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2nd Trimester
lilbit923
member
Pushy MIL and who gets to be in the room
lilbit923
member
I don't think I am the only one who has one of those. She means well, she's really nice but after awhile I fear of going into sugar shock.
Well seems she and DH have been talking about who all is coming in the room prior to labor. I really don't want MIL seeing all my stuff hanging out. I don't mind DH being in there and I don't mind my Mom seeing me like that. I just have this problem with my MIL seeing me that way.
DH and I were initially planning on having Emma the last week in December. I would like to stick with that plan if Emma continues to grow ahead of how far along I am. If she slows off in growing then I'd rather go till my due date and see what happens. DH is all for that, knowing that I have done this before, my family is known for big babies and whatever makes me feel comfortable.
The in-laws plan on being here for a month. Eeeek! I love when they visit but this is going to be a really touchy time for me. She literally takes over my house. I love that she helps out but she does too much and when I go to do something she tells me she's already done it, about to do it or for me not to do it. Trying to be helpful? Yes. Overly in my way? Yes.
I am thinking of having my SIL (NICU Nurse) advise that visits prior to the c-section or VBAC are limited to 15 minutes up till labor starts then only DH is allowed in the room. Is there something wrong with this? She's gonna think I'm being a b!tch isn't she? This is my in-laws first grandbaby in 15 years...so it's a big deal to them.
I know when it comes to "the day" and I have an IV of dope, she'll come in the room to ask why she can't stay and I know me, dear Lord, I know me. The first thing that will come out of my mouth is "I don't want you to see my vag!na."
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Re: Pushy MIL and who gets to be in the room
coming to see you while you're laboring- just laying in bed having contractions- i think would be ok, if you're not exposed (which you won't be, you'll have blankets and stuff on you.
HOWEVER, the actual checking of the baby (when the ob does the pelvic exam) and the pushing and stuff, if you weren't there for the making of the baby, you don't get to see it delivered. imho..
let me say, though, that when I was in labor, the last thing I wanted to do was see DH, let alone anyone else in my family. I wanted it to be over with and quick lol
My OB told me that he would be the bad guy if I needed him to be and HE would tell anyone in my family that it was hospital rules not to allow them in the room. Maybe talk to your OB about your concerns. Let the nurses/drs be the bad guys and not you!
My DH has mentioned to me that he wants his mom and my mom both in the room during labor. I said no way... and I'm gonna let him tell her! I don't even know if MIL expects or wants to be in the room, but it's NOT going to happen. I love her tons, but I don't even know if I'll be comfortable with my own mother seeing my 'crowning glory'.
We'll take any visitors in the room until it's actually labor time, and just have them step out for exams and stuff.
I see nothing wrong with not wanting her in there, and it should be her son to tell her that.
I am all for that. I have already warned my OB about my MIL to which my OB apologized a great deal and just rolled her eyes with the "Oh no, not another one of those" looks.
I don't want them to miss the birth and I want them to hold their new granddaughter. But she's going to try and hog all of my time. I would like that time to bond with my baby. MIL has the habit of referring to Emma that she's "her baby." Ummmm, no. DH and I made her...not you.
Why would your H and your MIL be discussing who will be in the room with you at the birth? I mean, that's your business, not your MIL's. She may think you're being a b!tch, and at the risk of sounding harsh, who cares?
This day is about you, your husband and your baby. If you're uncomfortable having someone see, well, pretty much ALL of you, I don't think it's unreasonable to say no.
Btw, I LOVE "I don't want you to see my vagina." Honest and to the point. Hmm ... I might have to use that.
I was told that the hospital staff is there to be the "bad guy". Tell them what you want and let them push everyone out of the room at the appropriate time. Then your MIL can be mad at the nurse or OB instead of you and H.
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
You know? I have no clue why she or most MIL's think that. Do they think that because we married their DS's that we have now lost all right in what we are carrying? I am beginning to think that's what she thinks. It is getting really old.
You are not alone. . . my MIL was a neonatal nurse (retired a number of years ago) and kept going on and on about how she could help and how she would love to be in the room when my son was born.
I felt the exact same way that you do, and did NOT want her looking at my private parts -- how would I ever look at her again knowing she had seen my vag. I honestly didn't want my DH to look at it either.
Luckily, here in Canada, visitors are restricted in the labour and delivery room. You can only have a maximum of 2 people in with you. So, DH was one and then I wanted my mom in with me. So my DH told her that she could be outside in the waiting room, but she couldn't come in. She was disappointed, but it made it much easier that it was hospital policy.
I'd blame it on policy and tell her she can wait outside.
GL
When I had my 1st son, which has been 14 years ago, my parents and my then IL's were in the room while I was in early labor. I was completely covered at all times and anytime I had to be checked they were all asked to wait outside.
It worked out fine for us. I had a c-section that time and will this time as well so no one will see the delivery but DH and I. It would be that way for me if I was having a vaginal delivery too.
Talk with your DH and set up some guidelines if you need to and then he can talk with his mother about them.
DH will be the only person there with be while I'm in labor. Maybe I will call my mother who lives down the street from the hospital incase he needs a break.
I feel like I will be super *** and cranky and don't want other people there. Infact, my plan (read mine NOT DH's) is to not tell anyone about the baby for a few hours or forbid them from seeing me/baby until 4 hours or so post delivery...
It will be their frist grandchild, and I love my ILs but yeah... I don't want them in my space while I'm in labor.
OH, and the best part... I work in the hospital and have for over 9 years. I can tell the front desk NO VISITORS until you get my OK... just incase people try to sneak in.
I feel like it's a special time between my and DH and our LO.
It's tough, but at the of the day, it's your vagina and your baby and therefore you decision as to who will be present. Simple as that. Is your DH not comfortable telling her your wishes?
I personally do not want my in laws in the room w/me until the baby is born. We have already discussed, and the only people who will see me in labor or see my vagina will be my mother and husband. There is no reason for anyone to be there otherwise IMO. I am a very private person, and will not do well with alot of activity and distraction. I don't understand why she would be mad or offended... If I had a son, I wouldn't expect his wife to alow me in the delivery room! That is very personal and not a circus show for all to see! My SIL laid down the ground rules when she delivered in June, so it won't be a shock to my in laws.
We invited my MIL to the 3D u/s, and I plan to involve her in baby shopping, etc. I feel this is plenty of involvement, and she should be happy with that. There is no need for her to be there for the actualy birthing part. Could you include your MIL in more on the front end so she doesn't feel totally left out?
GC - I love you more everyday! This is exactly our plan for the birth.
It's definitely a choice that should be left up to the soon-to-be-mommy, but I just don't get why it would ever be a question of having mother', MILs, FILs, sisters, etc. in the room. My MIL is the same way as OPs - she is loving and caring and a lot of the times suffocating, but there would NEVER be any question of wheter or not she can be in the L&D room. And since I decided that I am not comfortable with people even being out in the waiting room for 10+ hours, waiting for DH to come out with updates and what not, we are not calling anyone in either family until the baby is born and we felt that we had enough time as a new family alone.
Don't worry about being rude. This is (or in my opinion should be) an extremely private moment for you and your DH. If you don't want someone there, explicitly state that now so there isn't any question as you come closer to the date. GL!
^^^This
My MIL is a off the deep end too...so much so that I can't stand to be around her and DH and I have actually discussed moving out of the state. I agree completely with the above. It's your decision bottom line. The way I see it is nobody but you and DH were making LO so nobody has a say in what goes on!
Years ago, before DH & I were ever living together MIL mentioned to me that it's okay if she's not in the room when we have our children. I looked her dead in the eye and told her - "Don't worry you won't be in there."
I wouldn't worry about being rude, MILs need to get a grip and realize that you need your privacy. It is a special time between you and your DH/SO. I'm not worried about being a b!tch, then can all get over theirselves when I'm in labor and tired after delivering the little guy.
DS #1 born January 2010. DS #2 due June 2014.
With my first, it was just my DH and I in the room for delivery and then we spent about a half hour or so after we had the baby bonding with our LO ALONE!! My parents and MIL were there while I was in early labor and I actually didn't mind it too much since we all talked and it took some of the focus off waiting for the baby to arrive. When the doc came in to check my progress, she would always ask everyone but my DH to leave. I would just find out hospital policy and ask your doc to clear the room. If the hospital policy says you can have whoever you want in the room and your MIL asks when she shows up there, you can risk having to tell her to get out.
I'm not even sure I want my mom there for the during part. I really hope I spontaneously go into labor on a weekday evening and nobody will be able to make it until the next day. Both sets of parents live about 2 hours away.
Unless you're having a scheduled c-section, how would they even know that you're in labor unless one of you calls. Just don't call until after you've delivered.
The thought of anyone other than Hubby being in the delivery room is outlandish to me (I'm on #3)...but that's just my personality. I think it's a special thing that should between the two parents of the baby. It's more than seeing my Va-jay jay (although modestly is an issue to me) but to me it's a journey, a process and I wouldn't want to share that with anyone other than my husband.
That being said, I was in with my sister when she delivered my niece, but her hubby is very sqeamish and nearly hit the deck. I even cut the cord. It was awesome. I wasn't thinking "Wow, that's my sister coochie" I was helping her, offering comfort and support, holding her legs, holding her hand, whatever she needed, which her husband isn't good at.
So, I guess all in all its a personal decision, and I think you inherently know what YOU feel comfortable with. Do NOT let someone else pressure you. You are the one doing the work.
This! Like a pp said, it's your vag and your kid. I don't even want my mom in the room. My ILs live about 1 hr away, and I'm still dreading having "the talk" with them, but there's no way I can look MIL in the eyes again if I know she's seen it all. Especially if I poo during delivery.
Everything is so exciting when you're one!
With DS #1, DH, my mom, my dad, my sister, MIL, FIL, and SIL were all in the room after I got my epidural. However, once it was push time, everyone left except DH and my mom. But, everyone was back in the room within 20 minutes after DS was born. I didn't even hardly get to hold him until he was a couple of hours old, and didn't like that....
So, when DS #2 was born, DH and my mom were the only ones at the hospital. IL's were watching DS #1. They came to the hospital later that night to visit. That worked out much better--I felt like we got to spend time as family, and enjoy our new baby.
You need to speak up. Don't worry about hurting feelings. I'm sure my MIL would love to be in the room but I don't feel comfortable with that and told her that. They'll get over it. And they need to understand and respect your privacy