I just need to say this "out loud"

joyfulnature · October 2009

Hi, all.

I'm having a bad day today, and I just need to affirm this to the universe:

1.) It WOULD NOT have been better for DH and I to start TTC earlier. While it sometimes strongly seems that way, in hindsight, now, we really needed to be certain this was what we wanted before starting. Even if we do not end up having a bio child, this is still better than risking a pregnancy when both parents weren't 100 percent certain, as this would have not been fair to the child. We will have a child, one way or another, and that child will be blessed with two parents who are totally ready to be parents.

2.) It was smart to give ourselves "alone time" as newlyweds, particularly since we did the warp-speed courtship/engagement/marriage thing. Future child will benefit from having parents with a strong bond.

3.) Unfortunately, people of all ages have miscarriages. Mine was not necessarily an age thing.

4.) Fortunately, people of all ages go on to have healthy babies after going through a miscarriage.

MDBeachbride · October 2009

I had a m/c before DS. It is possible. Keep your chin up. I know it's very hard. ((hugs))

Lucky&Lola · October 2009

There is a lot of power is saying things "out loud". They tend to lose their hold on you after that. I hope this is the case with you, as everything you said is very true! Our time will come, we just have to believe!

ccbanana · October 2009

Well said! I think it's so important to be at peace with our decisions. 2 thumbs up!

ToshaGirl · October 2009

Ditto ditto DITTO DITTO!

(((hugs))))

sadie sadie · October 2009

Sing it sista.

NowDNAtoo · October 2009

I think your thinking is very positive and well said. I think it is important for both parties involved to be at the same place when it comes to having children. It's very stressful dealing with newborns and children and if you have a strong bond between the parents it just makes it that much easier to deal with the stress. Also, when it comes to m/cs age isn't necessarily the factor that causes it. All of mine weren't age related and we have one very healthy rambunctious 1 year old after all!

novanuptials · October 2009

hang in there joyful! shout out these things! cast out the negativity! let us shout with you! everybody scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's good for you!!!!!!

ok, i'll stop screaming. now i'll give you a virtual hug and leave you with some wisdom from my "back-up" husband, bono: "it's just a moment, this time will pass..."

BirdieBrd · October 2009

Yes

I find when I say things 'out loud' it helps me find peace with whatever is troubling me, especially in regards to this subject. I hope it helps you too.

Also, this is a great place to say things 'out loud'.

joyfulnature · October 2009

Thank you so much, girls. I really needed to put this out there today.

Even when I'm blue, you girls make me feel so much better - and even manage to make me giggle. "Back up husband" ha!!

Thank you for your hugs, thoughts, prayers, advice, good examples of successful pregnancy, and screams!

L2theC42 · October 2009

we hear you.

and I agree.

Good for you for knowing what's right for you & DH!

Amy&Steve0421 · October 2009

(((Hugs)))

You made the right decisions. And as my DH likes to say, "If you spend all of your time looking at where you have been, you won't be able to see where you can go." No - he's not normally that deep. Normally he is composing songs about litter box duty, but once in a while he surprises me...

FlgBride · October 2009

CathyMD:
Ditto ditto DITTO DITTO!
(((hugs))))

This exactly. And, stay strong and positive!

JillAly · October 2009

The divorce rate in this country is 50% and you chose to spend time building a bond with your dh? You waited to find the right man instead of getting married at 21 just to have a poofy wedding dress and 29 bridesmaids? Geez...what were you thinking? Any child you have- biological or not- will be so lucky to have you as a parent for having such a good head on your shoulders! And I've had a lot of friends in their 30's and 40's have healthy babies after miscarriages. You keep your head up high!

baze2 · October 2009

I agree 110% with everything you said out loud. Some times it just helps me to say them over an over...

We are all behind you...and beside you standing saying these things out loud.

Strunella · October 2009

Good for you, Joyful! Everything you said is absolutely true! It's great to get it out there and focus on that positive thinking. It's funny---my RE said not to even give my m/c a second thought because it's so common. And I really don't. (Well, I think about it, but I don't blame myself.)

I remember telling one of my friends that if she really wanted to be a mother, she would be a mother, even if it was not in the way she initially thought. And now I remind myself of the same advice.

hollymichael · October 2009

I'm a little late to this post. I just want to give you a virtual <<Hug>>. I hope you are feeling a little better.

LizzyB11 · October 2009

I agree with you on all of your points! Well said! I really have to put a lot of faith into #3 and #4 right now. Hope has to be more prominent than the sad times!

DinaLINY · October 2009

you are a very wise woman!

MrsKario · October 2009

Im sorry that you had a tough day.

I read and re-read what you wrote and I think you are 100% right! You did the best thing by not TTC right away. This is going to work out for you and your DH! Your future baby is going to be so blessed to have such wonderful loving parents.

I am so sorry about your M/C. I know how bad it hurts

Babsie7 · October 2009

I completely agree with your 4 affirmations. I think it's easy to think things like; "if only I'd started earlier..." (I know I've thought this before) but it does no good. You're so right in saying that you would've missed out on many experiences as newlyweds and things that make you the couple you are today.

{hugs} to you!

joyfulnature · October 2009

JillAly:
The divorce rate in this country is 50% and you chose to spend time building a bond with your dh? You waited to find the right man instead of getting married at 21 just to have a poofy wedding dress and 29 bridesmaids? Geez...what were you thinking? Any child you have- biological or not- will be so lucky to have you as a parent for having such a good head on your shoulders! And I've had a lot of friends in their 30's and 40's have healthy babies after miscarriages. You keep your head up high!

This made me cry. Thank you, Jill.

joyfulnature · October 2009

Oh my gosh, you are all making me cry!

Thank you, again, for your kindness and support.

saverchic · October 2009

Yeah, girl!!! You're absolutely right about all four points.

itsmexine · October 2009

Joyful you are so so so right on the money. You are one very fabulous lady that is very wise. (((hugs)))

DMD1029 · October 2009

Amen sistah! We're all behind you ready to support you!

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