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2nd Trimester
read if your mother is nuts
Hey ladies,
I was wondering if anyone is having problems with there contolling mothers. My mother and i have a hard time getting along. the only reason we really talk is because i have a15 year old sister.so I cant really avoid her like i want to.I am 25 weeks now and my mother is for some reason in competion with my husbands mother. my mil is very sweet and is not like that at all. my mil even keeps to herself. I was having lunch with my sister yesterday and my mother showed up",sigh". my mom started crying out of the blue and stated that she better get to hold the baby first before my husbands mother does. I said this is a happy time in my life and im not going to worry about who is holding the baby after me and my husband have our bonding time with the baby. its petty. ofcourse she started crying like a child saying she better hold her before his mom does. another incident was my mil offered to buy the crib for us and we were very gratefull to her for that. my mother found out and all hell broke lose. my mother is now mad about that. my mother cant afford to by the crib but she dosent want his mom to. it is very stressfull for me. and if i try to get my mom to rationalize she usually just cries and says that she is the grandmother not her because her daughter is carrying the baby. and says his mom has been a grandmother twicw and this is her first. my mom creates this drama and my poor mil keeps to herself and never does or says such things. she is always trying to help us and be understanding. my mom has just lost it and i dont know how to handle her anymore. she says off the wall things that dont even make sense. like when i said to her it would probly be a little bit until anyone comes back in after baby is born because i would like to nurse right away. my mother yells at me and says your not supposed to breast feed right away! that is the last thing that baby wants! you dont worry about that for a few hours!!! me and my sister sit there with our mouths open starring at each other. I just wanted to vent and ask if anyone else goes through this with there mothers? forgot to add that my mom also said that she is going to have a hard time not saying to the baby come to mommy!instead of grandma. I said get used to it ther is only one mommy.
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Re: read if your mother is nuts
You're not alone! Only my mother likes to play the martyr. Her thing is to say that my MIL should be the one to be close with the LO because this is MIL's first grandchild. My mom says she'll take a "hands off" approach. To make things fun, my MIL is an infant mental health specialist and any advice she gives, my mother said she did with her children.
She's also extremely irrational. I recently spoke with her about a midwife and she went nuts on me! Saying things like midwives cause cerebral palsy and she's seen it.
I've come to the point where I've told DH that I don't want her there when I give birth. It's sooooo frustrating!
my mother is also nuts. I actually haven't spoken to her in the last 4.5 months because of it. She doesn't even know I'm pregnant right now. She'd probably behave the same way based on how she acted leading up to our wedding. She and my MIL used to be friends, but then everything became a competition when my husband and I started dating (note - she was crazy WAY before that). Obviously, my solution now is to avoid her, but I'm lucky that my little sister is also grown and out of the house.
Maybe just be firm with your mom and tell her there will be no fighting over the baby or else she won't get to see the baby. Sometimes we have to treat our parents like children...especially when they start acting like children. I feel for you, I really do!
I'd give anything in the world to have an overbearing mother instead of the ahem.."gem", I got stuck with. Long story short, she cheated on my father, kicked him out, moved her boyfriend in the next day and married him while off on a cruise all while my sister went to Navy bootcamp and neither one of us knows who this man is! Sorry...back to topic.
I would honestly just set boundaries with your mother like a PP said. This is YOUR child, not hers. And the fact that she believes she is the grandmother and your DH's mother isnt is crazy! My son's children will be equally mine as their grandmother on the other side...no way around that! I know you said that she cant afford the crib and all, but maybe you should let her buy you a big ticket item just to get her to stop some drama....Good luck!!
Is your mother going through menopause or something?
In any case, she is using tears as a weapon to get her way, and make people feel sorry for her. It will only get worse when the baby gets here, so I would set boundaries now, or you will spend the next 18 years dealing with a role reversal of your mother acting like the child and you the adult.
OMG! I think we must have the same mother! My mother's biggest meltdown has been over the fact that my MIL wants to be called Grammy & thats what she wants to be called too... I only fear it'll get worse...
I'm sorry that I really have no advice, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!
OMG. My kids and I lived with my parents the first few years of their lives and they got use to calling my parents mom and dad. BIG MISTAKE! Now they call me mommy and my mom "mama" but we're working on just "Grandma" for her. I actually told my mom in one of our recent fights that if she wants kids so bad to have so more of her own, but to stop trying to take mine. arrrrgh. I feel ya.
might be a dumb question but what does AW stand for
AW= attention whore
My mom totally wrecks my head. I can't even go into the reasons why without getting really fired up and upset. She has diarrhea of the mouth and says mean and or embarassing things to people all the time.
I have to distance myself from her. It has been hard, but it has gotten easier over the past year or so.
I'm sorry your mom is hard to deal with. The "mommy" comment would send me over the edge.
My mom is exactly like that!! I have cried many tears over it, but now I'm to the point where I just choose not to talk to her when she's being like that. I tell her I will talk to her when she's ready to be rational. My husband is in the Army and we currently live 1,200 miles from home. We were planning on getting out when his contract was up and moving home but we decided to reenlist instead. We will now be stationed 3,000 miles from home. Let me tell you, my mother threw a full-blown tantrum about this. She went on and on and on about how she will never see her grandchild and it's not fair to her, and just threw herself a pity party, crying and acting like we are such horrible, selfish people for reenlisting.
She also is in constant competition with my MIL (even though my MIL is not). She says completely rude and irrational things like telling me that I like my MIL better than her, and that it's not fair that my in-laws have more money than her so they will get to fly out to see the baby more often. It is extremely frustrating and upsetting, but everyone knows how she is, and all we can really do is ignore it. I just wanted to let you know you're definitely not alone.