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Eco-Friendly Family
DH is trying to come home early...
THAT'S how much I need sleep. I've cried most of the day today from pure exhaustion. I feel 100% for about 8 hours after 3-4 hours of sleep... but the last sleep I got was only an hour... from 5-6 AM. I love the cuddle time with DS, but the lack of sleep is starting to make feel like a terrible mom. Yesterday I had a moment that made me decide that letting DS sleep on my chest while I'm sleeping is no longer a safe option for us. But he won't sleep soundly anywhere but on one of us or in the carseat. This morning Idrove him around to get him to fall asleep so that I could sleep... but the second we got back home he woke up again. We gave the swing back to our neighbors because he didn't like it enough for us to justify spending $75. We don't have a bouncer yet, but want to get one ASAP. I just need to find one at a consignment shop for cheap... probably with virbration. Or a rocker would be good too... he likes a rocking motion. I just can't believe its only Wednesday.
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Re: DH is trying to come home early...
I remember those days (and i know I have more coming up!).
Try to hang in there. It's hard, and it feels like forever, but it really doesn't last forever. You WILL feel rested again. Do you have anyone else you can call to give you an hour or two to rest?
My LO really likes to sleep on our chests too. This is what I do..
I wear her in my maya wrap so that she is on my chest and I walk around and or rock her until she is in a DEEP sleep. In the mean time I put a heating pad in her co sleeper. Once I'm sure she is asleep and isn't going to wake up I loosen my sling so that I can take it off of me but it is still wrapped around her and slowly lower her into the co sleeper.
I hope you can find a solution to your problems..being sleep deprived is no good for momma or baby..in the mean time..*hugs*
Nope. All of my friends work full time (same hours as DH) and our families don't live here. My grandparents will be visiting in th emiddle of the week soon... I guess next week since I haven't heard from them this week. That will help out A LOT. They are only coming to hold him anyway, so I can sleep TONS. They'll only be here for 2 or 3 days though. Everyone else visits on weekends, when DH is around anyway. Funny how the two nights a week that are HIS now (Fri and Sat), he gets his mommy to help him... but on MY nights, I'm mostly alone. My family won't be visiting again until Nov. :-( Not that they're much help. My sister isn't great with kids yet (she's young) and my Dad falls asleep too easily to be trusted for very long. And my Step mom... well... I doubt she'll even come. She's flaked out of the last THREE visits down here.
I know you have heard a lot of advice the past few weeks and I haven't read all of it, so forgive me if I am repeating information. However, I find DS needs to be asleep withing two hours of waking up. That means I begin to nurse and soothe him to sleep about 20 min before I want him asleep so about 1.5 hours after he wakes from his last nap. I usually nurse him to sleep. After about 20 min of nursing, he often pulls off but not always. If he hasn't pulled off and has moved into comfort nursing, I take him off while still holding him close to the breast. If he roots a lot and starts to wake then I put him back on, but often he just settles into snuggle. I let him stay there for a minute or 2 and then can lay him down. I get at least 30 min but usually an hour. At first I had to lay him down on the boppy, as that seemed to snuggle and cradle him best and make him most comfortable, but I don't know how comfortable you'd be with that.
Some days are just rough. Don't feel bad. It does get easier and even then you have bad days. I remember DH got a call from me when DD was about a year old when she was teething. I was crying and said, "don't you dare stay late" as that was the plan when he left in the morning. Instead he opted to come home early. He found me and DD at the park. She had no shoes on, because I had to get out of the house and didn't want to take the time to find shoes. Big hugs...you'll get through it.
Mother's Day, 2011
Have you tried swaddling? Has the Happiest Baby on the Block been helpful at all? Did my links help?
Maybe he needs a different routine? I know for Kate she needed to be put down for her naps earlier then I thought. I also learned that she really needed a very calm environment. We had to limit outings, outside stimulation and visitors. She needed things to be really low key or she got too keyed up and frustrated.
I agree call the consignment store to see if they have what you are looking for and then take DS with you. That way you can try him in it before buying. Plus you get a change of scenery, which can sometimes take your mind off of how tired and exhausted you are while making time go a little faster than watching the clock tick by at home.
((hugs)) I know it's tough in the beginning. I agree with the pp that we had to have DS back down to sleep within 2 hours of waking or the entire day was shot. Also DS STILL sleeps swaddled! He won't sleep any other way. He cries while I swaddle him but as soon as the swaddle is on he calms down and then he will nurse or bounce to sleep. I'm pretty sure you don't live anywhere near me or I would give you our bouncy
DS loved it in the beginning and would sleep great in it.
We were putting him in the Boppy at first because he was so still when he slept, but we can't do that now either. Now he's becoming a mover and shaker. The last time we let him sleep in the Boppy, he scootched himself all the way down into it so that he was flat against the bottom of the bassinet. It was a-freaking-dorable and I wish we'd taken a picture, but it definitely means its not safe for him to do that anymore. His head control is AMAZING for being so young. (Seriously, I know 3 monthers with less head control) That makes me feel a little safer with some things, but I'm just not sure what to try next... (someone told me that they let their DS sleep on his belly because he wouldn't sleep on his back... something that I ALSO think is a problem, as he only sleeps on his belly or side whenhe's on one of us)
Thank you for not letting him sleep in the Boppy anymore. It's really, really NOT safe. The way their head is positioned it can cause them to suffocate.
I tried ALL of the things on Happiest Baby on the Block. So did DH and MIL. And they just don't work for us. DS doesn't like to be swaddled when he's by himself (so we'd have to un-swaddle him once we put him down, which wakes him up). Shushing has 0 effect no matter what the situation is. Shaking/bouncing does help and is the most effective of everything (I need to remember to get the exercise ball down and pump it up to help us with th ebouncing), but it still doesn't help him sleep, just helps to calm him when he's fussy. DS didn't like being held on his side and down either. And the sucking... that's just a whole other issue. He won't take a paci or finger, just my boob... and some way, some how, I think he's still getting more more than he is supposed to when he's comfort nursing. (Either he's not mastered a comfort nursing suckle or my nips are too sensitve and are letting down more than he needs) The ONLY time we're having spit up issues now are after he's nursed for long periods of time or multiple times close together.
Your links WERE VERY helpful. I am looking at the other Dunstan language stuff to try to get the other lessons.
I'm not even sure where to start with a routine, honestly. Seriously- 0 idea.
It helps get him to sleep, but not stay asleep in his bassinet or crib. He falls asleep on us fairly easily (THANK GOD we've gotten past some of the MAJOR fussiness he was having). The issue now is that he won't stay asleep in the bassinet or crib for more than 10 minutes once we've put him down. DH is getting better about sleeping with him on his chest, so that might provide some relief for both of us. I don't mind not napping (me) much during the day if I can get a little more at night.
Well...that's what we are here for.
I would start with when he first wakes up from a nap. I would see if he wants to eat or needs a diaper change. Then I would maybe see if he wants to play or this is the time to do active things. This would be when I would run an errand or have a visitor.
After about an hour or so I'd start watching him for cues. He may still want to be engaged for a bit or he might show signs of wanting to slow down. This would be the time I would swaddle him (we did a modified swaddle with both of our kids...they loved to be held tight but HATED having their arms swaddled so we just didn't do the arms), see if he wants to nurse and then start getting him back down for a nap.
Here is the BEST and most honest advice I can give you. He's only a month old and I think part of the problem may be that he's just a little freaked out. This whole new world is strange and scary and the best thing you can do for both of you is to keep things simple. Take a few days to stay home and just hang out with him. Rest/sleep when he sleeps. Don't worry about fancy meals. This is the time for take-out and PB&J and paper plates.
The best way to figure out what his schedule is going to be is to take a few days to let him lead you to what will work best for him and then help him adjust so that you guys can work to see what works for you as a family.
Unfortunately you may always feel like this.
DS sleeps really well on DH's night, yes, just one, and even on that night I normally have to get him at least once.
I'm so sorry. DS slept on my chest for the longest time. Then I figured out side lying (laying?) nursing and he slept curled in my arm. You do what you have to for survival. ((hugs))
Tales of the Wife
i haven't been on here enough to read much of your other posts, but have you talked to the doctor about his sleep habits? It sounds a lot like how my DS got to be around 1-1.5 months, which is when we had him diagnosed with reflux. The reason in our case that he slept best on our chest is that it was at an incline. The boucy seat was also a great anlgle because of that.
I am thinking you should find a local mommy support group. In my area there is a branch of the mommies network. Maybe you can find someone in your area to help give you a break, or even find someone to sell or give you some baby gear to make your life easier.
hope you got some rest, and let us know if there is anything we can do. Where are you located, by the way. I have a bouncy sitting in my attic collecting dust...
Agreed pretty much word for word with above, just a thought. Also I agree with many previous posters that you are not alone, this can be a REALLY hard time with a tiny one. I really thought DS seemed to settle in to life in general about 6 weeks; it was a huge change. Perhaps that's b/c he was treated for reflux & felt better, I don't know!
I distinctly remember calling my DH *crying* and asking him to come home from work to help me! I just felt really terrible about not being able to get DS better calmed down & would have liked to hear someone else say, "you are not a bad Mommy, this is just how little babies are" so that's what I am trying to convey.
Please hang in there, rest whenever you can, and let all chores & whatnot wait until DH gets home, then you can tackle things together or better yet you can rest & he can tackle! I know that was a huge problem for me, I was always trying to just do one load of laundry, or load the dishwasher, or write thank you's, or whatever it was I thought I needed to be doing. Just NAP whenever that kiddo shuts his eyes for even a minute!! Good luck, you are doing a great job & things will settle down soon. Hang in.