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Working Moms
WWYD? MIL
I've been back to work for 5 months. MIL watches them every other friday. So far she's had, what? 10 Fridays. She's only watched them 5 of them because the other one's she's either been sick or had something else going on (going on vaca, watching SIL's kid, etc).
My mom watches them Mon-Thurs and I do the the other Friday opposite MIL. I am sick of her cancelling on us. Everytime we've had to take a day off of work. Keep in mind I have no leave accrued because of my maternity leave. I only agreed to put her on the schedule because she is always gushing about getting to spend time with them when she does her Friday. I also went into this saying that if it doesn't work out then we're going to have to do something else.
So tomorrow was the last straw in my book. She cancelled again. I tried to discuss with DH having her not do the Friday because it's too hit or miss. He got all mad and said I was being mean and keeping her from seeing them. I can't see where he's being so defensive about this. We're running through all of our time off because of her and I don't see this getting better when snow/winter comes. How the heck can I fix this?
btw - in January they will go into daycare 2 days a week and then my mom could watch them the other 3 days. We really don't need her. DH still wants her to do one day. Heck, he even wants her to do it every Friday. arrrghhh
Don't get me wrong, I really like my MIL. She means well but I knew that this would be a problem.
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Re: WWYD? MIL
make DH take the time off and deal with this situation.
I would actually stop taking the messages from MIL about not being able watch DD, and say something like, "you need to call your son. He has agreed to take the time off when you can't make it." If he can't take the time, then he needs to explain to his mom why this is such a big deal.
I have been making him take the time off (he's went through the equivalent of a week of time off for her). Tomorrow he has a big meeting so we're doing half a day each. He still isn't fed up with it. I guess he needs to totally run out of leave before he gets it.
I refuse to talk to her on the phone about it and just don't answer my cell phone when it's near her Friday.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
I am all for working together to solve whatever problems come up with childcare issues or anything else. I don't usually think it's a good idea for one partner to go on "strike" even when the other person is sort of creating the situation. BUT, this is clearly not working, and you have suggested that you find another arrangement. Since he won't agree to another arrangement, I don't think there's anything wrong with him being the one to take *all* of the time off necessary when she cancels again.
But you know you are both going to suffer for it in the long run. I would try to talk to him again and talk about the long-term problems this is going to create. At some point, you'll both be out of leave, and what do you do then? Your bosses wil not be happy when you are taking unallowed time off because of a child care situation you know full well is not working. And, if DH insists on doing this and he takes all his allotted time now, down the road, you aren't going to be able to do some things you otherwise would -- an extra day at the holidays, a long weekend together when you need some couple time.
Good luck.
I deal with a very similar issue with DD and MIL - DH wants things to be "fair" but at the same time, I don't need to compromise for the care of my DD!
I use this example - treat them like you would a paid care provider. If they do something that you wouldn't tollerate with a check exchanging hands every week, then that's that. You shouldn't compromise standards and comfort for free services.
yeah- your DH needs to realize you aren't keeping her from seeing DS, SHE is the one saying "I'm too busy".
However, have you actually said something to MIL? Like "MIL- We love that you watch DS for us. However, we have to have reliable, consistent coverage. Dh and I are going through all of our vacation leave in order to cover the Fridays you cancel on us. We can't keep doing this. If you aren't going to be able to cover the Fridays all the time, we're going to have to find other arrangements."
Getting that wake up call MIGHT just make her realize that she needs to step it up. As long as your just taking the time off and not really addressing it w/ her- she might not realize what a big deal it is (and seriously- if she's retired, it's amazing how people who have all the free time in the world forget what the working world is like. That you don't ahve unlimited time off!!)
So- my suggestion is to talk to her first about this and give her a chance to shape up.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
So Dh has a big meeting tomorrow and you are bailing him out by taking off a half day because HIS mother canceled....again. Don't take off work. Or tell him this is the last time you take off work because HIS mother canceled.
I think you should definatly talk things over with him. My DH also worries about his family not getting enough time (with our future kids). I agree that you should talk to your MIL, maybe she will shape up. Maybe put her on a probation -- getting someone else to take of your child for a few weeks -- maybe it will shock her into shape too. Is there anyone else that could take your child when she cancel's?
GL!