Bored with my marriage

ItsJustMeLove · October 2009

There is zero romance in my marriage and I am SO bored. I mean, isn't it a bad sign when you beg your husband for sex and get rejected every time??? I mean, he gets "in the mood" and initiates sex maybe once every few weeks. WTH?? I've asked him so many times why this is or if it's me and he says he's "tired". He's tired but will stay up til 11 every night watching TV.

I've told him soo many times that we need to go away together and reconnect and that at most, I feel like we're best friends and roommates. He just laughs and says that's not true.... that's it. He doesn't act any different or put in any effort to change it. I tell him we need to work on our intimacy and cuddle or hold hands or kiss ...ANYTHING! We kiss about once a day and that's when we get home from work. He doesn't act any different but just laughs it off and says "that's not true". I just don't get it. I've thought that he MUST have someone on the side b/c seriously, what guy doesn't ever want sex but he's alwasy with me when he's not working so I don't know. I just don't know what to do... I'm so bored in this relationship and have needs that need to be met that aren't. I mean we have a blast hanging out but the intimate side SUCKS... and it's gone on for so long that he really just feels like my "friend" now and that's all. Any suggestions? Advice? Flames? Ha.

noah-bear · October 2009

..............................................................

julia0402 · October 2009

I will give you my advice, but only if you tell me who you really are.

CandKmomma · October 2009

Is this your first post? I have never seen "1" before. Welcome.

Garnetbaby09 · October 2009

julia0402:
I will give you my advice, but only if you tell me who you really are.

My thoughts exaaaaactly.

TheFannins729 · October 2009

Garnetbaby09:
julia0402:
I will give you my advice, but only if you tell me who you really are.

My thoughts exaaaaactly.

me three

tarebear9891 · October 2009

It's obvious you are using an AE, and I can understand why. This kind of stuff is hard to admit. My advice would be to sit him down and have a serious conversation with him, so he can't just blow you off. Tell him in order for both of you to be happy, some things need to change. Ask him if there is a reason he doesn't want to be intimate anymore, who knows maybe he is feeling self conscious about something. Communication is always key.

Amarie13 · October 2009

tarebear9891:
It's obvious you are using an AE, and I can understand why. This kind of stuff is hard to admit. My advice would be to sit him down and have a serious conversation with him, so he can't just blow you off. Tell him in order for both of you to be happy, some things need to change. Ask him if there is a reason he doesn't want to be intimate anymore, who knows maybe he is feeling self conscious about something. Communication is always key.

I agree with this. I am sorry you are going through this and I hope that you can find a way to bring that romance back. GL.

ItsJustMeLove · October 2009

Sorry...meant to put that in my post. I'm not a regular poster. You probably wouldn't even recognize the sn I usually post under. I just made this one b/c I do have some ladies on here that I do playdates with and obviously, didn't want them to know what was going on. I didn't create this to be rude or snarky, just wanted to remain anonymous in case that small group I do know IRL sees this.

julia0402 · October 2009

You are so nice, tarebear.

I agree with her... you need to have better communication. Can someone take LO for the evening so you can go out to dinner and focus entirely on the conversation?

JLW10 · October 2009

tarebear9891:
It's obvious you are using an AE, and I can understand why. This kind of stuff is hard to admit. My advice would be to sit him down and have a serious conversation with him, so he can't just blow you off. Tell him in order for both of you to be happy, some things need to change. Ask him if there is a reason he doesn't want to be intimate anymore, who knows maybe he is feeling self conscious about something. Communication is always key.

I agree with this. Talk it out and good luck with everything! I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

PlannedChaos · October 2009

I hate to say it, but it's obvious you still have a connection with your husband from what you wrote. You wouldn't spend that much time together if you didn't. So basically, you're bummed cuz you're not sexing it up.

Is it possible that your DH is having...ahem...issues? You know, with the plumbing? Don't wait for him to reintroduce the flame. Plan a sexy night out together, have dinner, have some wine, and maybe try and have the discussion.

Garnetbaby09 · October 2009

PlannedChaos:

I hate to say it, but it's obvious you still have a connection with your husband from what you wrote. You wouldn't spend that much time together if you didn't. So basically, you're bummed cuz you're not sexing it up.

Is it possible that your DH is having...ahem...issues? You know, with the plumbing? Don't wait for him to reintroduce the flame. Plan a sexy night out together, have dinner, have some wine, and maybe try and have the discussion.

THIS. I like the idea of a sexy night.

ItsJustMeLove · October 2009

PlannedChaos:

I hate to say it, but it's obvious you still have a connection with your husband from what you wrote. You wouldn't spend that much time together if you didn't. So basically, you're bummed cuz you're not sexing it up.

Is it possible that your DH is having...ahem...issues? You know, with the plumbing? Don't wait for him to reintroduce the flame. Plan a sexy night out together, have dinner, have some wine, and maybe try and have the discussion.

lol. Of course I have a connection, obviously I can't keep my hands off the man! It's just not 2 sided. Huh? And I've asked him what can I do or what is wrong and he says everything is fine. And he isn't having issues. I guess I'm wrong for expecting sex more than once a month (and I'm not exaggerating that AT ALL). I read how some of your DH's are begging for sexy time and I'm so jealous. And it's not just sex I need... I just want some passion whether we just lay in bed and cuddle or kiss or ANYTHING.

tarebear9891 · October 2009

ItsJustMeLove:
PlannedChaos:

I hate to say it, but it's obvious you still have a connection with your husband from what you wrote. You wouldn't spend that much time together if you didn't. So basically, you're bummed cuz you're not sexing it up.
Is it possible that your DH is having...ahem...issues? You know, with the plumbing? Don't wait for him to reintroduce the flame. Plan a sexy night out together, have dinner, have some wine, and maybe try and have the discussion.
lol. Of course I have a connection, obviously I can't keep my hands off the man! It's just not 2 sided. And I've asked him what can I do or what is wrong and he says everything is fine. And he isn't having issues. I guess I'm wrong for expecting sex more than once a month (and I'm not exaggerating that AT ALL). I read how some of your DH's are begging for sexy time and I'm so jealous. And it's not just sex I need... I just want some passion whether we just lay in bed and cuddle or kiss or ANYTHING.

I also think it is really important you ask him why having se is like pulling teeth. I feel that if you were to try and just have sex and he turned you down, your feelings would be really hurt. Good luck!

PlannedChaos · October 2009

ItsJustMeLove:
PlannedChaos:

I hate to say it, but it's obvious you still have a connection with your husband from what you wrote. You wouldn't spend that much time together if you didn't. So basically, you're bummed cuz you're not sexing it up.

Is it possible that your DH is having...ahem...issues? You know, with the plumbing? Don't wait for him to reintroduce the flame. Plan a sexy night out together, have dinner, have some wine, and maybe try and have the discussion.

lol. Of course I have a connection, obviously I can't keep my hands off the man! It's just not 2 sided. And I've asked him what can I do or what is wrong and he says everything is fine. And he isn't having issues. I guess I'm wrong for expecting sex more than once a month (and I'm not exaggerating that AT ALL). I read how some of your DH's are begging for sexy time and I'm so jealous. And it's not just sex I need... I just want some passion whether we just lay in bed and cuddle or kiss or ANYTHING.

I have a hard time believing it's one sided if he's not trying to find things to do away from you. He obviously WANTS to be around you. It's not impossible that his libido is just low. It happens.

Either that or he's spanking the monkey and handling it on his own, because there IS something that he doesn't feel comfortable with.

MEJ2008 · October 2009

Time away to recconnect can do wonders. It's so easy to get caught up in the every day mundane details, especially with children. You don't even need to call a reason for it if you think he will get defensive.

ItsJustMeLove · October 2009

tarebear9891:
ItsJustMeLove:
PlannedChaos:

I hate to say it, but it's obvious you still have a connection with your husband from what you wrote. You wouldn't spend that much time together if you didn't. So basically, you're bummed cuz you're not sexing it up.

Is it possible that your DH is having...ahem...issues? You know, with the plumbing? Don't wait for him to reintroduce the flame. Plan a sexy night out together, have dinner, have some wine, and maybe try and have the discussion.

lol. Of course I have a connection, obviously I can't keep my hands off the man! It's just not 2 sided. And I've asked him what can I do or what is wrong and he says everything is fine. And he isn't having issues. I guess I'm wrong for expecting sex more than once a month (and I'm not exaggerating that AT ALL). I read how some of your DH's are begging for sexy time and I'm so jealous. And it's not just sex I need... I just want some passion whether we just lay in bed and cuddle or kiss or ANYTHING.

I also think it is really important you ask him why having se is like pulling teeth. I feel that if you were to try and just have sex and he turned you down, your feelings would be really hurt. Good luck!

Um yeah... definite blow to your self esteem and this has been going on for months so you can imagine how I feel like crap.... especially b/c it's never been like this. And it's not like DS is putting stress on our relationship or we fight a lot, it's nothing like that. Like I said, everything is fun and good except for the passion side of things and the lack of that just bums me out.

ItsJustMeLove · October 2009

PlannedChaos:
ItsJustMeLove:
PlannedChaos:

I hate to say it, but it's obvious you still have a connection with your husband from what you wrote. You wouldn't spend that much time together if you didn't. So basically, you're bummed cuz you're not sexing it up.

Is it possible that your DH is having...ahem...issues? You know, with the plumbing? Don't wait for him to reintroduce the flame. Plan a sexy night out together, have dinner, have some wine, and maybe try and have the discussion.

lol. Of course I have a connection, obviously I can't keep my hands off the man! It's just not 2 sided. And I've asked him what can I do or what is wrong and he says everything is fine. And he isn't having issues. I guess I'm wrong for expecting sex more than once a month (and I'm not exaggerating that AT ALL). I read how some of your DH's are begging for sexy time and I'm so jealous. And it's not just sex I need... I just want some passion whether we just lay in bed and cuddle or kiss or ANYTHING.

I have a hard time believing it's one sided if he's not trying to find things to do away from you. He obviously WANTS to be around you. It's not impossible that his libido is just low. It happens.

Either that or he's spanking the monkey and handling it on his own, because there IS something that he doesn't feel comfortable with.

I meant the lust (is that the right word?) part of it seems one sided. I just don't feel like he wants me in the sexy way .... at all!

PlannedChaos · October 2009

ItsJustMeLove:
PlannedChaos:
ItsJustMeLove:
PlannedChaos:

I hate to say it, but it's obvious you still have a connection with your husband from what you wrote. You wouldn't spend that much time together if you didn't. So basically, you're bummed cuz you're not sexing it up.

Is it possible that your DH is having...ahem...issues? You know, with the plumbing? Don't wait for him to reintroduce the flame. Plan a sexy night out together, have dinner, have some wine, and maybe try and have the discussion.

lol. Of course I have a connection, obviously I can't keep my hands off the man! It's just not 2 sided. And I've asked him what can I do or what is wrong and he says everything is fine. And he isn't having issues. I guess I'm wrong for expecting sex more than once a month (and I'm not exaggerating that AT ALL). I read how some of your DH's are begging for sexy time and I'm so jealous. And it's not just sex I need... I just want some passion whether we just lay in bed and cuddle or kiss or ANYTHING.

I have a hard time believing it's one sided if he's not trying to find things to do away from you. He obviously WANTS to be around you. It's not impossible that his libido is just low. It happens.

Either that or he's spanking the monkey and handling it on his own, because there IS something that he doesn't feel comfortable with.

I meant the lust (is that the right word?) part of it seems one sided. I just don't feel like he wants me in the sexy way .... at all!

How long have you been together? It could be that he's not feeling so hot about himself, and that's putting a damper on his hormones?

pete0121 · October 2009

I agree that you should try to plan a night for the two of you on your own. Do you have parents that can watch LO over night so that the two of you can go out and have a nice dinner and whatever, maybe a conversation about the problem, and not have to come home and take care of getting your LO to sleep. Just having 24 hours alone might help. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. GL.

VinBert · October 2009

He probably feels there is something missing from the relationship and so he doesn't feel ready or in the mood for sex. Good luck, I know someone going through this exactly, but she is your DH in the scenario.

ItsJustMeLove · October 2009

We've been together a little over 5 years - married for 2.5 years. I guess he could be having issues with himself but he's never complained or mention anything and I don't know why it would just suddenly come up. I'll try to plan my own thing for us and see what happens from there. Hopefully it helps.

ridesbuttons · October 2009

ItsJustMeLove:
We've been together a little over 5 years - married for 2.5 years. I guess he could be having issues with himself but he's never complained or mention anything and I don't know why it would just suddenly come up. I'll try to plan my own thing for us and see what happens from there. Hopefully it helps.

I seriously would try and discuss the situation when the possibility of sex is nil. Like while taking a walk in a park. Take the pressure out of scene. Lighting a bunch of candles and calling him with a come hither is setting yourself up for failure - I guarantee it.

How suddenly has it come up? How old is your LO?

Don't expect things to change overnight. And be prepared to be disappointed - in the short term at least.

I hope you find a way to work it all out.

PlannedChaos · October 2009

That's about the same amount of time Dh and I have been together. Yeah...I'm gonna say your DH is having some issues he is either embarassed or uncomfortable talking about - either with himself, or...the plumbing...or could even be stress. Just make sure when you have this talk it's a safe talk - no condemning, no making him feel bad, just a safe talk.

buckeyethor · October 2009

OP could have been written by my husband, i swear. poor guy ain't getting any at all. on my end, i feel ugly and fat and don't feel sexy. maybe he feels fat or having some issues with confidence. i dunno.

ItsJustMeLove · October 2009

ridesbuttons:

ItsJustMeLove:
We've been together a little over 5 years - married for 2.5 years. I guess he could be having issues with himself but he's never complained or mention anything and I don't know why it would just suddenly come up. I'll try to plan my own thing for us and see what happens from there. Hopefully it helps.

I seriously would try and discuss the situation when the possibility of sex is nil. Like while taking a walk in a park. Take the pressure out of scene. Lighting a bunch of candles and calling him with a come hither is setting yourself up for failure - I guarantee it.

How suddenly has it come up? How old is your LO?

Don't expect things to change overnight. And be prepared to be disappointed - in the short term at least.

I hope you find a way to work it all out.

DS will be 1 next month. I've just really noticed after DS was born. I don't know what has changed... well besides having DS here now. Smile I work full time, come home and feed, bathe, and put DS to bed at 7 so we have the whole night and nothing and I do the majority of everything for DS so what can DH really be tired from besides work? I am more than willing to make time for it and I expect the same from him. I don't expect a change over night since I've told him so many times how I feel and nothing changes soo... we'll see.

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