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Infertility
SIF, children, adoption and IF
I believe that some of you misunderstood my situation yesterday so I am going to take the time to explain what is going on.
First, I was not being holier than though yesterday, I was trying to make a point that we are all hurting, secondary if and if, yes someone with secondary IF has a child, or has given birth. In my situation I gave the child up for adoption due to my age. After his birth I was told that I would have a very difficult time every getting pregnant again, due to the trauma caused to my cervix from his birth. When I was 22 years old, I was told I would never have another child. So there I was 22 years old being told that the one child I had, I gave up for adoption and that there was not much they could do. I did treatments anyway. For over four years and never got pregnant.
My husband and I got divorced, I moved away, got married again many years later and we started treatments right away. 17 months later after many injecitable IUI treatments I became pregnant with my triplets.
I am not ttc now, in fact I had a hysterectomy a couple years ago. I would love to adopt more children some day but due to my childrens special needs I do not think that we will be able to.
Many of you seemed to be under the impression that I was ttc now, I am not. I do however remember the pain associated with infertility, that is something that never goes away. No matter how much you wish it would. I would give anything to have been able to achieve pregnancy the "normal" way and to have a "normal" pregnancy. But that was not in the cards for me.
No you do not know if you will ever have a child, neither did I. I did not raise my son, he knew who I was, I saw him but I did not raise him. I went through hell to get pregnant and to have my triplets.
So yes I get it that IF is painful, I just did not get that someone would not be welcome here if they had experienced it, I did not get that someone who had a child would not be welcome here if they were experiencing sif. And that upset me. But then I saw that it was not the case that they were not welcome here, you were just asking them to be considerate of your feelings and not to flaunt their children in your faces, to allow you to vent about seeing kids and not to get upset. I understand that. Believe it or not I do.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: SIF, children, adoption and IF
I guess I missed your post and the drama from yesterday... but I just wanted to say that your kids are beautiful! Congrats on finally getting your family. Sorry your path was a long and painful one. Most of us are on that same path... but hopefully we will end up with a happy ending too.
Ok, I'll bite. I just don't appreciate women coming on here who aren't ttc (trouble or not) and blasting pics of their beautiful children right in front of us and being up on some high place.
I am sorry you went through so much pain, but look what you have. Look at your picture. I don't know that I will ever have that and nothing you say about "hey, this happened to me..." will change MY fact that I may never have a child of my own. So please, do not come on here talking down to us. You should know what we are going through and you should know that it is not easy.
I hope so as well and while I know it is hard sometimes, I also think it is encouraging to see that there is hope and that those that are told there is no chance, even when my dh and I started when we got married I was given NO chance of getting pregnant that there is hope.
We got pregnant on what was going to be our last treatment, we were on adoption list and had just had our second interview with someone that was considering letting us adopt her child. I was blessed to become pregnant and since I did and after we learned it was triplets we decided not to adopt.
so slap me, bless me out, take your emotions out on me if you are upset or overly hormonal right now. But try and understand that I do get it and I have been there. It is not a pleasant road.
Yes I know it is not easy and that is why I did apoligize for what I said and if I had offended anyone. I did not mean to cause anyone on this board anymore pain. I was simply trying to understnad wy someone with sif would not be welcome and as I said It was made clear that it was not that they were not welcome.
I just wanted people to understand that I do get it and I know it hurts like hell. Yes I am blessed, I was lucky and I hope and pray that all of you will be as well.
When I was doing treatments I LOVED hearing IF success stories, it gave me hope that I might get that lucky as well.
I think what you are missing is that if we want encouragement we will seek it out.
This is our safe haven and to shove your "hope" into our face is not what we really want to see all the time (some people never want to see this).
We can hope over to SAIF if we want to see people living on the other side of the fence.
I also think it was unnecessary to post this in the first place. Last night was enough.
You may think it is encouraging because YOU have your blessings. I for one, don't find it encouraging. Your story is not the same as mine and just because it worked for you does NOT mean it will for me. Offer support by giving Good Lucks and Hugs and whatnot, but not by talking down to us.
If you did get it, you wouldn't be posting these big stories for us to read over about how you went through so much, but look at me now. Seriously? Many of us take that as flaunting and don't appreciate it.
No one doubts that you get it because you've been there. What people were disputing was your statement that secondary IF and regular old IF are the same, and I have to agree with them. It's called "secondary" for a reason.
BTW, the "overly hormonal" comment is a little condescending.
Oh FFS! Seriously lady! Get a clue!!!
When I did treatments I cried because I hit a bird one day. I was overly hormonal, everything upset me. I
Clearly there was some misunderstanding the other day. OP even said she misunderstood the intent of the post the other day and apologized then. She's only posting again now b/c there was more posting today about how upset people were.
I don't think she's flaunting her children in front of us, at least not intentionally. Most of us have admitted that some days siggie pics of children hurt and other days they encourage. She's one of us, ladies, and she was just trying to defend a SIFer.
Thank you for understanding and taking up for me, it seems that some are just determined to not see that I am not trying to be a ***
I have no idea what you posted yesterday but can I give you some unsolicited advice?
Let it drop. Join the board offer support of hugs, GL, etc like a PP suggested and move on. Bringing this up again isn't going to help you or anyone else. Based on the posts today it sounds like whatever was written was not well received that should be enough for you to just let it go. This is a very welcoming board so if you want to post here then do so, but just take the info (clues, direction) you have been given and move on to post in the SAIFW posts. I am sure you have knowledge about treatment that can help some of the ladies so share it without getting on a soapbox and I think you will find yourself better received.
BTW, your LOs are very cute! Congrats on your success.
Me - DX Hashimoto's Disease, Hypothyroid, Rheumatoid Arthritis
DH - DX Azoospermia - Sertoli Cell Syndrome
DS-IUI #1-4 BFN IVF #1 - BFP! It's a boy!!!
Really, I am not trying to be mean. We understand that you are sorry, I just think you need to let it be now. I
Sometimes, as I said in the Flame Frees, people apologize to make themselves feel better. In the end I think this is all your are accomplishing. No need to RP in mulitple places. Just let it go.
TTC Since Dec 2006
*IVF #1 cancelled at ET*
*IVF #2 OHSS, transfer cancelled*
*FET #1 2 frosties, c/p*
*Lap April 2010, removed endometrioma/endo implants*
*Surprise BFP June 2010*
*Beautiful daughter born 2/14/11!!*
Thoughts from an Overwrought Mind
SAIFW
REALLY????? We are starting this again?
This is why there are different boards for IF. Snarky (which I admit I didnt get at first but hey, to each her own), Trouble, SAIF, SIF....
THIS board is primarily for women who have a DX or who are hoohaa deep in needles and sonograms. Secondary, primary, whatever, but in the middle of very rigerous medical intervention. The overly hormonal comment was horrible and the other poster was kind to call it condesending. You went through it so shame on you for forgetting what it is like when you are jacked up on all that crap. If you can't be supportive then stay out. And by supportive I mean being sensitive to what OTHERS need..not what you want to shove upon them.
Please just let it drop and go back to the Parenting board. There have been enough misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
This and this.
Your kids are cute, congrats on your success, and thanks for stopping by.
I usually don't get involved in this kind of stuff but you do have a "holier than thou" attitude and it's really annoying.
Me: PCOS/Amenorrhea DH: Azoospermia due to Y Chromosome Micro Deletion IVF w/ ICSI on hold until further notice
Hope
I am not the one that brought it up today and that cussed me today, that was all you guys. I was wrong to say some of the things I did last night and I did apologize for it. I am not the one that got snarky, the hormonal comment was condensending I get it but it was not intended that way. That is the thing with message boards things do not always come across as you intend them to.
I for one, appreciated the apology for the misunderstanding.
BUT - there really is no need to continually post about how you are just trying to get your point across. We get it.
YOU hurt people here by offering unsolicited info. People are asking you to stop bringing this up and stop posting here and yet, you have this need to get the last word in? Try and say the right thing to redeem yourself? I have no idea but it's not happening if you couldn't tell. Let. It. Drop. Go back to Multiples or Parenting and consider this a lesson learned that not everyone wants to hear about how you got to have kids when they still don't know if they can.
To be honest, if anyone got snarky with you, it's because you are NOT TTC, and while you may have dealt with IF, you don't post here regularly and no one knows you here. If you want to give hope, post your story on SAIF and be done with it. YOU may have gained some sort of inspiration from success stories while you were down but not everyone does. What's good for YOU is not good for EVERYONE, and you should never assume it is.
I think this says enough.