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Whose "feelings" matter most??

jblonde81jblonde81
in 3rd Trimester

I am sick and tired of not getting the support that IIIII need!!!

I have a small vilage of a family and a BF that insists that me not liking hands on the belly offends others, and the fact that I want to be ALONE with my child and my BF after delivery (everyone else has their chance later and the rest of this kids's life) so we can all bond...is unfair of ME...seriously ...and so what?? Shouldnt it be MY comfort that matters most???I mean I don't think I am requesting that much....I could be a real witch and say I want NOONE in the room AT ALL....

but no i do want people involved yes this is the fam's new baby, but this is MY first baby, and i should be given enuff respect to go through MY birth the way I want to and raise MY First child with my preferences given the priority...everyone else has had their chance through children of their own and even grandchildren!!!

 

please anyone let me know if you agree and if you can offer suggestions for someone like myself..because im already stretched thin in patience and niceties...and to spare someone's feelings at this point when so many are disregarding mine is becoming highly unlikely. 

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Re: Whose "feelings" matter most??

  • tree_stumptree_stump
    You're the patient and you get to choose who comes in your room. Also, you can keep them updated on a "need-to-know" basis. Maybe have your time and then call them a few hours later after you've had your special time?
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  • chris27chris27
    I had a similar situation with DD#1. Luckily DH stood by me. I am so glad that I stood my ground though. It set a nice precedent for allowing DH and I to make decisions about our children and with future births. Try to explain your position as diplomatically as possible and list our your reasons for wanting it. It is hard but parents have to let go sometimes and learn to let you become a parent.
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  • DeniseNikeDeniseNike
    Nope. Youre the one under the pressure and its nothing wring with KNOWING how youd like to deal as soon as LO gets here. hes a jerk right now, and just seems one sided. I personally dont want anyone but my fiance in the room as my coach but of course Ill let my close ones know as soon as I go into labor etc. we already had the talk.
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  • Liss_37Liss_37 member

    You aren't being unreasonable at all. You are the patient and you are in charge.

    my dh and I aren't having anyone in the room while i deliver, and we're also not having anyone come in right afterwards either. we want to have our time to bond as a family. we've asked friends and family to stay home and wait for our call to tell them all is well and when they can visit. to some people it seemed odd, but everyone got used to the idea and we haven't had any issues since.

    Me: 37
    DH: 36
    Married: 08-25-07
    DS: 11-20-09

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    Name change alert: Formerly Lisswastaken

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  • MrsRebeccaMrsRebecca member
    The only other person whose feelings matter is your SO. It's his kid too.
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  • jblonde81jblonde81
    Thank you!
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  • jblonde81jblonde81

    you all have amazing advice...and i appreciate this very much...he's more about all the attention...which i am glad there is...but we are seriously talking like 8 people barging in after the baby is born and 4 people wanting to be in the room during delivery and one with a vid camera...all approved by him before really consulting me on this...

     its incredibly frustrating to have to be the one walking on eggshells when, in actuality they are the ones who should be...i mean crazy hormones cmon now!! lol

     i do agree that it is his child too and OUR decisions matter most but he isnt the one pushing her out u know what i mean...im pretty darn sure i wont be in any mood to entertain and answer question etc etc...id rather be stern now to save feelings later?? I suppose??

     

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  • amoureuxamoureux

    Check with your hospital.  It may not even be an issue as many have restricted visitor access due to N1H1.   

    You can also tell the nursing staff no one is allowed in the delivery room.   They seem to be very good at keeping people out if asked!

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  • jblonde81jblonde81
    Dont get me wrong...I do want my Significant Other there hands down.  His mother and my mother are the only additional two (as allowed by hospital) that I want present. However this is his mother's 3rd grandchild (2 from his sister), as opposed to my mother's first grandchild.  

    Hospital policy is that after delivery, the baby stays 45 mintures and then they take it to the nursery, for all the additional procedures (eyedrops, shots etc).  Then after I am moved to my pp room the baby is free to join there with any additional visitors including main supports.
     
    I feel that this is the best time to accomodate visitors...and if it so happens that 45 minutes is more than enough time, then I will invite them back in but I truly want that bonding moment with baby and my SO.  This is our first child, and we want to enjoy it undisturbed.  
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  • MrsRebeccaMrsRebecca member
    imagejblonde81:

    you all have amazing advice...and i appreciate this very much...he's more about all the attention...which i am glad there is...but we are seriously talking like 8 people barging in after the baby is born and 4 people wanting to be in the room during delivery and one with a vid camera...all approved by him before really consulting me on this...

     its incredibly frustrating to have to be the one walking on eggshells when, in actuality they are the ones who should be...i mean crazy hormones cmon now!! lol

     i do agree that it is his child too and OUR decisions matter most but he isnt the one pushing her out u know what i mean...im pretty darn sure i wont be in any mood to entertain and answer question etc etc...id rather be stern now to save feelings later?? I suppose??

    Oh, I don't mean that he has to get his way on this. I am totally with you that all those people do NOT need to be there. I just meant that his feelings matter...but ultimately you need to put your foot down and come to a compromise.

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  • jblonde81jblonde81

    imagechris27:
    I had a similar situation with DD#1. Luckily DH stood by me. I am so glad that I stood my ground though. It set a nice precedent for allowing DH and I to make decisions about our children and with future births. Try to explain your position as diplomatically as possible and list our your reasons for wanting it. It is hard but parents have to let go sometimes and learn to let you become a parent.

     

    Thank you for this advice! I learned alot from the maternity ward tour I took today, and now I just need to get them together and explain just as you said.

    I just want my time and they will have all the time in the world after its just so critical that my SO and myself have the bonding moment right in the beginning :) 

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  • waytoewaytoe
    Whose feelings matter most? Yours. And yes, they even matter more than your BF's feelings. You are going to being doing hard work, you are going to be in pain, and you are going to feel vulnerable. You don't have to have four people with video cameras in the room while you deliver, and you don't have to give up those first moments with LO to make other people happy. Just say NO. 
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  • jblonde81jblonde81

    imageDeniseNike:
    Nope. Youre the one under the pressure and its nothing wring with KNOWING how youd like to deal as soon as LO gets here. hes a jerk right now, and just seems one sided. I personally dont want anyone but my fiance in the room as my coach but of course Ill let my close ones know as soon as I go into labor etc. we already had the talk.

     

    I agree with you.  I do need to get that talk done right away!! LOL Congrats to you!!  

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  • jblonde81jblonde81
    Thanks to everyone!! I appreciate not feeling alone on this topic!! 
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  • vtgirl1949vtgirl1949
    You should check with your hospital about who they will let in anyway.  With the swine flu scare, my hospital is only allowing one person in the delivery room with me.  They are not allowing ANY visitors (except the baby's father) to the maternity floor either.  I am so bummed that my DD or parents can't even come to see the baby or me in the hospital after it is born.  So, it might be a moot point for you anyway.
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  • kreeper611kreeper611 member

    I agree with you - it's about your feelings.  I am giving some consideration to family, but I will take time to bond and just collect myself before people start barging in.

    See if you can blame it on the doctor or the hosptial - like they have some 2 hour rule that requires no visitors until 2 hours after deliver.

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  • pandora1775pandora1775
    The hospital I'm going to will only allow the coach in at time of birth and a maximum of 2 visitors at a time after when the patient says it's ok. Plus, they don't allow video cameras in the room during the delivery or pictures taken of the birth (only after) - as some coaches have been known to post these online  - without mom knowing  - and violating patient privacy. They also gave the reason that it may distract - or get in the way of the staff - or compromise staff privacy also. (which was an interesting point - I never thought of that) I plan on just calling the folks AFTER I give birth when I feel up to it. It's good that you stand your ground now as that helps set a precedent later on for other issues as the child gets older. (learned that with my first one!)
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