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Preemies
lmurphy0822
member
family vs. nurses
lmurphy0822
member
in Preemies
SO my fiance and almost my whole family are telling me that the nurses should stop force feeding the baby. She has a feeding tube and the use it with every other feed and what is left in the bottles that she doesn't take. Everyone seems to think that She'll eat when she gets hungry and that newborns aren't supposed to be on a schedule anyways. In the past two days my baby has gained 8oz and I'm starting to think that maybe they are feeding her to much. I know this is there job and I shouldn't be questioning them but my family is starting to make me think. What do you guys think I should do, talk to the nurses about not using the feeding tube or just let them keep doing there job?
P.S. my fiance if the baby isn't out by Sunday he's going to flip out on the nurses. He wants her home now.
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Re: family vs. nurses
What gestational age was she born at? I highly recommend you do some reading on prematurity - your baby isn't like other newborns and they NICU wouldn't be keeping her there or feeding her via a feeding tube if it wasn't necessary. I'm not sure what your circumstances are, but you, your fiance and your family need to take the complications of prematurity seriously. you can't just "flip out" on the nurses b/c you want the baby home. You can't just decide the baby will eat when she's hungry - clearly she hasn't fully developed the suck/swallow/breathe reflex yet if they're tube feeding her.
There's 2 great books "Preemies: The Essential Guide for Parents of Premature Babies" and the Dr. Sears Preemies book - I recommend reading those.
She was born at 33wks and 6 days. I get that they are keeping her there for her well being but its aggravating because she can take full bottles. I've seen her do it but apparently they don't think she can do it on her own. I believe my fiance is just saying that because he wants her home but when it comes down to it we aren't the type to actually yell at people who are helping us and our daughter. It's just so hard not having her home with us. Another thing that gets us a little up set is that one nurse tells us one thing and the next nurse does something esle. It's like the have no communication there. Sorry I'm dumping this all on you.
I know it is frustrating. I remember waiting for DS to learn bottles, it seemed like he was never going to get it and DH was getting so frustrated waiting for him to come home.
Really if you want to talk to someone the doctor would be the best because the nurses just follow doctors orders. Preemies are different from newborns and need to eat more often because they are smaller. There is a certain amount of ounces they should eat each day based on their weight and alot of times they aren't mature enough to know when they need to eat.
I think that if you are uncomfortable with the amount she is being fed you should ask to talk to the doc and have them explain the plan, it is important to know what is going on with your baby. However, do not let friends and family convince you that they know best for a preemie. This may be the first of many things that you have to put your foot down and tell them that preemies are different than full term babies and have different needs.
I know how hard and frustrating that can be. Here are my two suggestions:
1) Request a "care conference" or at least a meeting with the NICU doctor. Ask them how they feel your daugther is doing with feedings. How is she doing with everything else? What does she need to do to come home? What are they doing to help get her to that point?
2) Can you be there for most of the feedings (esp. during the day)? If you can, I would suggest that you be there so that you can feed her. See how she does with a bottle at each feeding (many preemies can do really well at one feeding and then be so tired for the next one they just can't finish it). This will give you a better idea of how she is truly doing with feedings.
I second the pp, preemies are COMPLETELY different than full term babies. Even when they are breathing on their own they have to work extra hard to keep thier saturations up, temperature normal, etc so they need extra calories just to maintain and then gain weight.
Wow, this sounds exactly like what happened with my dh and I when ds was in the nicu. We were getting so sad and frustrated when his feeding tube was in, and he was taking some full bottles. I agree with everyone else though. If you're really concerned please talk to the doctor, don't depend on your family to tell you what's best for your preemie, because preemies are so different. The nicu just wants to make sure your baby is eating well when she goes home. Do you really want to get home, and then find she's losing weight or you're feeding her every hour because she's not eating enough and gets tired.
Trust me, I know your pain. My ds was born at 33 weeks 2 days. He is now 4 months, and eats 4-6 oz each feeding. Your baby will get it, you just need to be patient. And try to keep your own records as far as feeding goes, just go show the doctor that you're paying attention to what goes on with the nurses. They are there to help your baby, not hurt her.
I definitely agree with all the PPs. Your baby, while definitely a "new born baby", is not the same as a newborn. While it would be nice for her to just "eat when she is hungry," it doesn't work that way with a preemie. Since she still has her feeding tube, I get the feeling she hasn't gotten the "suck, swallow, breathe" thing fully together. As much as it sucks and you just want her home with you now, she is far better off in the NICU than at home. It would be awful for you to demand her home and then find out she isn't thriving at home and be readmitted.
The nurses and doctors will send her home when she is ready. And I am certain you don't want her home until then, for her own good. And it may be a matter of a few days before that lightbulb clicks on for the "suck swallow breathe." When it happens, it is amazing.
I hope things get better for you soon. We all know how hard that whole experience is, but it will get better!
Ditto the others - preemies are NOT the same as full term newborns. My 32wkr spent a full extra week in the NICU because of eating. He could finish a bottle here and there but he couldn't take the full bottle every 3hrs because he was tired and just physically couldn't do it. It's not forced feeding because they calculate the exact number of ounces a baby needs based on weight and the fact that you need them to be gaining weight. Preemies also don't know when they're hungry which is why a lot of the time, even after they're home, you have to wake them up to feed them.
She'll be discharged when she's ready, promise. Just try to focus on the fact that she's not a regular newborn so anything your family knows about babies that's based that can go right out the window.
I agree with the pp's that preemies are not the same as newborns. My son born at 34 weeks 4 days the only thing he had to do to get home was learn to eat a certain amount from a bottle. I thought it would never happen, and I also remember getting annoyed that the nurses would do the lavage for the final cc's and I would be so sad. However they explained if he was eating for a longer amount of time past 20 mins (I think) then he was burning calories and not getting them, so he had to eat a certain amount in a certain amount of time. They said that most babies usually learn this between 34-36 weeks, and he was sent home at 35 weeks 6 days. It just clicked with him all of a sudden, and he got it.
I know it is SO hard to not have baby home, but really you have to trust the people who do this all the time with lots of preemies. These days seem like they take forever, but they go by fast.