men need to be given their space to be pissy and have moodswings as well. Expecting a baby is emotionally taxing on both mother and father to be. So I agree with pp that I wouldn't force my husband to agree with me on everything.

ASmallWonder · October 2009

nmeandwjh:

Thanks ladies for all your input so far. I really needed some other perspectives.

It's been helpful reading what you wrote.

It's not that I don't want him to have an opinion. I guess I just want him to listen to me and understand my feelings and not to discount them as unworthy.

I love hearing your views though, keep 'em coming.

There are probably details of this conversation that aren't included but from what you wrote, it doesn't really sound like he discounted your feelings as unworthy. Now, if he DID, that's a different ball game and you should talk with him about those concerns - separate from his actual opinion on this specific situation. GL!

hamson17 · October 2009

Yep, I'm easily angered and my husband and I do fight more than usual. And, it's my 2nd pregnancy, so all the newness and fun isn't there, it just is what is it and I constantly feel bitter for having to endure all of the pregnancy stuff, work full-time, and take care of a 2 year old at home when his life hasn't changed much at all.

He's been great but needs to be reminded occasionally that he has to cut me more slack than usual. Don't beat up on yourself or get to wrapped up on the judgmental posts of others. Your husband should be more understanding and supportive right now, period!!!!!!!

lesalia217 · October 2009

In response to hormones, and not necessarily the specific issue (MIL)....

What I had to do for my DH, since he was totally freaked out by my mood swings as well with the severity of them, was to explain things better. DH is not the 'feelings' type of guy. He's an engineer and numbers make the best sense to him. I found him an article online and sent it to him while he was at work (can't seem to find it now, darn google). It basically compared the non-pg hormone levels with someone who is pg. had charts and everything. and also explained some 'emotions' as well. so he was able to see that my body was getting itself all out of wack, and although it isn't a license to do/say whatever I please, it let him know, that I am not crazy, I will turn back into normal me again, and to just bear with me. Now that he gets it, he is totally suportive, and although I dont' get my way all the time, he knows better how to talk through things with me.

GL!

nmeandwjh · October 2009

Thanks for the sensitive posts, they've helped me feel like I'm not alone in my craziness.

Thanks for the snarky posts, they've been a needed wake up call.

And thanks for the in depth posts, I've read them, appreciate your time and advice, and will make an attempt to call a truce with DH.

jill_aitoro7 · October 2009

My DH and I have had stupid arguments lately, and I think the reason it's upsetting is not so much that he disagrees with me, as that he's not always sensitive to the fact that Im pregnant. Don't get me wrong - he's fantastic, and Im lucky to have someone as understanding as he is.. but a little understanding goes a long way. I also think it's easier for women how huge this time is, because we're the ones going thru pregnancy.. Men are less directly involved at this point, so it can be hard to relate and hard to get on the same page about things.

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