Let's have a discussion to pass the time..

canthardlywait426 · October 2009

A couple of my friends and I were talking about this, and I wanted to see what your views are. I am not meaning this to start a heated debate or as a means to stir up trouble. I just know that it might be a controversial topic, but I am wondering where the majority stands. I hope that this can be done without starting an arguement.

One of my friends made the comment that if she has a daughter, she will put her on BC when she is 14 or 15 years old. She says that she doesnt want to be a grandmother when her child is still a child.

There are 2 questions up for debate-

1) Do you agree that this is ok to do, or do you see it as wrong.

2)Whether you agree with doing it or not- would you see it as protecting your child, or giving them permission to have sex.

Keep in mind- you wouldnt be putting her on BC for any medical reason. Not for helping cramps and what not. It's simply to prevent pregnancy.

AnnaBanana0327 · October 2009

I prefer talking over medicating. Just my opinion- everyone's got one!

hainesherway · October 2009

1. I would have to say it depends on the child. If I trusted her enough to know she wasn't having sex or would come to me if she was, I would not. But if I knew my daughter was having sex, I would want her to go on some type of birth control.

2. I see it as protecting their future. Having a child at such a young age might limit their opportunities.

sail123 · October 2009

I would hope that I can talk openly with my daughter about protection and respecting her body etc and raise her to make the right choices. I think forced medication is really fcukced up.

emsrdh03 · October 2009

I wouldn't put her on it just because she turned 14. I would hope to have an open enough relationship that she knew if she was going to have sex, she needed protection and would be comfortable enough to ask. If she told me she wasn't having sex, I would trust her and not force her to be on it. Call me naive, but that's the relationship I had with my mom.

LnR70707 · October 2009

I hope that my daughter will be comfortable enough to come to me and tell me when she needs BC. I do see it more as protecting rather than permission.

canthardlywait426 · October 2009

Ok, then lets add another question- if your 14/15 year old asked you if they could go on BC AFTER you had the mature conversation with them, would you do it?

I would most certainly talk to them openly first. My mother and I have always been open and honest, and I hope to have the same relationship with my daughter as I do with my mother. However, if my 15 said that she was sexually active and wanted to be on BC, I would probably go with her to the dr. and get her on it.

Temp356619000002780 · October 2009

Well considering I got the talk and still got pregnant at 16. I will put my daughter on BC. My son will get the talk along with me purchasing condoms for him as well! I think that it all depends on the environment they are growing up in that determines weather or not they will have sex at a young age! I really think it's something that needs to be approached with an open mind! Now I don't want them in my house having sex or anything and it will upset me when they do have sex, but I want my children to have BC and be better prepared to make that choice. I mean if DS has a baby at the same age I did I will be 34. I will not be happy!

Mrs.M317 · October 2009

I would most likely have a conversation with my daughter at 14 or 15, or even sooner, about sex, the risks, and what expectations I have for her. Then I would probably let her make the decision herself. If a kid has a goal for life (like college, career, or even prom) they are less likely to engage in risky behavior, like unprotected sex.

I hated being on birth control, and being on it didn't make me feel like my parents were giving me permission to have sex. (I originally went on it for medical reasons)

I most definitely wouldn't want to put them on birth control that early, because then that means they will be on it for most likely 10 years before they are married or want to have children. I think I would be afraid that it would interfere with their fertility.

ETA: unless they were sexually active, then I would rather they didn't have a teenage pregnancy and put them on BCP

pumkiepoo · October 2009

I am a youth director at a church here and I have been asked by parent's about this.

There is a 12 year old girl in my youth group who got invovled with gangs. When you hear of something like this you would think it would be a reflection of neighborhood, parents, upbringing etc. It's not the case here. Mom is the secretary of our church and lives in a high rise on the ocean. Her daugher wants to be put on BC. Mom agreed because of the lifestyle she is in. (This is a long story with lots of details so i tried to keep it short)

I think if the daughter asks, then you should talk to her about it. If she wants to be on BC there might be a reason and talking about it could help. In the case of the youth, I agree, but I think there are cases that talking could be enough.

as far as permission, in this case it basically is permission, but it also depends on the family. Some people believe in no sex before marriage, some people don't. Some families are very open about sex some aren't.

alice2Bcheshire · October 2009

Hmmmm. My first thought is "what a double standard"-- I doubt your friend is planning on putting condoms on her 14 or 15 year old if she has a boy. Why would she worry about her child experiencing an early unplanned pregnancy only if she has a girl? And second, though I'm sure it would be done with the best of intentions and with only the thought of protecting the child, it still sends the message that, whether you condone it or not, you are expecting that your child is or shortly will be having sex.

sail123 · October 2009

canthardlywait426:

Ok, then lets add another question- if your 14/15 year old asked you if they could go on BC AFTER you had the mature conversation with them, would you do it?

Yes, I think so. But I would have a long a serious talk first.

canthardlywait426 · October 2009

Mrs.M317:

I would most likely have a conversation with my daughter at 14 or 15, or even sooner, about sex, the risks, and what expectations I have for her. Then I would probably let her make the decision herself. If a kid has a goal for life (like college, career, or even prom) they are less likely to engage in risky behavior, like unprotected sex.

I hated being on birth control, and being on it didn't make me feel like my parents were giving me permission to have sex. (I originally went on it for medical reasons)

I most definitely wouldn't want to put them on birth control that early, because then that means they will be on it for most likely 10 years before they are married or want to have children. I think I would be afraid that it would interfere with their fertility.

I could not possible agree with this statement more. I went on the depo shot when I was 16 for medical reasons, and came off of it at 24. DH and I both wonder if it has affected my fertility.

emsrdh03 · October 2009

canthardlywait426:

Ok, then lets add another question- if your 14/15 year old asked you if they could go on BC AFTER you had the mature conversation with them, would you do it?

I would most certainly talk to them openly first. My mother and I have always been open and honest, and I hope to have the same relationship with my daughter as I do with my mother. However, if my 15 said that she was sexually active and wanted to be on BC, I would probably go with her to the dr. and get her on it.

Yes. If she says she's having sex and wants to be on BC, then yes, no questions asked. I would of course talk about the advantages to waiting, I didn't have sex until I was in my mid 20s so I feel I will be able to speak from experience. Would I expect her to listen and follow my example, not necessarily.

kilissa · October 2009

I hope to have the kind of relationship with my daughter where she would be able to discuss it with me. My DH and I have discussed this and whether it be son/daughter the best thing we can do is educate them, listen to them and hope that we have instilled enough values for them to make good decisions.

My mom always told me that if I ever needed BC when I was younger that she would help me even if she didn't agree with me.

kofmkg · October 2009

It's a judgment call that really should be made on a case-by-case basis-- according to a parent's beliefs.

I can't say that I would be comfortable giving her BCP for pregnancy prevention without more information about the child, her interactions with others, and her general character.

However, I hold no judgment on those parents who feel their circumstances warranted that remedy. I don't feel that this is protecting a child, though.

locash · October 2009

Not gonna lie, I plan on scaring the bejesus out of my daughter. I want her to know exactly what the reprocussions of having sex are. And I want to know that she is well enough informed to make the decision to have sex when she is ready. If I feel she's having sex, I probably wouldn't resort to the pill b/c that still won't protect her from her (most likely irresponsible) partner if he should have an STD and not use a condom. I think condoms are the way to go, especially since teen stds are on the rise and will probably be worse in the next 10-15 years.

I was a very responsible kid and I hope that I can influence my child(ren) to be the same.

And if all else fails, they make some pretty heavy duty locks.

Blasianlove · October 2009

hainesherway:

1. I would have to say it depends on the child. If I trusted her enough to know she wasn't having sex or would come to me if she was, I would not. But if I knew my daughter was having sex, I would want her to go on some type of birth control.

2. I see it as protecting their future. Having a child at such a young age might limit their opportunities.

Pretty much the same thought.

locash · October 2009

Oh, and I don't believe that a 14 year old is mature enough to decide for herself if she needs BC. Many young girls don't understand what BC is or what it means to be on it. They don't really get that it's a hormone. And, I would worry that they would use it as a false sense of security and ditch any other form of protection. Or, skip a pill and not realize how dangerous it is and end up pg and have an std.

Ok, I'm starting to get clamy already...

mrskilbride · October 2009

It depens on the girl of course, my DD is 11 and that time is just around the corner for me.

1) Do you agree that this is ok to do, or do you see it as wrong....if she thinks her daughter is likely to make unwise decisions, then YES I think its OK

2)Whether you agree with doing it or not- would you see it as protecting your child, or giving them permission to have sex....I think of it as protecting, if they need protection from thier own decisions.

I don't think it is giving them permission..if they are going to do it, they'll do it either way...with or without BC. Kids at that age often don't make very good decisions and that is one decision that can impact the rest of thier life.

In my case, my DD is very shy and at this point anyway, in no way interested in boys. Of course that will change at some point and if I feel like she might not make smart decisions, then I'll do what I can to protect her, that is my job as a parent. That or lock her away in a tower :-)

jessiluke1 · October 2009

locash:

Not gonna lie, I plan on scaring the bejesus out of my daughter. I want her to know exactly what the reprocussions of having sex are. And I want to know that she is well enough informed to make the decision to have sex when she is ready. If I feel she's having sex, I probably wouldn't resort to the pill b/c that still won't protect her from her (most likely irresponsible) partner if he should have an STD and not use a condom. I think condoms are the way to go, especially since teen stds are on the rise and will probably be worse in the next 10-15 years.

I was a very responsible kid and I hope that I can influence my child(ren) to be the same.

And if all else fails, they make some pretty heavy duty locks.

AMEN!

canthardlywait426 · October 2009

Have you all already discussed this topic with your DH's? In my house, it was my mother who talked to me. Im wondering if I were a boy if the talk would have come from my dad.

Are you comfortable enough to have "the talk" with your son, or would you have your DH do it?

mrskilbride · October 2009

Just wanted to add that we have already had 'the talk'. She asked based on what she was hearing at school and from friends, that happened when she was 9. We still talk about things we see on the news...ie. Jamie Lynn Spears and lots of other things that she is curious about. I'm pretty confident she'd come to me when the time comes and it won't be a new and shocking discussion, just 'girl' talk.

StevieJo · October 2009

I would not do it. Like a PP said. I prefer talking over medicating.

chuleysnackety · October 2009

1) Do you agree that this is ok to do, or do you see it as wrong.

2)Whether you agree with doing it or not- would you see it as protecting your child, or giving them permission to have sex.

I am in this position right now. my dd is 14 years old..I am very open and blunt with her particularly about sexuality because I know that there are a million other voices that are telliing her things that may not be true.

that being said. I do talk to her about sexualtity and would trust that she would come to me if the need arouse to put her on BC and yes, I would put her on it if she asked me.. but I wouldnt automatically put her on it just because shes 13 or 14 years old.. .

lauriemel · October 2009

My mother had informal conversations with me regarding my body, sex, pregnancy, etc. from the time I was 8 or 9 on. These conversations generally evolved out of some question I had for her. She never shied away from being honest and supportive of me.

I would hope that I will have a similar relationship with my daughter. My mother made it very clear that she would rather have me be honest so that I could be put on BC. She also stressed the importance of having a loving, stable relationship before I engaged in sexual activity.

I think the key is that she never just had "the talk" with me. We had an ongoing conversation about it. I'm sure it was uncomfortable as hell for her, but because we addressed it so matter-of-factly, I felt at ease being open with her.

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