Did you consider being a SAHM, then decide to return to work?
kciriello
member
I'm pregnant with my first, and planning on returning to work after maternity leave. I have an MBA and a great career, and I'm the primary breadwinner in the family. I've worked hard to get where I am and I'm in my early 30s...so I've been working for a long time! My career is on a great path and I'm pretty satisfied with it.
At the same time, there's this little voice inside of me that wonders if I'll want to stay home with my son when he's born. I like working, but I can't say I LOVE my job.
My problem is that my inability to look into a crystal ball and know how I will feel once he's here is crippling me. DH and I live in a small condo which we could afford on his income if I decided to stay home after baby. However, I don't want to live in a small condo forever and we would love to build a house and are starting to consider builders...but we would need both incomes to afford it long-term.
WWYD? Did anyone else think they might want to stay at home, then decide to return to work? What were your experiences like? Did you just kind of realize that you would go stir crazy not working, or was being home with your LO different than you thought it would be? Thanks for the perspective.
Re: Did you consider being a SAHM, then decide to return to work?
I did. Before my ds was born, I always thought I would go back to work, no questions asked. After he was born, we really seriously considered it, never thought I would have had such a struggle deciding. I decided to give going back to work a try to see how it went. Plus, my dh had a third shift schedule, and at that time we thought we can manage no daycare with this schedule and he could stay with my dh during the day. The later didn't work so well, we had to send ds to a friends who was a sahm part-time, so really, he was home a lot with daddy still. So it worked out that I could continue to work. And it turns out 3 years down the road, today, we would have been in serious financial trouble with all of my sons recent medical bills, if I wasn't still working.
My advice, wait until your dc is born, you may have a better sense of what you want to do. But, also remember about the financial consequences of you not working could have if you faced an unexpected event ( dh looses job or passes-heaven forbid that were to happen, unexpected medical bills, etc), would you be prepared?
Not even an emergency fund would have covered everything we have had to encounter the past 6 months.
Congrats on your pregnancy!
I was 50/50 when I was pregnant. I am an Exec Asst and I have a wonderful boss, and I like my job and my company. Honestly, I am so happy I came back to work. I loved my mat leave and am grateful that I had it, but I know that I made the right decision for myself. Staying home with an infant is HARD WORK. I work 3-4 days a week now and it's a great balance for me, I still get a day off to hang out with DD and go for walks and playgroups and such, but also get to talk to adults and interact professionally every day. It's also really helped me that I 100% love our daycare provider, so I don't feel bad leaving my kid there every day, I know she's being taken care of and loved.
Of course, you probably won't know until you actually have the baby, and your feelings might change then, and you might do really well SAH!
No, we never considered it. We need two incomes. However, we did consider me working 30 hours. Ultimately, I'll probably go back to 40 (I'm still transitioning back until the end of the year) b/c of our finances and the fact that the economy is the way it is and I don't want to give my employer any reason to question me (although I've always gotten great reviews and I'm a good employee). I've got a great job, really enjoy it, worked hard to get here, etc.
That being said, if we had any options, I would be home with my son. I think you may have to wait it out and see how you feel. Best of luck to you!
Don't buy or build a new house until after you have the baby. ?You might find that you really want to stay home, and then the condo won't look so bad! ?On the other hand, you don't want to resent your big, beautiful house because it means you have to go back to work.
I am headed back to work tomorrow, and I think it is the right decision for us. ?But I am glad that I have options and am not financially completely stuck. ?A lot of people love being SAHM and a lot of people love working outside the home. ?You won't really know until after baby is here, so it is good to keep options open.?
I think it would be best to stay in the condo a while and save some money and see how things go. If you are in that situation, you will have choices. Once you get the bigger house, you will not have a choice. I am an older mom - I was almost 41 when I had DS and I also have a great career. I lost my job due to downsizing when I was on maternity leave so I took some time off and went back to work when DS was 1. Being type A and a career gal, it was hard for me to be home. I loved being with DS, but I felt like I missed working and that part of my life a lot. I felt isolated at home. I have been working for 2 years now and there are days that I wish I was home, but I make a very good living which allows me to contribute to my family and provide a great financial security for us. My DS and I both earn almost the same level of income and we can live on 1 salary if needed. My ideal situation would be to work part time, but that is not an option in my industry.
I think keeping your options open (by not buying a big house) allows you more flexibility. Maybe you can find a part time situation or see if your current employer will consider it. Good luck!
To quote a card I bought at CVS "I considered being a stay-at-home mom but then I found out the kids would be there". I'm totally kidding. It was never an option for me to stay home - for a variety of reasons including financial, my sanity, the quality of our marriage and family life, etc. But I'm answering your post because my best friend stayed home for nine months. She worked in the city and didn't want the commute plus her husband really wanted her to stay home so she thought she would try it. By nine months, when her son was totally clingy and she couldn't get out of the room without him crying, she just lost it and decided she wasn't cut out for being a SAHM and needed to work. She works part time now - three days a week - for a non-profit five minutes from home. Definitely a big step down from where she was but it serves it purpose.
I think either way you don't have to make a decision now. If you decide you want to stay home but hate it, you can always go back. And if you decide to work but hate it, you can always quit and find a way to make the finances work. Either way, I'd give yourself six months to try it out and see how you feel.
I wasn't initially even thinking about SAHM because all women I personally know, including my mom, always worked and that was the norm and a wonderful life. Then I got on these boards
and read a lot of posts that basically guilted me into wanting to SAH. It wasn't something I really wanted, but reading about it on here made me think that it was the right thing to do.
I never SAH because it was not the right thing for us (financially, career-wise and family dynamic-wise) but I had my fair share of feeling "guilty" and "bad" about it every time I got on the Bump. Now, almost two years later, I absolutely do not have any of those feelings. I am perfectly happy with being a working mother and wife. Of course, I miss my son during the day (I miss my husband, too:)), but it is the best for all of us that I go to work. Staying home with him is hard work and not something that I am best at. It also costs money to do activities outside the house.
Going back to the Bump influences - I have read a lot of posts written by SAHMs that complain about their lives and I know that I personally could not deal with a lot of things they are dealing with.
I am happy with my choice and I will continue being a working mom.
I am in your EXACT position! I can't answer from experience, but can tell you I struggle w/the same fears. I make very good $ and have worked very hard for 8 yrs to get where I am career wise. I love my job and it's very flexible, and DH and I make about the same amount. Therefore it would be a huge financial blow for me to SAH. DH told me I can choose what I would like to do when the baby comes, and to do whatever makes me happy. I know I will be unhappy pinching pennies, not saving enough for retirement, not able to travel, and not having adult interactions and a schedule/work routine. I like to use my mind and think alot, and get really down and analytical when I have alot of alone time and am at home...
We also live in a condo (townhome) and have it on the market... I am really torn however about whether I really even want to move into a bigger home right now. There are so many life changes and emotions taking place, so it is hard to think about buying another home. I agree you should stay put for now. You only have unti Feb anyway, so just wait and have the baby, then maybe put your condo on the market and see what happens. I would think about 8 weeks into it you will know what you want to do.
I agree w/the PP that some posters on bump and in society in general allude to the fact that if you don't SAH, you are a bad mom. I have already had a couple of 'guilt' comments thrown my way. Remember every situation is different, and anyone who judges you is probably unhappy and insecure in their own situation. I have 2 friends who SAH, and they are not happy at all. I think their marriages and overall attitudes would greatly improve if they picked up a part time job, got out of the home, etc. so that is what I have witnessed with people close to me who SAH. I know the same can be said for some working moms, but their misery has solidified the fact that I want to continue working and financially contributing to our home and family!
HI
Reading all of these posts was very helpful for my situation becaues I am making that life change this month. I have a very good career and a MBA, as well. I decided that I wanted to take a break from the working world and be more of a mom to DD. I barely see her during the week and the weekends are our only time together. I felt that as she got to this age 12 mos that it was becoming more apparent that my priorites were changing, and I made the decision to stay home. I am working PT for the family biz, and have another way to bring home money, but we are going to make some serious financial cuts with this. I felt that I can not get these years back with DD, so why not take a break and know that I can always go back to work. It was a very hard decision which it took 3 mos to make, so I would say think hard and wait it out. I am glad I tried working FT so I knew what life was like on the other side too. I would recommend thinking hard about what you really want out of life. I also wanted the huge house and traveling ,etc. I realize that I am okay with downsizing in these areas, until she goes to school. Hope this helps.