Am I being too sensitive? (DH going to burlesque show)

BakingandBooks · October 2009

So my husband is thinking about going to a burlesque* show with his buddies for his best friend's birthday. Normally I would be ok with this, especially if I could go with him, but I'm working that night and have to be up early the next morning so I can't join him. Without my being there, I dunno... it makes me feel uncomfortable. Not only because he'll be looking at half-naked women but (is this silly?) because he'll be coming home to a wife with a huge pregnant belly. The whole thing just makes me feel kinda depressed.

I'm being too sensitive right?

*burlesque is a combination of striptease & theatrical entertainment, in case anyone is wondering.

sassafras007 · October 2009

Let him go and have fun...

urbanwifey · October 2009

That kind of thing doesn't bother me, but it's totally valid if it bothers you. If there is no reason to 'forbid' him from going is there something nice you can do for yourself instead? Ladies night in? Spa day? Massage? Shopping spree?

sleepingbeauty825 · October 2009

Eh, I wouldn't like it either. I pick my battles though. If you're really not comfortable with it, I think you have a right as his pregnant wife to veto it.

h3b · October 2009

i don't have much to comment about the show, but i do know that you shouldn't worry about him coming home to your pregnant belly. that's his baby in there and you are his wife - don't get down because you're carrying that for 9 months. be proud! i guess if you feel uncomfortable about the show, you should talk about it with him without being confrontational. if he's anything like my husband, the idea of his pregnant wife is more of turn on than any girl stripping in public and he'll be willing to at least listen to and consider your concerns.

lilhotcandie69 · October 2009

I would say let me him. Burlesque show is way better then a strip club. They don't get completely naked. So let him go and do something nice for yourself.

mitchelltheojua · October 2009

urbanwifey:
That kind of thing doesn't bother me, but it's totally valid if it bothers you. If there is no reason to 'forbid' him from going is there something nice you can do for yourself instead? Ladies night in? Spa day? Massage? Shopping spree?

I totally agree ...

ScissorTailedFlycatcher · October 2009

I, personally, agree with you. But at the same time, DH would not want to go.

Just talk to him about your feelings. IMO, you can't force him to stay home, but hopefully he will be understanding and/or be able to put you at ease.

Brina Bean · October 2009

If you would normally feel fine about it, but being pregnant has made you feel sensitive about it, I'd say let him go. However, if even under normal circumstances you would have an issue, than do as you normally would do. It's really a personal preference.

Kiki-licioius · October 2009

Brina Bean:
If you would normally feel fine about it, but being pregnant has made you feel sensitive about it, I'd say let him go. However, if even under normal circumstances you would have an issue, than do as you normally would do. It's really a personal preference.

This. Sounds like those pesky hormones are getting you blue!

kaylamarcus · October 2009

I think that although there are plenty of women who would not be bothered by this, it's totally fine/acceptable/normal that you are bothered by it! And I personally would be, too! I would talk to him about it, and just let him know that it makes you uncomfortable...His reaction will most likely make you feel better, even if you guys decide that it's okay for him to go after all.

(FWIW, it wouldn't be okay with me or with my husband to do things like this...but I know that there are plenty of couples who are completely okay with it and that totally works for them--so I think it can go either way!)

MrsColvin · October 2009

i personally am the you cant go unless i can go type.. my DH is good with that and doesnt want to go without me anyways...id talk to him and tell him your feelings...

sjbeam87 · October 2009

oh my gosh, you are not being too sensitive! some woman are bothered by that stuff and some aren't- i am! especially with our growing bellies.. don't get me wrong i LOVE my belly and my pregnancy, but you can't help the way you feel and personally, i do feel more insecure when it comes to comparing myself with skanky tiny oiled up girls ha. tell him how you feel because if you don't then it will keep eating at you.. and then before you know it you'll be arguing about something insignificant because deep down you've been upset about this.. am i making sense? i'm sleepy. Sleep

aegrimm · October 2009

My DH is not the strip club type. But he has gone a few times for bachelor parties or birthdays. And I have hated it everytime. Not enough to make him stay home, but I HAVE to do something else while he's gone to take my mind off of it. (Movie, dinner with friends, shopping, etc.).

I also have a rule: he gets no sex for 24 hours after he goes. I know it sounds silly, but I want him to be horny and craving sex because of ME, not because some skinny little thing got his blood pumping. (I've always been a bigger girl. Not fat, but definately not skinny.)

But, I agree with PP: don't let the fact that you are pregnant make you feel unattractive. I know it's hard to feel sexy with your belly in the way but most men find the fact that we are carrying their child inside us amazingly sexy. (I don't get it either, lol)

Tell him exactly what you told us: that you're torn about him going. Let him make the decision, but DON'T hold it against him if he does. Wink

TXTwisterBabe · October 2009

I would definitely not let him go if he were my DH, but that's me. My DH isn't into that kind of stuff, though. If you're uncomfortable with it then you need to tell him. I'm sure as your DH he wouldn't want to do something that will make you uncomfortable.

IrishBrideND · October 2009

I'm confused by the responses. Is this a strip club or a burlesque show? they are very different IMO

BakingandBooks · October 2009

IrishBrideND:
I'm confused by the responses. Is this a strip club or a burlesque show? they are very different IMO

It's a burlesque show and yes, I agree that they are very different since burlesque dancers aren't totally naked at any point. Still, it made me feel kinda down.

IrishBrideND · October 2009

BakingandBooks:

IrishBrideND:
I'm confused by the responses. Is this a strip club or a burlesque show? they are very different IMO

It's a burlesque show and yes, I agree that they are very different since burlesque dancers aren't totally naked at any point. Still, it made me feel kinda down.

ok. Gotcha. Just talk to him about how you feel. You can't *forbid* him from going, but just have an honest discussion about it.

Shell24 · October 2009

Wouldn't bother me. But I don't get worked up about stuff like that, porn, strip clubs. etc.

I do think you're being too sensitive, but no one on a message board can tell you how to feel. If you're uncomfortable with it, then you should talk to your DH about him not going. But as you said, it's more to do with how you feel about your looks at the moment, and if that is the true reason you don't want him to go, you should get past it.

BakingandBooks · October 2009

Thank you for sharing your thoughts ladies. I really appreciate it.

I think I'm going to leave it up to DH... He knows I'm not thrilled about the idea, but I can't forbid him from going and honestly, if I did, he'd feel super bad about missing his friend's birthday. I don't think that would be fair.

Really what's bothering me are two things: a) that I can't go with him (which I would usually insist on with things like this); and b) that I feel a little weird about him looking at toned, half-naked women when I'm sitting here with a big belly. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my bump - I just don't feel sexy anymore.) But I guess this is something I'm just going to have to work through since I'm only going to get bigger! Come to think of it, maybe going to a burlesque show wouldn't be the best thing for my ego, lol.

At any rate, I feel better after having chatted with you ladies, so thank you.

cinderellabella · October 2009

Yep I really wouldn't be ok with DH going, but he also wouldn't go. He knows I'm not ok with that can't kind of stuff and wouldn't even try. I think you should for sure let your DH know how you feel, he'll hopefully want to please you more than he cares about disappointing his friends by not going.

Kanne0729 · October 2009

I would let him go!

Anniekins214 · October 2009

The thing to keep in mind is, while some of those girls have nice bodies, it doesn't necessarily mean your DH is going to be drooling over them. First of all, he loves you. Secondly, not all guys that go to these events are going to act like horny teenage boys while they're there. My DH has been invited to a strip club on two occasions before I met him. He went, but he's not into women with breasts like wrecking balls that are paid to pay attention to him.

Most guys go for the novelty of seeing half naked/completely naked women.Think about it; if you went to a male strip club, how many of you would actually be turned on?

ElloPoppet · October 2009

Am I the only one who LIKES burlesque shows? I'd go with Hubby & have a good time, belly & all

sapgirl76 · October 2009

ElloPoppet:
Am I the only one who LIKES burlesque shows? I'd go with Hubby & have a good time, belly & all

I do! I do! It sounds like she can't make it, though, which would upset me more than him going.

Burlesque is totally not the same thing as a "gentleman's club"! The women don't get naked and it's way more about the artistry. Also, a lot of burlesque girls have a little extra cushioning, too- so do not think he's going to be looking at super-skinny women and comparing you to them. You probably also have some seriously sexy curves thanks to pregnancy that you can rock! Personally, this wouldn't bother me, but I know a lot of women have body-image issues during pregnancy and like PP said, no one on a message board can tell you how to feel. I would have an honest discussion with him, but I wouldn't guilt him into not going. Maybe you just need some more reassurance from him that you're sexy?

IrishBrideND · October 2009

ElloPoppet:
Am I the only one who LIKES burlesque shows? I'd go with Hubby & have a good time, belly & all

I enjoy them as well. (and I hate strip clubs)

islandgirl79 · October 2009

sapgirl76:
ElloPoppet:
Am I the only one who LIKES burlesque shows? I'd go with Hubby & have a good time, belly & all
I do! I do! It sounds like she can't make it, though, which would upset me more than him going.
Burlesque is totally not the same thing as a "gentleman's club"! The women don't get naked and it's way more about the artistry. Also, a lot of burlesque girls have a little extra cushioning, too- so do not think he's going to be looking at super-skinny women and comparing you to them. You probably also have some seriously sexy curves thanks to pregnancy that you can rock! Personally, this wouldn't bother me, but I know a lot of women have body-image issues during pregnancy and like PP said, no one on a message board can tell you how to feel. I would have an honest discussion with him, but I wouldn't guilt him into not going. Maybe you just need some more reassurance from him that you're sexy?

I agree- not all of the performers will be, as another poster said, "skanky" skinny girls, some of them I have seen are not even mildly attractive.

If my H wanted to go I would not stand in his way. I would feel worse for having him miss out on his friends party to sit home alone while I worked.

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