younger or older?

jiffy-pop · October 2009

What do you guys think about having babies when your young? old? DH and I are both 24 and TTC this month. Some people tell us to have them when we're young. Some say wait a few years. Which do you think is better?

MrsKLS · October 2009

I don;t know that there is a "better". I would have loved to have had my babies in my 20's...however I didn't meet the right man till i was 35. Now at 38 I am PG with #2.

I will say that at my age..some things are a little easier for me: I am very financially secure....so things like the cost of daycare and such aren't that big a worry for me (I live in a HCOL state...daycare for infants runs around $1600/mo). I also think I am a little more relaxed and possibly deal a little better under stress then I did in my 20's. Also, I got all my "partying" out of me in my 20's so being home on weekends with a baby isn't that big of a deal...I don't long to go out and hang with my friends because we are all marrieds with families now.

The downside, I think it is a little harder on my body being PG now as opposed to my 20's. I also had a bit more stress with scary test results for DS (thankfully everything turned out fine), but with the age you get increased chances of having chromosone issues.

In the end, no one can tell you what is right for you...only you and your husband can decide that. good luck to you!

redheadedgirl · October 2009

Maybe some ladies who had babies early in their lives then another after 35 would be better suited to weigh in on this then me, but here are my thoughts. At 24 I was not in a position where I wanted to have a child. I was still finishing law school, wanted to start a career and oh yea still was looking for the right guy. So personally there is no way I can imagine having an 11 year old right now. I'm thrilled to have put my life in a place that I am now comfortable bringing a child into. But again this is just one girls thoughts, I will be 53 when my daughter graduates from high school, so there's that......

jarbatz · October 2009

I agree with pp that there really isn't a "better" time...I think you just have to be in the right place in your life to bring a child into this world.

I never imagined I'd be having my first when I was 36 but I also didn't think it would take me this long to find Mr. Right! ) And looking back on my early 20's I know there is NO WAY I could have been a mother then. I still had a lot of growing to do then. But I also am not looking forward to being the oldest mom in my child's class! And DH is 10 years older than me so he will really be ancient when our kid hits school!

There's no right answer though....personally I think you do a lot of growing, changing, evolving in your early 20's and having kids can change the whole dynamics of that....I'm not saying you shouldn't have children...just things to consider.

And I think its great that you're even asking the question...shows a lot of maturity on your part that you're really thinking this through...so many people just blindly decide to have kids b/c its the next logical step.

And you are very lucky to have so many choices right now....I envy your position....DH & I were married in May and made the decision that we had to start trying right away since we didn't know how long it would take. Luckily for us, it worked on the first cycle!

Good luck!

daisydana · October 2009

There really isn't any right or wrong answer. You and your DH need to decide when the time is right for you.

I had grand plans when I was younger. I wanted to have babies when I was in my 20's. I thought I would be married by 23 or 24, have my first around 26 or 27. But my life just wasn't ready yet. I have found that things sort of happen when they are supposed to. I don't always know why, but nothing really ever goes exactly according to plan. And that's just fine with me.

You are married, I assume happily, and must really feel ready to start a family since you are actively TTC. As long as your DH is on the same page, I don't see why you wouldn't.

superaunt · October 2009

jiffy-pop:
What do you guys think about having babies when your young? old? DH and I are both 24 and TTC this month. Some people tell us to have them when we're young. Some say wait a few years. Which do you think is better?

Well, considering I'm "OLD" and this is my first and I've lived through my 20s and most of my 30s I'm going to go with ... it's better to wait till you're OLD.

Seriously though, I do not know how I would've done this 10 years ago, let alone 15. But every one and circumstance is different... GL!

dkays · October 2009

Being pg now @ 39 and having a 19 year old DD who is off at college, my one suggestion is to try not be be pg when your first one goes off to college 1700 miles from home. GL.

RaeAnt · October 2009

I would have preferred to have had our first at a younger age....younger than my mom at least. mostly due to the stigma attached to being older. But ya know what, I'm older and the baby is healthy and we just so happy o be having one. Things rarely work out how you wanted or previously planned. Plus career wise, it wouldn't have worked had we had a baby before now. I would have been miserable. Now it's the perfect timing. Who'd a thought I'd be happy to be having our first on the back side of 30. I figured I'd be done by now.

serrill2 · October 2009

I had my son at 23 and my daughter at 25. Now I am 42 with a daughter coming in about 3.5 months.

I enjoyed being a young mother, but I really felt like life was going by in a rush of babies, careers, commuting, daycare, sports, travel etc. I guess that is my way of saying that it felt like so much crammed into too few years. There were far more happy times than sad times, but I could never shake the feeling of being "pressed" and always out of time.

This time I feel like time goes more slowly, that I am able to enjoy this pregnancy more, instead of always looking ahead to the next milestone. I don't feel guilty for napping, or do I feel an urge to try to get everything done, like I did with my first two.

The downside is that I worry more, such as if there is something wrong with me or my baby, and will I be the oldest mom at pre-school.

In summary, I feel much more able to prioritize now, I have a stronger sense of what is truly important to me, I have been blessed to be able to travel and learn many hobbies, and most of all I have two "mostly" grown children that are the love of my life and have shared these experiences with me. I love them so much, and we are all looking forward to our new addition.

hroyer1998 · November 2009

Only you can decide that - I am 35 and having my first kid, but I really wouldn't have done it any other way since I was in college, building my career and traveling. It depends on what your priorities are as a married couple. Also - it depends on your financial status. Can you afford to have a kid at this time? I have friends that are married and in their 20s..and are opting to wait for a few years to just enjoy each other. Honestly though - since you asked, if my kids came to me at 24, I would suggest waiting a bit longer so that you can enjoy your 20s with just each other.

GL with whatever you decide!

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