s/o strict parenting

angelynn8411 · October 2009

for those of you who have older kids, especially..how do you find the line between too strict and not strict enough?

I hate seeing bratty older kids, esp in my play group and i keep thinking "HOW can i not let H turn into that?". It's hard for me to understand what my expectations should be at this age. I don't want to be overly strict with her, esp since i don't know how much she gets about the word "no" etc, but I don't want to be so lenient that she starts to thinks she runs the show and everything. KWIM?

and what advice do you have?

JARbaby · October 2009

My Mom thinks I am too strict (say the woman who ran a very tight ship), but sometimes, I am too damn tired to care that she is being obnoxious. Not good for either of us.

I pimp 1-2-3 Magic over and over but it really works and sets clear expectations and removes all need for getting upset. Changed our lives.

caeliesmom · October 2009

My experience comes from raising my younger sister from the age of 15 but what I found to be the most effective is to follow through on consequences. I see so many parent make empty threats and then not follow through and I think that's where lack of respect comes from.

I also think it's important to acknowlege good behavior as they are growing up and let them know that will get them more attention than the negative behavior.

janinekrause · October 2009

i don't have older kids but i think they know way more and understand then people give them credit for.

madhatter2003 · October 2009

be loving yet firm and consistent.

I'm by not means an 'expert', but I know once you let a toddler do something once they will want to do it over and over.

They *do* understand much much more than people give kids credit for IMO.

Boundaries are actually good and make kids feel safer, but they *will* try and test those boundaries over an over.

And things change. What was not ok at 1 may be fine at 3, or vice versa. Parenting is a journey, you'll both adapt, but you are the parent and not their 'friend'. Your kid will cry at times, that is ok.

PlannedChaos · October 2009

I AM an expert. And all I can tell you is - what is or is not "too strict" varies from one child to the next.

angelynn8411 · October 2009

PlannedChaos:
I AM an expert. And all I can tell you is - what is or is not "too strict" varies from one child to the next.

let me give you a for instance. DD throws fits during meal time if i don't let her fling food. I give her her own spoon to play with, and try feeding her with another, which worked until recently. now she screams and grabs it out of my hand and flings it. she will eat finger food though, but sometimes, her food (say, soup) must be eaten with a spoon. Do i say this is normal for this age? do i say "ok, then you're clearly not hungry" and put food away so she learns its not play time? etc etc

PlannedChaos · October 2009

angelynn8411:

PlannedChaos:
I AM an expert. And all I can tell you is - what is or is not "too strict" varies from one child to the next.

let me give you a for instance. DD throws fits during meal time if i don't let her fling food. I give her her own spoon to play with, and try feeding her with another, which worked until recently. now she screams and grabs it out of my hand and flings it. she will eat finger food though, but sometimes, her food (say, soup) must be eaten with a spoon. Do i say this is normal for this age? do i say "ok, then you're clearly not hungry" and put food away so she learns its not play time? etc etc

It IS normal for her to do that, but also time to start putting those rules in place. I would definitely do the "Ok, if you're going to throw it you can't have it." and take it away. Yes, she's going to throw a tantrum, but you can't give in. My oldest DD did that a lot when she figured out the dogs would eat her food if she threw it off the tray. We had countless days of taking the food away, her throwing a fit because she was still hungry. So I'd give her the tray back, and she'd do it again, and I'd take it away again. Eventually we got enough single bites in that I felt she'd had enough food, and eventually she quit doing it, but I cannot TELL you how much patience that took. Also, that child had no regard for the fact that meal time could not take 2 hours.

Sometimes being consistent and following through on it...just sucks.

angelynn8411 · October 2009

PlannedChaos:
angelynn8411:

PlannedChaos:
I AM an expert. And all I can tell you is - what is or is not "too strict" varies from one child to the next.

let me give you a for instance. DD throws fits during meal time if i don't let her fling food. I give her her own spoon to play with, and try feeding her with another, which worked until recently. now she screams and grabs it out of my hand and flings it. she will eat finger food though, but sometimes, her food (say, soup) must be eaten with a spoon. Do i say this is normal for this age? do i say "ok, then you're clearly not hungry" and put food away so she learns its not play time? etc etc

It IS normal for her to do that, but also time to start putting those rules in place. I would definitely do the "Ok, if you're going to throw it you can't have it." and take it away. Yes, she's going to throw a tantrum, but you can't give in. My oldest DD did that a lot when she figured out the dogs would eat her food if she threw it off the tray. We had countless days of taking the food away, her throwing a fit because she was still hungry. So I'd give her the tray back, and she'd do it again, and I'd take it away again. Eventually we got enough single bites in that I felt she'd had enough food, and eventually she quit doing it, but I cannot TELL you how much patience that took. Also, that child had no regard for the fact that meal time could not take 2 hours.

Sometimes being consistent and following through on it...just sucks.

ok, thank you so much. like i said, it's hard for me to know as a first time mom what to expect but i definitely want to build a good foundation of me being the boss, KWIM?

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