Advice for telling friends? — The Bump
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Advice for telling friends?

We had our first prenatal doctor's visit today, and it was amazing!  I hoped to hear the heartbeat via doppler but was pleasantly surprised that she did an ultrasound instead.  We saw our little peanut, kicking legs and all!  So now, based on what DH and I decided weeks ago after our positive test, we're sharing the news with the world beyond family. Hooray!

I'm wondering, though, if anyone has advice for telling friends who have been ttc for years with no luck.  My plan is to just be out with it like I would be with anyone else.  They knew we were trying, and I know they'll be happy for us.  However, I don't want to over do it.  Does anyone have any specific advice on that, either from a similar experience or as someone once in my friends' shoes?

Re: Advice for telling friends?

  • Congratulations!  Reading your post reminded me how exciting it was when we first found out about DD!  :) 

    We were in a similar situation.  I have a good friend who was trying for over nine months, and we got pregnant before we even officially started trying.  I'd been off the pill only a couple weeks and we were using other birth control (but not very well obviously!).  I was nervous to tell her.  I called her and left a message saying I wanted to tell her some exciting news.  She assumed what the news was and had a little bit of time to get used to the idea before calling me back.  Since your friend knows you were trying, I think even if you lead with "we've got some news" she should have a few seconds to deal with it before the "we're pregnant."  And if your friend is like mine, she will genuinely be happy for you. 

    And on a side note, my friend got pregnant four months later. She lives in another state, but we've had our LOs together a couple times and it's so much fun. 

  • My SIL just had a m/c and was very scared to tell my BIL/SIL, but they are happy. We were going to tell them at a family get together at our place, but they couldn't attend. We called them the next day and told them....didn't want to make a big deal of it, but wanted to tell them before they found out some other way.

    I am sure they will be happy for you - my SIL is distant with the whole thing since she is still depressed and not acknowledging my pregnancy, but people have to understand the world isn't going to stop just because they are hurting. They should be happy for you and share in your joy. GL!

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  • Just come out and tell them.  One of my best friends struggled for over 2 years before getting pregnant (she has twin girls now- yay!) and she use to say the worst thing was people feeling scared to tell her about their pregnancies and always walking on eggshells around her.  Obviously it still hurt for her to hear about everyone getting pregnant, but it would hurt worse finding out someone was holding back info.  And as much as she was sad about not being about to get pg herself, she truely was happy for everyone and wanted to know how things were going. 
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  • I agree with all of the above posters. As one of those people that struggled with infertility and watched as several of my friends got pregnant, and it was hard to hear that some of them got pregnant without even trying (oops!) I was still genuinely happy for them, but I would be lying if I said I didn't come home and cry to my husband. One of my closest friends called and said that she wanted to tell me her happy news, but that she knew it was going to be difficult for me to hear. Her acknowledging that it was going to be difficult for me made it even easier to get past my own self-pitty, and made it really easy not to feel resentful at all of her pregnancy. (I didn't even cry!)   Maybe mention that you know about their struggle when you tell them, it made me feel a lot better. Big Smile
  • I have a similar story as pp. My DH's SIL had a missed m/c in July. Both our families knew we would be TTC as soon as I graduated, which was in August. To our surprise, we got pregnant on the first try. It was stressful to decide how to tell my husband's brother/SIL. DHs family recommended that he tell his brother privately. His brother then decided it was best if he told his wife. They are happy for us, but I'm sure it brings up sad feelings for them. We see them all the time, so we just try not to talk about the pregnancy too much.

    I would say its better to tell those people who are TTC instead of them finding out some other way. Just try not to "celebrate it" every time you are around them. 

  • I had a m/c about the same time as all my friends were pregnant and getting pregnant with healthy babies.  Some people waited to tell me and it was really hurtful to be the last one to know, although they were just trying to "protect" me.  You have to tell sooner or later so I suggest sooner, maybe even sooner than others.  It would have made me feel more "special" than tip toed around.
  • Sorry I'm so late to respond, but thank you for the advice.  I did just tell them like I would anyone else, but it was a little awkward.  I didn't say anything about knowing the news would be difficult, but I kind of wish I had.  The right thing to say can be so tricky.  I guess there's no way to say it without them feeling a little sadness. 

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