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Blended Families
hoping4more
member
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Kinda stressed about Christmas..
hoping4more
member
So lastyear my DD's BF had her on Christmas eve and Christmas day. We went to my DH's parents on boxing day (the 26th) and to my parents the 27th, 28th, 29th.
This year I dont know what to do... Also, added to the mix my DH's sister had her son on the 26th lastyear so somehow we have to add his birthday into te mix too. We are very close to them so we cant just skip it.
We are susposed to alternate my DD with her BF on which year we actually get her for Christmas day. He has 2 families and wants her probably atleast 2 days. My problem is what to do?!
I somewhat volunteered my family to do an early or late Christmas again this year since they are a little further away and DH's family and BF's family are all somewhat close together. My dad is a little sad about this that we never get to have Christmas on Christmas day, but he will live.
What do you guys think? Anyone else in a similar situation? Please be nice..
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
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Re: Kinda stressed about Christmas..
I'm confused.... do you give your DD to him every Christmas? Does he want her again this Christmas? Is there anything in your CO about holidays?
We alternate holidays. We get SS every even Christmas & odd Thanksgiving and BM gets him every odd Christmas and even Thanksgiving.
I'm sure this is going to cause some flaming but we don't have a CO. Never were officially married, ended on good terms and mostly agree on times, etc. so never felt the need.
It just a matter of him showing up and what he does/doesnt do when he has her. Child support was agreed on with a worker since we didnt want to go to court over it. The worker took his paystubs, etc and calculated the amount and the BF agreed.
He gets her for some time on/around every christmas and this will be #2 since the split. He wants her again (it may be just to show her off) at Christmas.
Our thanksgiving is this weekend and he got her last weekend for an early thanksgiving. Her birthday (July 11th) they got her the day after for their celebration and the year before we tried a joint celebration, it was okay.
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Goodluck!! Sorry your BM is a pain
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
I just wanted to say Christmas is usually crazy in blended families. Let me just give you a rundown of how ours usually occurs. Although my DD and my skids are on the same weekend schedule (skids come when DD is home and Skids are at their mom's while DD is at her dad's) our holiday schedules are still opposite.
Our CO's work where one parent gets the kid(s) from 6pm the day school (in their residing district) gets out for Christmas break until 12pm on the day after Christmas and the other parent gets them from 12pm the day after Christmas until 6pm the day before school resumes. Last year our holiday madness was as follows:
The day school got out, we picked up skids at 5pm (their BM will adjust times -it's supposed to be pick up at 6) and we rush across town to drop DD off at the drop off point by 6pm to her BF.
On Christmas Eve DH's family has a dinner so we go there. Christmas morning we open presents at home with skids then go to my parent's house then go to DH's parent's house again that night. The day after Christmas, at 12:00 we picked up DD from the drop off point and we drive to drop off skids at their BM's(again BM allows us to delay the return of skids so the kids can actually see each other for a minute- they are supposed to be returned at 12:00). Then Christmas repeats for DD, we go home she opens presents, we got to my parents, then DH's parents.
So this year will be just the same schedule but with the kids flip flopped.
We use to have a crazy schedule where they would literally split the day on Christmas and Christmas Eve starting at 4pm and that was just all kinds of confusing with whether we were in DH and BM's hometown or if we were with my family or BM was with her new-in-laws. It was madness. It meant that there was a chance that at some point on Christmas, DH was traveling almost 6 hrs to p/u SS. We got our CO changed to the alternating holidays with DH getting every school break after Christmas and it has worked so much better.
I would give him the days after Christmas for this year since he had her on Christmas last year. Then you guys can get it in writing that he gets even years and you get odd years. You really should get a Parenting Plan in place so you can eliminate this kind of confusion. It will be so worth it in the end.
Christmas is stressful for us too. We get SS on Christmas Eve and she gets him Christmas. There is no stipulation to what time we have to take him to her. We have lots of things going on in the weeks prior to Christmas since we only get him EOW. His mom always tries to have a Christmas dinner around when we have him so we do Christmas with him then. Typically on Christmas Eve we go to his Aunts because they have a huge Christmas Dinner and then we drive to my god parents and do a dinner and gift exchange with them. One year we had his moms christmas dinner/lunch on Christmas eve and his aunts party and it snowed a ton. BM's house received more snow then us, but we still were leary about driving in it. We weren't going to go to my god parents because of the weather and we were just going to take him home, because she wanted him in bed at a decent time. BM calls while were eating dinner and asks DH to bring SS to her friends house because she wasn't home and was at this party that was a few miles from her house. DH told her no and told her we would be bringing him home later than originally planed since she wasn't even home and was obviously drinking. We didn't want her driving with him in the crummy weather drunk and we shouldn't have to take him home earlier that normal because she wants to take him to a party. DH and I hate that we only get him Christmas Eve. When he goes to court he wants to change it so we switch off having him every holiday to make it easier on everyone. This year I don't know how we are going to do it, my brother will be home from Africa for a few days and I'm not sure BM will let us have SS even though my brother adores him and SS adores my brother. We shall see.
We're very fortunate to live close to the kids...
Usually, since Thanksgiving has a long wkend, we split it-She gets them from Wed-Fri, then we have them Fri-Sun... and change it every other year.
For Christmas, since they're 10 now... DH likes to have them at one place. They are at their BM's Christmas Eve-Christmas Day... We usually get them right after that, but we go over and see them open gifts in the (superearly)am... Last year, Christmas was kind of stinky-my SF died, DH was sick... so we didn't spend it together. Hoping to have the kids after Christmas and take them to our families to visit this year! I think it's the last they will believe in Santa... although I'm sure they made a pact to not tell. I know one doesn't believe, I'm sure...
Not looking forward to the holidays either. This Thanksgiving I decided to invite BM over for dinner so the kids could have both parents together instead of them being shuffled half way thru the day. I felt bad cause BM would be by herself.
For Christmas, I have no idea what will happen but the kids will probably be shuffled half way thru the day. It sucks cause none of our family is here. I want to fly back to MI with my girls & new baby to spend it with my family but DH isn't going to want to spend Christmas away from any of the kids (ours included). I hate being tied down to the house with no family around.