Should I be hurt?

gunsofbrixton · October 2009

My mom bought me a really nice pea coat today...I thanked her and she started ranting about how my DF needs to start pitching in...talking about how shes bought all kinds of stuff for the baby and she asked what he had bought...nothing really...thats the truth...i dont know why but it kinda bummed me out...I love DF dearly but my mom does have a point...who is going to start taking care of me and the baby...my money has run out and i buy everything from cleaning supplies to the small luxuries...ive been stressing myself about bills and where our next meal is coming from and all he does is pay half of rent and utilities...<vent over>

Excited_Mommy2be · October 2009

IMO, she shouldn't be bitching about your DF to you like that.

However, if you have a problem with how the money is divided, then you need to talk to your DF about it in private. No need to get the mom involved.

kaylamarcus · October 2009

Is there a reason he only pays 1/2 rent and utilities and nothing else? Do you make more than him? Unless there is a reason you are responsible for more than him, this may be something you need to renegotiate! Especially with a baby on the way, you need to feel like you guys share the responsibilities for your household/family....At least, I would! Good luck!

ToesnthesandBride07 · October 2009

I think you need to speak to him about this. When are you getting married? Will you combine your bank accounts? If you plan to keep your accounts apart then perhaps you should discuss who is going to buy what for baby soon. Good luck.

gunsofbrixton · October 2009

When we moved in we both had jobs...now that im pregnant i dont work...medical reasons...im trying to get a babysitting job earning alil extra money...i dont know why i am so apprehensive about asking him to help out more...but i am...i dont really discuss my personal life with my mom she just knows...you know...

sapgirl76 · October 2009

Moms sometimes bring up hard topics not because they want to hurt you, but because they want to save you from bigger hurt later. I have no idea about the "big picture" of your relationship with DF, but based just on the info in this post, it sounds like your mom might have some concerns about how invested he is in this. Moms don't like it when people hurt their kids or treat them badly and again, based just on the info in this one post, that's what it sounds like is happening. I'm sorry. Right Hug

rhannan · October 2009

kaylamarcus:
Is there a reason he only pays 1/2 rent and utilities and nothing else? Do you make more than him? Unless there is a reason you are responsible for more than him, this may be something you need to renegotiate! Especially with a baby on the way, you need to feel like you guys share the responsibilities for your household/family....At least, I would! Good luck!

This!

I agree with PPs that you should maybe sit down with DF and talk about this, it seems to upset you or you think it may be uneven. He should want to take care of his family.

Just keep the conversation between the 2 of you and keep mom out of it. Sounds as if she has a bad opinion already and she may not be a good person to confide in about this.

gunsofbrixton · October 2009

right now where were from...wichita...the air capital...jobs are really hard to come by since half the town works for aircraft...hes working at a retail place part time for 7.50 an hour...not alot but it helps...but its kinda coplicated...

gunsofbrixton · October 2009

me too...in the beginning i got really stressed and was complaining how we couldnt even afford TP and his response was and you want a kid? back then he viewed the pregnancy as a bad thing...now he couldnt be more happy or anxious for the baby...but i guess my timidness stems from all the past drama...

ToesnthesandBride07 · October 2009

manda3987:
right now where were from...wichita...the air capital...jobs are really hard to come by since half the town works for aircraft...hes working at a retail place part time for 7.50 an hour...not alot but it helps...but its kinda coplicated...

I know this is a really hard situation and forgive me for sounding harsh but how to do you and your DF plan to support a baby on his part time income, especially if you are not able to work right now. I think your "plan for supporting your baby financially" conversation is long overdue. Good luck.

mrs_sisco · October 2009

I think you guys need to sit down and have a long talk! You definitely do not want to start off on a bad foot together financially....what I mean is, you both need to be on the same page especially since you BOTH are starting this family. Good luck...I know it is not easy, but it must be done.

MrsColvin · October 2009

First of all...do you live together? if you live together, are planning to get married, and are having a baby then your finances (income and outgo) should be combined! This being said, you stated that you werent working and he is still expecting you to pay half of everything? This bothers me! As the man of the household, with a baby on the way, its time for him to step it up. Im not sure what your extenuating circumstances are, but there is no excuse for a man not being willing to fully support is wife/fiance/babymoma whatever and child, especially since the reason you cant work is medically related to the child you are carrying that is his! It is past due for you guys to sit down and have a heart to heart about the responsiblities of being a parenting team and a married couple!!! there seems to be alot of things that you need to get out on the table and your apprehensions about him not wanting the baby in the first place are a good place to start because this isnt going to fix itself and you need to find out sooner rather than later if he is willing to step up to the plate for his family because if he isnt then he isnt going to change that anytime soon and you need to evaluate being in a relationship with a man that is unwilling to care for his family!!! Just as an insight, i have been in a relationship with a man unwilling to support his family and got put on bedrest and couldnt work and we nearly forclosed on our home becuase he wouldnt step it up! (this was my first husband) I wouldnt wish what i went thru on my worst enemy so please take advice from someone who has been there and handle this NOW!!!

murfygirl · October 2009

Hmm I think a chat about finances is long overdue. I had a hard time asking DH to help support me when we first got married its a hard change and I felt like he might judge me like why can't she pay her half of the bills. We're still getting used to it but DH and I Have agreed until LO comes he pays all bills and my money goes to buying baby stuff. I feel like this is a very fair arrangement for both of us.

Shell24 · October 2009

sapgirl76:
Moms sometimes bring up hard topics not because they want to hurt you, but because they want to save you from bigger hurt later. I have no idea about the "big picture" of your relationship with DF, but based just on the info in this post, it sounds like your mom might have some concerns about how invested he is in this. Moms don't like it when people hurt their kids or treat them badly and again, based just on the info in this one post, that's what it sounds like is happening. I'm sorry.

I agree with this. It's sometimes simplified on here and it's easy for people to say don't go to your mom, etc. and most of the time I agree with that, but I know in my case, my mom is super objective (and a lot of times would take my DH's side ).

That being said, I also agree with the above poster who said that if you are having issues, you cannot be afraid to bring up the division of finances with your FI...if you can't, how can you get married?

Good luck.

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