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Does having a SN kids really scare you from having another?
We are still waiting on genetic results for DD, so this may be a huge factor for us.
I am terrified of having another, but DH thinks we should try. I am going to worry during the whole pregnancy and infancy until the child is nearing 2, which is when we started seeing DD's problems.
I just don't know that it is worth it. Plus, the idea of having 2 SN kids is overwhelming.
What about you?
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Re: Does having a SN kids really scare you from having another?
We had our second child before our 1st was dx. Thankfully, I don't think dd will end up with an asd diagnosis. She is as typical as they come. I would research the odds in your case of having a second child with the same genetic issues that your dd has.
But, to tell you the truth, I am super afraid of having another child. A few years down the road, we may change our mind. But, emotionally and financially (although the later seems to be stabilizing now with our new insurance policy on ds) I absolutely cannot do it right now. I already feel a tremendous amount of guilt about the amount of time I don't get to spend with dd because of everything we have to do for ds. I just don't think I could handle another child in the mix, the poor child would get neglected.
Although, one part of me would like to have a third child, just so when my dh and I are dead and gone, that the burden of dealing with any issues with ds wouldn't lie soley on dd.
Yes, yes and yes. I could have written this post myself nine months ago...but I'm due in six days so ready or not right? We did genetic testing and all signs point to DD being a spontaneous mutation. We've had some strange things happen during this pg that have made us think otherwise, but we're going with the thought this baby will be a typically developing child. But like you said, only time will tell and if this baby is born fine at birth (DD's dx presented at birth) I'll still be worrying about every other syndrome under the sun for years, knowing things can pop up whenever.
It's not an easy decision to make, to have more kids or not. In our case, this pg was not planned so we didn't really have time to really talk about it seriously. However, I will say that I was leaning toward not having any more children. Good luck with the results from the testing and making plans. It's not an easy decision.
I also had DD before we really knew anything was up with DS, I'm so glad, b/c I would have had a hard time if I'd known. DD is actually perfectly typical and one of the best things we could have done for DS. He has learned so much from her.
I'm struggling with having a third and forth. I am so fearful of having another ASD child b/c I don't think I could take appropriate care of 2. I look at all the therapies we've been able to do for DS, that have made such a huge impact for him, and I would have a much harder time doing that for another child (financially and logistically).
I'm sure we will have a third, b/c I am just not done, but I'll continue to be nervous about it. And I am 100% certain that if I do have another SN child I will not have any more.
I love babies/children and my husband and I always talked about having a large family. But it is scary. My husband wakes up at night thinking about this one having Isaac's condition. Then we sit and cry a little bit. I think neither of us will stop worrying until the baby is here and we know its ok. I guess its still really fresh in our minds since it wasn't so long ago too - so I think time could help.
Well I also like to think about stupid things to worry about with this one, not just a genetic condition. Now I like to think if I try for a VBAC I'll be one of the lucky ones with a uterine rupture, or when I have a c-section I'll have a blood clot or complications. Because I feel like I have crazy luck or something (and I'm a little crazy from the hormones).
I have to admit we are very fortunate that our son's genetic condition was a random mutation and not sex-linked so our chances of it occurring in another child are about the chances we had of having him. (which were crazy, but we have him) Its not 1 in 4 as many people face. It is just so overwhelming then coupled with hormones - it leads for a wild 9 months.
Good lord sorry for such a long ramble. I obviously think about this a lot!
I'm wishing you all the best!!!
i think about this alot. it took us a while to even decide to have one and then it seemed like the rug was pulled out from under us. i wouldn't trade my little guy for anything but i really think i would like to have another child. i just don't know if it's "fair". fair to us, to my son, or to that future child. it's a tough decision. what gets me is that my son really doesn't have a Dx at this point and i feel like the dr's are just pushing for one (meaning that the Dx isn't just random or maybe CP). the geneticist told us 25% chance of it happening again...i personally think that's presumptuous when you don't even know what you're dealing with.
but as i've seen and said before....there are people who have SN children and then have perfectly healthy 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies.
I know! It's been a roller coaster, just as you mentioned. I was actually going to quote your response and tell you how much I can relate to thinking that all sorts of bad things might happen during L&D with me or with the LO (thanks PTSD). I wish you luck getting through your pg. It's not easy to keep perspective, that's for sure.
That is why we're not having anymore biological children- we are adopting embryos from a friend.
We don't know what Marley has and may never know- most likely it's a mutation which is autosomal recessive which also means that we have a 25% chance with each pregnancy of having another affected child- and we wouldn't know for sure until birth.
25% may not not seem a lot but as a fertility nurse, 25% is HUGE! No, we will not being having anymore biological children. I know that even adopted embryos may not be perfect and anything can happen but at least I'm starting with a better chance than where I'm at now.
this exactly.
DS is blind and so his little brother is gonna have to help him a lot!! DH and I will talk about having a third in a couple of years, but for now we are happy with our two boys.