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1st Trimester
Ladies - I desperately need some advise!
So here's the situation. I have a friend who is also my next door neighbor, who has been TTC for at least a year unsuccessfully. When DH and I told her and her husband I was expecting she immediately turned very cold and wouldn't speak to us. Then several weeks later she brought over a very nice baby gift and said she was sorry and just jealous because we had gotten pregnant so easily. I took that to mean that everything was ok and we'd all just move on.
However, last night they invited us over for game night, which was the first time we'd done anything together in weeks. Over the course of the evening she was incrediably rude to me, barely spoke to me at all and has never, once asked me how I'm doing (which I can get over). What really took the cake was when one of her friends inquired as to how I was feeling, I answered honestly, that I had been really sick and rather misarable, to which my "friend" huffed and rolled her eyes. Her husband even made the comment to me not to let the wife hear me complaining about being sick.
I was really hurt by her attitude towards me, and am wondering how I should handle this. I am very sympathic to her situation, but I refuse to pretend that I'm not pregnant and not excited about it. I'm inclined to avoid spending anytime with her because I don't think how she's acting is being a very good friend and I'm not interested in any un-needed stress.
Have any of you been in this situation or have any advise on how to handle it?
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Re: Ladies - I desperately need some advise!
If she has been trying for over a year, she is going to be sensitive. Very sensitive. It doesn't give her a right to be rude to you, but she is going through a very hard time in her life...something someone who has not been through Infertility can even begin to understand.
I would try to refrain from talking about how miserable you feel around her just to be a little easy on her. I know you are excited, as you should be. It is a wonderful blessing. But try to remember she is going through a really rough spot in her life.
I agree that you shouldn't have to hide your happiness in your pregnancy. Sometimes, and I admit fully that this is unfair, when you have had trouble concieving or have had losses, the bitterness just becomes bigger than you. I would never have thought I would be in a bitter place about babies and pregnancy, but I really am.
It may be neccessary to keep your distance right now, for your sake and hers. Again, it's not fair. It's just such a hard thing, and when you've had heartache over trying to have a baby, the pain is just overwhelming and it can keep you from being the friend you wish you could be. I would be willing to bet in her heart, she is happy for you and feels terrible about being rude to you. But I also bet it's too hard to be any other way right now. I know that sucks.
If she is a dear friend, maybe you could try talking it over with her. But if she really can't get to a good place with it, you might need to take some time apart.
This.
Have you considered talking to her? I'm assuming that your friend isn't totally stupid, and that she knows exactly what she's doing. I can understand her jealousy, but what I can't understand is how childish and immature she is acting. She had a moment to be a bit on the biitchy side, but that ship has sailed.
GL.
You need to be sympathetic to her situation. I have been in her shoes and it really is a hurtful to hear people complaining about pregnancy symptoms when you wish you could have them and would do anything to feel miserable because you are pregnant.
Pregnant women often get self-absorbed and you don't want to be one of those people. There is no reason you have to talk to her about being pregnant. She is happy for you but that doesn't make things any easier for her. You can be happy and all for yourself yet still respectful to others feelings.
This. Also, you're eight weeks along. How soon did you tell her? I would have waited -- the fact that you told her right away is a bit strange. We haven't told friends yet, and I've managed to keep all my pregnancy talk and complaints about symptoms to myself, my hubs, and my mom. You should try it.
I think it would be a good idea for now to let her lead the friendship. But I would refrain from talking about your pregnancy to her. She is going to be bitter about it, and there is really nothing you can do to change that. If she wants to hang out with you, you can give it another try if you want. But I wouldn't talk about symptoms with her, and definitely not complain about anything in front of her, pregnancy related. She will come to accept it more in her own time but it's still early right now. For now, you should be sensitive to her about it. You have the one thing she probably wants most in life right now.
Hopefully soon she'll get her BFP and get to be happy with you!
My friend had fears of telling me she and her hubby were expecting b/c my DH and I had been trying for so long. She said telling us was one of the hardest days of her life. I didn't react rudely to her face, but there were many nights I cried to my DH because while I was ecstatic for her, we wanted it so bad that it hurt.
As being on the other side of you situation, the best thing my friend did was waited until I asked her how she was doing. She never pushed the pregnancy in my face and only talked about it when I asked. She gave me the time to come to terms with it.
Just know that some of the hardest times are yet to come. I was asked to help with the shower which I gladly did (and wanted to do). But she knew it would be hard for me.
My advice, be patient. She is probably dealing with a lot of emotion and a lot of why not me right now, especially if it was easy for you to get pregnant.
It took my DH and I almost a year to get pregnant. It took one of my friends who is due 4 days before me one cyle to get pregnant. I am escatic we are going through this together. If I wasn't pregnant and found out she was, I would be thrilled for her, but a little bit of me would be sad, hurt and jealous. Be patient with your neighbor. You are blessed you have not experienced months of sadness waiting for this miracle. Let her get through this and come to you. Be sympathetic to her and her husband.