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3rd Trimester
Jerky comment from co-worker about being a working mom - WWYD?
I was having lunch with a male co-worker today. ?We have a pretty intense job in terms of work hours, call schedules, stress level, etc. ?My husband is also on our team. ?This co-worker asked me if I was planing to work part-time after baby is born. ?I told him "no". ?He asked if DH was planning to work part time. ?Again - "no". ?He then proceeds to tell me that he in his opinion, if you have the financial ability for one of you to stay home or work PT, there is no reason not to. ?He follows this up by saying that in his opinion, both of us choosing to work FT when we don't "have to" means that we are okay with someone else raising our child. ?I'm sorry - I don't really remember asking for his f*n opinion. ?Both of my parents worked FT and I don't remember being raised by anyone but them. ?He's also the same guy that said to my face that the timing of my pregnancy was very "convenient" - I just started this job on 9/1 and will be on maternity leave for 8 wks starting january. ?
?I was so pissed and at such a loss for what the hell to say! ?WWYD??
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Re: Jerky comment from co-worker about being a working mom - WWYD?
What an ass.
I would be very direct with him and if he makes any further comments, I'd go to HR.
Yeah, he's an asshat who needs to keep his mouth shut... but I am curious- could one of you afford to stay at home with the baby, or even work part time? If so, what's the rationale behind both working FT?
I'm aware of this- I was just asking a question.
What an ass. I agree with what PP said: if he says anything else, tell him to talk to your lawyer.
Some families choose to have both parents working FT, even though they don't NEED to for future security, or to boost a college fund, or bc they are simply working people who wouldn't feel "right" being home all the time. And there's a different in being able to afford to stay home, and to be comfortable and stay home. My DH and I can survive with just him working, and we make it work, but there isn't very much left over at the end of the week. So can we afford to have me stay home? Yes, we have food in the cupboards, and our bills are (mostly) always paid on time; but we can't do all of the fun stuff we were able to when I worked too. Some couples decide that just "getting by" or "going without" for a few weeks isn't good enough. Its their decision.
This. Please. Before I stopped working one of my favorite things about being in HR was having to set things straight for morons like your coworker. Seriously though, its part of HR's job and so I do second this recommendation. .
tell him to talk to your lawyer?? Are you kidding me?? What kind of advice is that? It was just this dude's opinion. C'mon.
Here's some real advice. Blow it off if you don't agree with it, and get a thicker skin. You're about to have a kid, and you're going to get lambasted with peoples opinions on your choices whether you like it or not.
I'd ignore him after saying something to the effect of, "Thanks for your opinion, though I didn't ask for it. You're welcome to do what you think is right for your child and we'll do what we think is right for ours."
If he continues, I'd go to HR. It's inappropriate and he's making you feel uncomfortable. But essentially, even though it irritates you, he's not harrassing you if you have already told him to stop. Once you've asked him to stop the comments, anything further is over the top and should be taken to HR.
THIS. Thank you. I can appreciate being hormonal, but gosh, women on this board have some touchy hair triggers sometimes! Let it go in one ear and out the other.
And for what it's worth, whether you want ot hear it or not, the co-worker has a point. His forum was crass and his opinions unsolicited, but the simple reality is, if you and DH are both working full-time, SOMEONE ELSE is taking care of your child for 10 (sometimes more) hours a day. If you're working a typical 8 hour day, you'll get 4-5 hours at most in the evening and your weekends. Call it what you will, but to me, that's someone else raising my child. And before you get upset, I went back to work after DS was born and was initially okay with putting him in daycare. We moved shortly thereafter and I've been home with him for a year and a half. Now that I've stayed home with him and seen what someone else would have had to do with him had I NOT been home, NO WAY. DH and I will sacrifice what we need to in order for me to stay home.
Well, I think that comment about your pregnancy being convenient is totally ridiculous! This country is so behind in it's maternity views and laws. I mean women have to be pregnant, so we should support it a lot more instead of thinking of it as a "choice" or a "disability".
I think what a lot of people don't understand is that working is not just about making money. For some people, their career is about their identity, personal fulfillment, long-term goals, etc. I am personally going to stay at home for a while and then maybe after a year or so go back to work if I'm not knocked up again. My current job is just a job for me. But if I had still been working at my old job which was a lot more meaningful, I think I'd have a harder time giving it up.
Being a happy parent that can give emotionally to your child is more important than just being home. I've seen moms that are very resentful and depressed about "just being a mom" and you can see that clearly in their attitudes towards their children. They love them and try their best, but you can't hide your feelings all the time. I think they might be better off working.
Anyways. I basically stay away from people who are negative towards me. I don't care if you're my boss, my mom or my best friend. I can only handle so much stress right now. If you say something to him, he'll probably just think you're hormonal. I get so annoyed when people are dismissive of your feelings just cause you're pregnant.
I find that simply saying 'It's a personal choice' makes people back off a little. If you want to be nasty you can say 'It's a personal choice you don't get to make for me'.
I've got a pretty thick skin - trust me. I've had opinions and judgments tossed my way a lot through this pregnancy. I am one of 3 women on a team of 70+ men AND I am brand new and showed up pregnant. DH and I were told we couldn't have kids because of all of my prior cancer treatments, so obviously we were pretty surprised and this was not planned.
No lawyer, no HR. I was more looking for advice on how to respond calmly and still keep the peace at work....
THANK YOU! I am not looking for lawyers, HR, intervention. I'm not really too hormonal. I realize it is just his opinion and it wasn't said to judge me or to be mean - it was what he and his wife chose for their family. I was just at a total loss of what to say in response. I just kind of shrugged like an ass. I wish I had just said what you suggested. Can't believe I didn't think of something so simple yet effective
Oh well - next time, I'll have it in my arsenal, cuz I'm sure there'll be a next time.