Do you like being a SHAM??

NewMommy423 · October 2009

We're expecting in early May and intending on me staying home with our new one. This has always been our intention, but because of the economy my husband isn't making as much as he used to. It's enough to live and keep a savings, but not what we're accustomed to. I'd like to know your thoughts.

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working?

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH?

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children?

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home?

Thanks in advance!!

taylormillgirl · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? Yes.

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? No, and n/a.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children? Not sure what you mean by this. My oldest was in day care (fortunately a great one). I have my own negative memories from day care, so I project that, and I hated to leave her.

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home? I told DH that I didn't want to have more children if I was going to have to spend all day at work missing them like crazy. Then there's all the sleep-deprivation, rushing around to get everything done, and the general stress of trying to juggle it all.

drunkenwife · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? No

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? No and no. While I will be getting a job upon graduation, it is not purely for financial reasons. I'm getting a job because I like to work and yes, selfishly, I do like money I'm a much happier person when I'm not at home all day with the kid.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children? I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that. I've been taking my kid to daycare for a month now so that I can complete my internship, and if anything she's happier than she was when she was at home all day. She's always doing crafts and she's more eager to play games and sing. It was tough for her the first couple of weeks, but she loves it now!

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home? I wanted to get my masters degree so I was a SAHW/Student, and that evolved into SAHM. Once I (hopefully) graduate in December I'll be able to find a job and get back out in the workforce.

Jerseygirl16 · October 2009

It's SAHM not SHAM... lol. I thought this was going to be a different type of post.

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? Yes.

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? No because we downsized our living arrangements. Could we have a bigger house and do more with both working? Sure, but to us it's worth the tradeoff and that stuff can wait. No strain at all.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children? No.

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home? I loved my job and always figured I'd be a working mom. But, then I got pregnant and realized that I would feel like I was missing out on too much putting her into daycare. DH felt the same so we made the necessary changes.

hayleydeee · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? Yes, but I have never had a job I loved. There were a few that I didn't "not" like, but I didn't really look forward to work. Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? It is, but no I don't feel like that's put a strain on us. This is a team effort, and we make it work. Have you personally seen the effects of day care children? I don't know any babes who are in full time day care right now. I do know one who goes to Montessori part time and she is thriving. But, having been an elementary school teacher I have seen how drastically parent involvement (or lack there of) can influence a child. That's not to say that parents with a kid in day care are any less involved of course. But, I'd say that if you do go the daycare route, chose wisely and be sure to stay very involved and very aware of what you child's day is like. Connection is the key. That being said, I did notice that the majority of my most well adjusted, motivated and genuine students were the ones who spent the majority of their time with a relative. It didn't necessarily have to be a stay at home parent, or even the same person all of the time. A lot of kids were cared for by a grandparent, an aunt or an uncle. How/why did you come to the decision to stay home? I've always wanted to be able to stay home with my kids, to keep house and so on. Plus when we did the math we realized that we would have pretty much broken even with the cost of daycare, eating out and so on (we were always too tired after work to do much else, let alone cook and clean). Plus, while I loved my students very much, I was ready to spend time with my own child. I wanted to watch her learn and grow. It just felt weird to pay someone else to do that so that I could go and do the same thing with other people's kids.

laura&bobv · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? Yes, most of the time. DD is still very young so some days are rough.

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? No, we are very aware of our money situations. However, now that I am home I do try to do what I can to keep costs down.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children? No.

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home? I have my teaching degree, and had a job as an assistant for three years at a school. I got passed up for a teaching position where I was working so we decided it would be a good time to have a baby. Financially it didn't make sense for me to go back to work as an assistant. The money didn't pay for child care. If I was teaching full-time we probably would have had to think about it more. I am very glad that I am home with DD I don't miss anything.

soontobemrs.S · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working?

Absolutely! It was tough for the first 6 months or so but it's the best job I've ever had, albeit exhausting

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH?

We make do. The cost of daycare just doesn't make it worth it to us. No strain on the relationship thus far because this was a mutual decision.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children?

I have. But as is true with anything, there are good and bad to both sides. I think you have to do what's best for you and will make you a better parent. For some people, they just can't stay home.

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home?

I personally feel it's best when possible for a child to be home with a parent. Dd gets the personal time and attention she needs right now with the consistency and routine that is best for her. I expose her to things I want her exposed to. I take her to the library, play groups etc. I'm able to cook a home cooked meal every night and provide for her a solid home base. Not to say that some working parents wouldn't do all that and maybe more but working 50 hours a week plus commuting 2 hours a day wasn't for me. I didn't want to only see my child for a few hours a day and have most of those hours being spent on the road just so we could afford to buy her nice things or take her on fancier vacations. I just didn't want to miss a thing because it truly does go by so fast. Both dh and I are extremely happy with our situation and the kind of person she is becoming and while I don't claim to be mom of the year, we think her being home with me is definitely a huge benefit.

citygirl_ · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? Absolutely, 1000000%Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? Eh, it's a little tighter than things were when I worked and we have to watch how often we go out to eat and buy clothes but not "tough." No strain on our relationship - we're actually far happier now!Have you personally seen the effects of day care children? What do you mean? I don't think there are any "effects" of DC kids?How/why did you come to the decision to stay home? After I gave birth, I couldn't stand the thought of leaving him. I really enjoy being a homemaker, too, and taking care of home as well as our son. It's a wonderful job!

mandymack · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working?

Absolutely!!! I'm truly challenged, fulfilled and feel accomplished at the end of every "work day" because I make the most out of every day. I have always said that you are only going to GET out what you PUT in.

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH?

We are so fortunate, my decision to SAH full-time was never based on finances. It's a personal choice and we have a great lifestyle that we BOTH enjoy, regardless of me not being employed.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children?

Emily has never been to daycare nor have I ever worked in one so I have no clue how to answer this question...

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home?

I was feeling unfufilled, unhappy, unappreciated & felt very little challenge & reward in my 4-year career as a Public Accountant when I found out I was pregnant. Because my DH could support us with me NOT being employed, it was an easy decision for me to quit during my 1st trimester and use the pregnancy to focus on what I wanted out of my career and possible choose something else. Once Emily was born, I naturally, easily & very happily fell into the role of a Home-maker/SAHM and it's been nearly 4 years! I love it and we are all happy with this arrangement. YES - some days are rough, boring, monotonous, but I have never once thought returning to work was the answer. Instead, I do my best to figure out WHAT is making my days rough, boring, monotonous and I change things myself.

jerseycaptive · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working?

My answer is hybrid because I work from home and I go into work 1x / week. I do stay home the other 6 days (yes, FT mommy) because my son has Special Needs.

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH?

We purchased a house just before we had our son. If we were in our apartment it would've been more manageable. But we're also plagued with medical bills that we did not expect. I hate to say this, but if you're not financially ready to stay home, you shouldn't.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children?

Our little guy likes being around babies and emulates (or tries to), so that's a benefit. Also, they'll catch everything under the sun. Sucks when they're sick, but he'll have one heck of an immune system!

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home?

My son has special needs that was the main reason. But even before that, I just loved him so much and I wondered, why didn't I do this sooner. If I didn't have to work, hands down, I wouldn't.

Thanks in advance!!

You're welcome.

Alexandra*sMom · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? Yes, definitely!

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? Some months it is tough. It doesn't strain our relationship. We know that I will go back to work when the kids are in school.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children? Yes, DD1 was in FT DC and was sick her first 18 mo of life.

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home? Really due to DD1's sickness.

NewMommy423 · October 2009

Thank you all for your thoughts, it is very much appreciated. I have every intention of staying home, but the money thing just concerns me. We have a lot saved, and we would still live a comfortable life, but the "extra" money I bring home has been so nice. Plus, once the economy turns around my husbands salary will go up significantly. I guess we'll just adjust.

Thank you again for a bit of insight into your life as a SAHM (btw, I meant SAHM, not SHAM... oops).

emathis2 · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? I'm not sure yet. I am a little lonely and my son is so young that its hard

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? Finances are pretty good. We dont miss my income because it was so tiny before. But our relationship is definitely strained now. Not that its all that I'm staying at home. Its just a huge adjustment and DH isn't pulling his weight in my eyes.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children? No... I think I will do a little day care when hes older just for the interaction and education aspect.

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home? I worked for my husband and didnt make a lot of money. It just sort of happened and I'm still getting used to SAH and finding my way.

jnksmom · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? Yes I do. Some days are difficult and we just moved and are in a VERY small town so I am still adjusting to that and trying to fnd things to do with the kids. I was a teacher and although I loved it I love being with my own kids much more.

Is it tough financially and if so does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? Right now it is tough financially but only because we have had some unexpected expenses that drained our savings plus some so we are trying to play catch up. Once we get caught up we will be fine financially. The finances do put a small strain on our relationship but we also have some other issues because DH doesn't help me at all with the house or kids.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children? Well, I worked in a day care/preschool through college but I am not really sure what you mean. Those kids were sick much more than mine seem to be but other than that I don't know. I saw those kids at work but not in their homes.

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home? I actually worked the first year of DS's life because DH didn't make enough for us to make it on his salary alone. When DS was 11 months old DH got a new job making the same amount that we were making together so I quit work to stay home. I always wanted to stay home it just wasn't possible at first. As soon as DH accepted his new job I turned in my notice. We were lucky enough that my mom was able to keep DS while I worked though.

hewinked · October 2009

I like staying home, but I miss work. I attempted to go back to work, but after leaving DD at a daycare for one day, I knew I just couldn't do it.

It has not put a strain on our relationship, but it is tough financially. We talk about it often and are learning to be better at saving and planning.

No, have not seen it. I just didnt feel it was right for us.

I want to be with DD, I want to have the control over her schedule and what we do together. I am too much of a control-freak to leave her in the hands of someone else!

Kim&Jim · October 2009

NewMommy423:

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? 100%. I was in my job for a little over 11 years and the company was making a ton of changes that I didn't like.

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? Not so far. We saved before the kids were born and had a few years of us buying what we wanted to/playing around so we were ready to move to the next phase. That being said, we moved into a bigger house and are working to pay those expenses off but we should be debt free again in a few months. Had I been working, the debt would have been taken care of faster.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children? Nope. My sister-in-law takes her kids and they major difference is that they are sick a lot more than mine are.

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home? I've always wanted to stay at home with my kids. To me, there is nothing better!! I like having the freedom to make a schedule based on their needs rather than trying to fit them into an "adult" schedule. I enjoy hanging out with them and taking them to music classes, play dates, on walks, etc.

Thanks in advance!!

gatogrrl · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? Oh, yes. Very much so.

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? It was a little tough the first year because DH changed careers and was entry level in his new field. But we are big savers and had just one smallish student loan (his) to pay, no other debt. The strain for us had more to do with adjusting to new roles and expectations than anything monetary.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children? No, I think day care children do just fine, too -- in fact, they may learn things faster being around other kids all day (if this is what you mean). To be honest, staying at home was as much a decision made for my own personal happiness as it was about DD's.

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home? I had always wanted stay at home. I get very stressed when overworked, so it was hard to imagine me working AND taking care of DD (even with DH as a full partner in child care). DH and I prefer a super laid-back lifestyle, and having all this time affords that.

babypuplove · October 2009

I LOVE staying home with DD. I loved my teaching job, but being with her all day is by far the most rewarding, fulfilling, exciting time of my life!

It isn't really tough financially. DH started making more after I left my job, so we're ok.

I was a nanny while I attended grad school, so not quite the same as daycare, but I did see the effects of kids who didn't spend a lot of time with their parents (obviously this isn't the case with all daycare kids, but the ones that I nannied had parents who were very career driven and worked 50-60 hours/week minimum). The kids were still very happy and healthy and thriving, but they definitely missed their parents. They were, however, happy to have me at their classroom events, swim meets, etc., so it worked out fine. As far as daycare, I do know that my friends who send their kids to daycare deal with a LOT of illnesses that come home from daycare. I'm sure that's horrible in the beginning, but probably gets better as the kids get older.

DH and I pretty much always knew I would stay home. We love our situation and our family is much less stressed than we would be if I worked.

susanmosley · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? Yes!! No question.Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? I can't say it is "tough" but we have made adjustments and don't put as much into savings as we were. No strain because it isn't tough.How/why did you come to the decision to stay home?It wasn't something I thought a lot about, but I just always knew I would stay at home with my kid(s). I personally wouldn't have had kids had I not been able to be at home with them. (I only have one, not sure why I am talking like I have more than one)

jerseysunrays · October 2009

NewMommy423:
We're expecting in early May and intending on me staying home with our new one. This has always been our intention, but because of the economy my husband isn't making as much as he used to. It's enough to live and keep a savings, but not what we're accustomed to. I'd like to know your thoughts.

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? Absolutely! I was working at job though, and not a career. I adore staying home with DS and the thought of having to send him to daycare so early on in his life makes me sad. I feel like I would miss out on too much.

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? Yes. But doable. Before DS we loved to take weekend trips, eat out, and pay money for experiences (State fair, ball games, etc). Now we eat at home, watch tv or netflix for dates, and go to more festivals and events. No strain. DH makes enough to pay the bills, contribute to paying down our debt, and save a little. There is NO room for mistakes or extravagant purchases anymore though. Before we made the decision we made sure that we had enough money coming in each month to cover everything we needed to cover.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children? Yes. All of the day care kids I know are very smart, play well with others, share, and are very well adjusted. DS will probably go to daycare at least 1/2 when he is two.

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home? I have a part time work at home job and when we crunched the numbers we realized that if I upped my hours to 20 a week I would be bringing in the same amount of money as if I worked full time and had the cost of day care. It was a no brainer for us. I love being a WHAM/SHAM.

Thanks in advance!!

KL777 · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working?
I do enjoy being a SAHM. Comparing the two are like apples and oranges.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children?
No, I can't say that I have.

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home?
I wanted to be there for our child and I didn't want to try to be superwoman by being a woman, wife, mother, homemaker, and working 40 hours outstide the home.

cp760 · October 2009

Do you enjoy staying home more than you did working? Yes...and I used to love my job as a graphic designer, but I love being home even more. I've been home for 4 years.

Is it tough financially, and if so, does that put a strain on your relationship with DH? There are times when it can be a struggle, but we always find a way to manage. I think the financial struggle causing marital strain depends on your own personal relationship. We have our normal ups and downs, but for the most part we're pretty good with making sure money doesn't control our relationship.

Have you personally seen the effects of day care children? No

How/why did you come to the decision to stay home? I hated missing my kids childhoods. I hated my MIL telling me all the amazing things they did that day (she babysat while I worked). I wanted to be the one to tell others, not the other way around.

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