What's with all the concern? (vent)

dori1678 · October 2009

Is anyone else tired of getting a finger shaken at them because of something said in a post on this board?

Yesterday, I made a comment about my dog and someone automatically assumes that I'm a moron and my dog is at risk of being re-homed!

Today, I made a comment about only eating 1000 calories a day when I was dieting after my last pregnancy and she assumes that I'm still eating 1000 calories a day and she was expressing her concern.

I've seen women voice their "concerns" to may other posters on this board, and it's just crazy.

Let's leave the judging, finger shaking, and psych analysis up to these women's family members who actually know them!

Maybe this is frustrating me because of hormones, but come on ladies! Chill out!

robinsokj · October 2009

Posting info on a message board is going to result in judging...plain and simple. If you dont like what someone says your best bet is to ignore it

rohansmom · October 2009

I get what your saying.If I don't want slack I just don't post.

preppynewlywed · October 2009

Now that you've pointed it out I promise to never be snarky or judgmental again.

You have totally changed my outlook on life.

dori1678 · October 2009

Don't get me wrong I completely expect to hear some form of judging. But the two comments I've gotten recently, are just ridiculous.

dori1678 · October 2009

preppynewlywed:
Now that you've pointed it out I promise to never be snarky or judgmental again.
You have totally changed my outlook on life.

Snarky is ok... judgemental is not.

CTL2005 · October 2009

I think message boards make it hard to read tone or to ask for clarification. I read your earlier post regarding calories and it totally sounded like you were eating 1000 calories now, not in the past. I didnt say anything, but sometimes it is hard to fully understand what someone is saying in a post.

dori1678 · October 2009

Here is what I'm talking about...

dori1678:

We have a 50lb lab puppy. She's 7 months old right now, so she's only going to get bigger. She's very well behaved (besides the digging in the backyard. And if anyone knows how to MAKE THE DIGGING STOP, that would be GREAT!) but she's extremely hyper, as expected. Sometimes she gets so worked up that she doesn't hear me when I tell her to sit. Or maybe she forgets what sit means...? I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, she gets so hyper that I'm worried she'll trample the baby if something happens to excite her, like an unexpected doorbell ring. My husband would love an excuse to find her a new home, but I would be heartbroken!

She's pretty good with my 5 year old. And I don't worry about the two of them alone in a room. My 5 year old can call me if Cocoa is sitting on her head.

The response I got -- She digs because she's bored. How long is she left in the yard alone?

While most of her excitedness is due to her still being a puppy, labs are in the puppy stage for a good 2 years. You need to get her under control now, before the baby is born. Check out the blog I posted above and google "NILIF" Nothing in life is free. It's a good training technique. While you may feel comfortable leaving your 5 year old unattended with her, it's not a good idea, and you absolutely cannot do that with a baby. 7 million cats and dogs die a year waiting for a new home, please don't add another to the list.

My response- Oh wow... I'm not a moron. Don't assume that I'm irresponsible by my one little post.

And to answer your question-- she will be in the backyard for 2 minutes when she starts digging. She is trying to get to the dog next door. Trust me, this dog is not bored... she just wants to see the dog next door.

preppynewlywed · October 2009

dori1678:
preppynewlywed:
Now that you've pointed it out I promise to never be snarky or judgmental again.
You have totally changed my outlook on life.
Snarky is ok... judgemental is not.

So you never ever judge ANYONE? Ever?

Riiiiight.

dori1678 · October 2009

preppynewlywed:
dori1678:
preppynewlywed:
Now that you've pointed it out I promise to never be snarky or judgmental again.
You have totally changed my outlook on life.
Snarky is ok... judgemental is not.
So you never ever judge ANYONE? Ever?
Riiiiight.

Never said I didn't! But I certainly won't assume someone is a moron by one post... until now maybe?

preppynewlywed · October 2009

dori1678:
preppynewlywed:
dori1678:
preppynewlywed:
Now that you've pointed it out I promise to never be snarky or judgmental again.
You have totally changed my outlook on life.
Snarky is ok... judgemental is not.
So you never ever judge ANYONE? Ever?
Riiiiight.
Never said I didn't! But I certainly won't assume someone is a moron by one post... until now maybe?

People judge on what they know. If they see one post that is badly worded or misleading or even not they are going to make assumptions.

It's the same thing as a first impression but on the internet.

If you don't want people to judge then don't write it.

MrsVonKikabee · October 2009

dori1678:
Here is what I'm talking about...

dori1678:

We have a 50lb lab puppy. She's 7 months old right now, so she'sonly going to get bigger. She's very well behaved (besides the diggingin the backyard. And if anyone knows how to MAKE THE DIGGING STOP, thatwould be GREAT!) but she's extremely hyper, as expected. Sometimes shegets so worked up that she doesn't hear me when I tell her to sit. Ormaybe she forgets what sit means...? I'm going to give her the benefitof the doubt. Anyway, she gets so hyper that I'm worried she'll tramplethe baby if something happens to excite her, like an unexpecteddoorbell ring. My husband would love an excuse to find her a new home,but I would be heartbroken!
She's pretty good with my 5 year old. And I don't worry about thetwo of them alone in a room. My 5 year old can call me if Cocoa issitting on her head.
The response I got -- She digs because she's bored. How long is she left in the yard alone?
While most of her excitedness is due to her still being a puppy,labs are in the puppy stage for a good 2 years. You need to get herunder control now, before the baby is born. Check out the blog Iposted above and google "NILIF" Nothing in life is free. It's a goodtraining technique. While you may feel comfortable leaving your 5 yearold unattended with her, it's not a good idea, and you absolutelycannot do that with a baby. 7 million cats and dogs die a year waitingfor a new home, please don't add another to the list.

My response- Oh wow... I'm not a moron. Don't assume that I'm irresponsible by my one little post.
Andto answer your question-- she will be in the backyard for 2 minuteswhen she starts digging. She is trying to get to the dog next door.Trust me, this dog is not bored... she just wants to see the dog nextdoor.

I think the responses you got were not bad at all. You didn't mention in your first post that she was trying to get to the other dog and the second response gave you a training technique to help solve the problem. I don't really know what you were looking for in a response if that is not it.

Me thinks you're being too sensitive.

slc2b · October 2009

The dog thing, yeah I can understand why that would tick you off. It sounded rather judgemental. As for the other one about the calories thing, I really think the girl who responded was sincerely just looking out and didn't mean to be judgemental or snarky or whatever. I wouldn't want to discourage people on the board to NOT express those kinds of thoughts when it is really meant in good faith.

ETA: Just read the entire reply on the dog issie, and really it wasn't that bad. There are some real dummies out there who really do have dogs that are bored to death and dig. How does this girl know you are not one of them? She didn't totally flame you or anything, just wanted to make sure you are informed. Take it or leave it.

Lambie. · October 2009

I think you are over reacting. Is that judgemental?

ta78 · October 2009

I don't think the response to your puppy post sounded snarky or judgemental. She took what you said and gave you advice. To me your response sounded more snarky than hers.

weelass24 · October 2009

If you want people to stroke your hair and tell you that you are right and say you are doing everything exactly right, you are in the wrong place. If you think people givng you advice when you ask for it is them being judgemental, I think you are in for a rude awakening.

magdalina.h · October 2009

She gave you advice (dog one that you posted in here) and you call that judgemental?

UKMom1 · October 2009

Thank you, thank you! I've got to say I COMPLETELY AGREE! I don't know how many times I've felt as though I've gotten the "finger shaking" and really thought to myself "seriously?" These boards are a great source of information and comfort but some of the "friendly advice" really does come across "how stupid can you be".

For my 2 cents - I would say to those who are responding to posts, remember we're all hormonal and have our crazy days. While being helpful is great - tearing down other women over the decisions they have choosen shouldn't be our MO.

dori1678 · October 2009

UKMom1:
Thank you, thank you! I've got to say I COMPLETELY AGREE! I don't know how many times I've felt as though I've gotten the "finger shaking" and really thought to myself "seriously?" These boards are a great source of information and comfort but some of the "friendly advice" really does come across "how stupid can you be".

For my 2 cents - I would say to those who are responding to posts, remember we're all hormonal and have our crazy days. While being helpful is great - tearing down other women over the decisions they have choosen shouldn't be our MO.

Thank you!

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