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Christakim
member
My mom just doesn't get it (vent)
Christakim
member
She called me today and I was crying. What's new, I'm on Clomid. I told her everything that's going on in my life and how today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day and how I'm lighting a candle tonight to remember and she said "are you kidding? Why is there a day for that?" Then she got silent like it was awkward.
I was shocked. I had to get off the phone quick before I said something I was going to regret. Up to this point, my mom has been somewhat understanding and by my side. As much as she can be because she just doesn't quite understand. 6 kids in 6 tries and no losses in there somehow. Growing up I wasn't encouraged to express my feelings and it's all catching up to me. Ella will grow up knowing that you shouldn't feel uncomfortable with any feeling that you have. I'm just glad I have DH and friends (including you guys) to share these feelings with.
Between my mom saying what she did today and my MIL saying my D&E was a type of an abortion (I wrote about this in another post a couple of months back), it makes me sick to my stomach. I can't take the ignorance anymore. I think I'm more angry than anything. My heart goes out to all of you who have had to do this over and over. Or even once. The point of this post wasn't to bash my mom, sometimes she doesn't think before she speaks and is sort of ignorant in her own way. I just needed to vent to people who understand what I and so many others on this board have experienced.
Ella- 8/22/08, Jules and Tuck- 12/15/10
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Re: My mom just doesn't get it (vent)
(((hugs))) Sometimes moms suck... mine does plenty...
I already lit my candles tonight.
more ((((hugs))))
Hannah
People can be so shockingly insenstive about these painful things, but the fact that it is your mom and MIL makes it so much worse. We definitely understand how you feel. I'm sorry for your loss and i think it's really good that you're trying to work through your feelings and grief now. It's important to remember on days like today. I hope that somehow your mom and MIL can come around.
IVF#1 gave us a BFP on 8/24/09, DD born May 2010
Surprise, natural BFP July 2012 ended in miscarriage 9/4/12 at 10w4d
FET#1 January 2013
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) Our first love and loss 7/2/07
3 cycles clomid TI = BFNs
3 cycles clomid Ovidrel IUI = BFNs
6/27/08 Surprise BFP = chemical pg
IVF#1 July 08 BFP @7dp3dt
TTC #3 since February 2010
FET Sept. and Oct. 2010=BFN's
IVF#2 June 2011=BFP
I actually got on here to vent about the same thing. Sure we're not twins?
My mom reads my blog 10 times a day. stalker. And not one damn word today. Not one. Nothing. And she even called to touch base about babysitting tomorrow, so she could have said something....anything... then.
Although it stings, this is nothing new. My mom complains all the time that we're not BFF's, yet has no effing clue how to even begin to be one. I can shrug it off and say "her loss" but it still hurts. You'd think the one person to give a shoulder, "hallmark holiday" or not, would be mom.
Not in my life.
Thank goodness for good friends and family.
Thinking of you Christa, and the rest of us... I feel as raw as the day(s) it happened.
I'm really sorry Christa (both for the fact that you are grieving, as well as how the women in your life have treated you).
I'd like to think that what your mom meant to say was that she couldn't understand why someone would want to commemorate a day to such a painful experience and re-live it, in addition to remembering each year the day they lost their child. Again, I'd like to think that's what she meant, but you're probably right -- she just didn't get it.
Photo by Zemya Photography
I can see some members of my family reacting the same way. I think some of it is a generational thing. Life is hard, don't dwell, pick up and move on and pull yourself up by your bootstraps....etc.
Not that that's the way to go, but maybe that's in part where she is coming from.
huh? Are you speechless?