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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
mavilabride
member
This will probably bite me in the a$$ later (a FI vent)
mavilabride
member
He's seriously hanging on by a very short and thin piece of thread with me. He isn't helping out the way he is supposed to. To get him to do anything it's a huge fight. And then today's gem:
Last night DD just would not sleep. She was up every 2 hours since 7:30 and by 2:30 would not go back to sleep. He has today off from work and I had to yell at him to get up and stay with her for a little while so that I could get some sleep because I have to work. I didn't sleep a wink because I could hear her crying even with the monitor off so I just stayed up with her.
Then I'm getting ready for work and taking my time. DD finally fell asleep and I'm thisclose to walking out when he asks why I haven't gotten her ready. Yes, he was not expecting to take care of her today. Argument, of course and I just get her ready and take her to his mom's house.
Then I get to his mom's house and we're going over the bottles. I send over 4-5 bottles. If she has 2 leftover, she keeps one and gives on to FI. If she has just one, she gives that one to FI when he picks her up. I tell her to give whatever is leftover to FI because he's not working today and will be by early to pick her up (I assumed this).
He called me 10 minutes ago upset because his mom called to ask what time he was coming over. He didn't want her to know that he was off from work because he wasn't planning on getting her at all and was mad that I told her.
Doesn't the fact that you have to hide that you are off and not taking care of your daughter give you a clue that it's not exactly a nice thing to do?
I never, ever thought that bringing someone so beautiful into this world would be the end of our 8 year relationship. It's sad and disgusting at the same time.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: This will probably bite me in the a$$ later (a FI vent)
Ohh, Mavila, I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm having similar issues with my husband (only helping out when he feels like it or if the baby is happy and laughing). A friend online mentioned that while some women go through PPD, many men seem to go through PBA - Post-Baby Asshattery. I thought this was hilarious. It just seems like some men can't handle the responsibility in the beginning or are worried they will screw something up, so they detach.
I wouldn't assume your relationship is over. Hopefully he'll recognize what's going on and step it up. I assume you've talked to him a hundred times about it and he's still acting the same way? I say this because having the same convo with DH over and over just doesn't seem to help.
....If he has the day off, what does he plan on doing with himself today? Do you pay his mom to watch DD, or is she just doing it out of the kindness of her heart? I don't understand why he doesn't even want to spend any time with her. My DH jumps at the chance to get C from daycare early or hang out with him on the weekend.
I'm sorry he's acting this way. That sucks.
That's awful! I would be pissed too!
So, is your relationship ending b/c of this? Are you gonna leave him?
Wow I would be really pissed off to. What the hell was he doing that was so important that he could not watch his DD?
That's why I assumed he would at least get her early. He had to go to the post office because we were out of town and stopped the mail and he mentioned needing a haircut. I thought he would go pick her up after that. Nope. He's going to his friend's house. Really? I met him when he was 23 and he acted more mature then than he does now.
He says he just wants some "me" time. From what? He takes care of her for 1.5 hours in the evening and helps me with little things here and there. That's it.
What pisses me off is that if I had today off, there is no way DD would be anywhere else.
We do pay his mom because I wanted to pay her (she didn't want us to).
I'm kinda going through the same thing with my FI... if you need someone to chat with, I'm always around!
Lindsay2784@hotmail.com
Hope things get better for you
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. My DH is very similar to your FI in the fact that he really doesn't want to go out of his way to do anything to help me with DD unless he absolutely has to. We have had countless arguements over this too.
I have a friend who is getting her masters in child development, and she said that fathers don't usually begin to bond with their children until they are at LEAST 2 months old, and many don't fully bond until the children are at least 4 months old, whereas the mother bonds with the child during pregnancy. I am hopeful that DH will come around once he fully bonds with DD. I hope the same thing for your FI too.
BFP#3 12/09/12 - EDD 8/11/2013 - D&C @ 12w :: BFP #4 2/17/14 - EDD 10/28/2014 - M/C @ 6w
Not since having DD. He was never like this. Sure we had our arguments but nothing out of the ordinary and we would bounce back up. We were always a team, he always helped out and was very considerate/sensitive/loving. I don't know who this new guy is at all and I don't like it.
That makes me LOL. I would slap DH if he ever said that to me. He wants "me" time? When do we ever get "me" time? The last time I had any time just for myself was a couple of weekends ago at a wedding out of town (for which we brought a sitter). The bathroom in the hotel suite was amazing, so I locked myself in there for an hour and took a bubble bath because I knew the sitter would watch my son while DH watched football. That is the only alone time I have had since C was born, except for bathroom visits. I'm sure you'd like a little time to yourself as well.
My mom used to repeat this little saying to me: a man works from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done. And I've always thought that sucked!
I'm so sorry, have you tried having an honest conversation with about how you think if his behavior doesn't change you don't know how your relationship can continue?
I can't imagine my DH saying that he didn't want to spend time with his son when he has off work, to me it would sound like he didn't want DS anymore, just trying to pawn him off. Your DD is so beautiful, this makes me sad.
Wow. I just changed my mind about yelling at DH for leaving his breakfast dishes in the sink again. I am sorry.
Sometimes men aren't helpful because they don't know what to do and hate admitting it. Does your FI hate asking for directions etc? He may just be lost and worried about screwing up and be hiding from his responsibilities for this reason, or he may just be selfish. You know him best. Can you try giving him some pep talks and unasked for advice so he feels more confident? Maybe that will help.
Oh Mavila...I'm so sorry. I totally understand your being distraught about this. I'M annoyed with DH for going home early today and not picking up DD and he's sick. (Or "sick" ... I don't know which yet).
Do you think he'd be open to talking about this with you?
ughh I am sorry, sometimes I think men don't realize how much life really has changed.
I hope it gets better for you
Proud mama to a boys- 6/17/09 - a girl 2/23/11- and a boy 8/20/12