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3rd Trimester
twobecomethree
member
SIL thinks she's coming in the delivery room!
twobecomethree
member
Some background - DH and I live 4 hours from family and DH works crazy hours and is on a night shift for the next 9 days. SIL offered to come up to stay with us these last few weeks so that if i do go into labor I won't be alone. Great offer, we took her up on it.
So, yesterday she came with us on the L&D tour. The nurse asked if she was the labor coach and we just said yes for sake of keeping things easy... well from there, the nurse and she were talking about labor and the delivery room... later that night she was talking to MIL and said how excited she is that she'll be able to stay in the delivery room since she's the coach. I was kind of thrown off and didnt' want to say anything right then with MIL on the line... not sure how this happened. I've been so clear from the beginning that I only wanted DH in the room. I feel bad telling her she's not allowed in, esp since she's doing so much for us by being here with us... she's so excited about the baby, but I just dont think i would feel comfortable with her in the room. Maybe at that point, I won't care who's in the room as long as the whole process is over. But I really wanted it to be private... ugh.
Should I say something? or have DH say something??? Dont want to hurt her feelings...
or is there any way she could stay for part and then leave???
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Re: SIL thinks she's coming in the delivery room!
Wow that sucks!
Let DH handle it ... its his family and let him talk to her.. it wont create as much tension as if you confront her
Good luck!
Yikes, I think you opened this can of worms on your tour. While I labored with DD, I had my whole family in the room. They left for any dilation checks or invasive procedures, but for the most part, they kept me sane. The only private moment I felt was necessary was when I was pushing and she first came out.
Maybe she can come until it's time to push. You never know how long you will end up laboring, and you might get sick of it being just the 2 of you. Plus, you're DH will need a break to get food, etc. so having her around will help relieve him.
I would say something to her and explain how you feel, or just let her come in and go from there and see how you feel at the time.
I orginally only wanted my DH in the room but when I went into labor I asked my MIL, my mom and my SIL to come in to experience the delivery too. I am so thankful that I changed my mind, it was still a very private thing and DH and I were able to spend the first moments with Jack. My SIL is only 16 and she thought it was the coolest thing to watch him be born.
Good luck!
Okay, this is the approach I think i'm going to take... she'll understand that I don't want her to be there for all the gorey details... :-) DH is a resident at the hospital and if he's stuck in surgery I def dont want to be alone... but I think she'll understand that I want it to be just me and him. I've know SIL since I'm 5, so I think she'll get it. Or at least I hope. :-)
I agree that you kind of caused this by opening that door during the tour and not immediately clarifying with SIL before she started spreading the word. I can't figure out why you couldn't just have said "no" on the tour?
In any case, it is up to DH to fix this issue in a sensitive manner because I can totally see why she thinks she will be there- you told her AND a large group of strangers that she WOULD be there!
We said she was the coach bc you're only allowed to bring one person on the tour, but I brought DH and her. The nurse was making a big stink about policy and registration. If I just said she's DH's sister, they wouldnt have let her in. Since DH's schedule is so crazy, chances are she'll be the one bringing me to the hospital and getting everything taken care of, so I wanted her to come so she knew what to do. Saying she was the coach was the only way to let her on the tour.
SIL and I have know eachother since we're 5 and were friends long before DH and I met ... so it's not a typical in law arrangement. she's one of my best friends... so that's why I don't want to hurt her feelings and it's a sensitive issue, not because she's an inlaw.
I understand why you took her on the tour, etc. I also understand why you want it to be just you and Dh if it can be. I also understand why her feelings will be hurt when you tell her this. What a situation! I mean she might feel like she is good enough to be there if Dh isn't but not good enough to be there if he is. I am sure you have already gone over all this in your head, lol.
I guess what I am trying to say is be as honest as possible but maybe tell her you know how silly it might sound to her but if it can be just you and DH you want it to be that way because you feel like it is a great opportunity to bring you and Dh closer together as a married couple. Like a bonding thing... ???? I might understand that even if I thought I was gonna be there and then found out I wasn't.
thanks for "listening." it's a touchy situation... i appreciate your thoughts. i agree, i just ahve to be gentle about how i bring it up and what i say... :-)
I believe that she would say otherwise after the L&D tour.
If your comfortable having her in the room until you actually start to push that might work.
Otherwise just let her know your sorry for the miscommunication at the hospital but you really only feel comfortable with you and your dh in the room.
I didn't want anyone in the room with me either, but my husband called everyone! but as soon as the pushing was about to start they all had to leave. There isn't anything to see until that point, I was just laying there in misery while they all chatted.