Working Moms
AlisaS
member
The Second Shift? A POLL for FT working women
AlisaS
member
in Working Moms
I see so many posts from FT working women where they also do the majority of daily household tasks/childcare. They might complain about it, but they still do it.
So I am curious.
[Poll]
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Re: The Second Shift? A POLL for FT working women
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
my dh does more cooking and 'big' cleaning (like mopping, etc).
I do more little stuff (loading dishwasher, etc) and child-related things like baths, bedtime, etc.
So overall it's probably 50/50, but he's more like 75%housework 25% kids and I'm the reverse.
I'm the primary breadwinner, and I do by far most of the child care and housework.
I don't know how I got here, but it's about to stop, I can tell you that. I've hit the wall on doing it all.
For us it varies. We kind of just both do whatever needs to be done. The only divide is, he tends to care for the bills and I do more cooking. But still 50/50.
Childcare is always 50/50 although we both tend to do some different stuff - like I tend to do baths, he gets them dressed and fed in the am.
I always find it odd when people tell me my husband should be cloned because he is so involved with caring for our boys or doing so much around the house. Uhm, because he is a responsible human being?
As if men doing 50% of the housework/childcare is somehow a *choice* and they get extra kudos for it. But for women, it is simply expected that we do it. No extra points for scrubbing toilets.
I'm the breadwinner, I do 75% of the work and I don't complain about it at all. I get nightly foot rubs, small gestures of kindness and tons of love so I'm totally content.
I remember what life was like when I was single and guess what, I did all of it then too. The grocery shopping, cooking dinner, cleaning up. I have never really thought about it until I've read posts on these boards and then that article in Parenting magazine about women being "mad" at their husbands for not doing more around the house.
I assume this is a spin off from my post earlier?
Even if I were to work FT, DH would work more hours than me. He also travels for work, and I don't. We have a housecleaner. I do the bill paying, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking and the kid-stuff. DH does the dishes (usually), cat stuff, yardwork, hot-tub stuff, home improvements, and car maintenance. He's always stressed over not getting his stuff done, both at work and at home. His current stress is about getting the deck painted. he's been working on it for 3 weeks now. He worked both days on the weekend while I spent time with the kids.
If I go out after work, and he picks the girls up and gives them dinner (mind you, dinner I pre-made for him to heat up), they don't get baths, and the place is a disaster when I get home. he has no patience and then complains about how he's not qualified to be a parent.
LOL @ the 1st choice!
My husband helps me alot, but I do the most by far!
I do about 75%, but I'm ok with it. He helps me out with the stuff that I need help with and is good about splitting up chores at the end of the day so that they get done faster. He's also really good about doing the things I hate, like mopping the floors. And, the things I do are actually things I enjoy doing, like cooking and grocery shopping. I don't mind doing more baths than him b/c it's just more time I get to spend with my kids. ;-)
It's taken us a long time to find our balance and some weeks it can be a little out of synch, but for the most part we're happy with our division of labor in the house now.
What is special snowflake? maybe i am down on my bump lingo!
I am on maternity leave right now so I am doing more stuff inside the house but under a normal schedule, we try to split the work in half. He does yard work, which takes a lot of effort due to the lot size and FL heat. He also does bills.
I do all the laundry and quick cleaning when needed (we have a cleaning service). We share responsibilities in the kitchen and with DS. I take care of DD 99% of the time because she just wants me and I nurse. We will see how things go when I go back to work.
We share childrearing responsiblities, but as for housekeeping, it is 99% me and 1% DH (and I am being generous in the percentage for DH), only because DH is incompetent in this area. His cleaning skills and cooking skills are HORRID. I have caught him "washing" a dish using no soap and his bare hand. No sponge or liquid soap. FAIL.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
DH manages our finances, cooks every night and weekend mornings, takes out the trash and does dishes sometimes.
I take care of the laundry, meal planning, dishes, grocery shopping, child care coordination, scheduling and going to doctor appointments (although DH has taken a child to the doctor on a couple of ocassions), and research (preschools, vacation stuff, etc).
We both do bath/bedtime with the boys every night.
We have cleaning people that come every two weeks and the lawn service comes weekly during the season so we don't have to worry about any of that stuff.
Even with all this sharing of responsibilities we each feel "put upon" from time to time. We just have to remind ourselves that with both of us working FT and having three kids under three there is PLENTY of stuff for each of us to do. It also explains why the home projects never get done.
My twins are 5! My baby is 3!
DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi
DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame
I work part time, but I would still say our household tasks (groceries, laundry, childcare, meal planning) is about 70/30, with me being the 70%. DH's chores are outside--lawn cutting, weeding, landscaping, dog poop cleanup duty, and in winter, snow removal. The majority of the indoor work (house cleaning, groceries, errands, dry cleaning) falls to me. Every now and then, DH will pick a big chore and do it on a weekend, whether that is mopping floors or cleaning grout in the kitchen, etc. I have learned which tasks I can delegate--cleaning floors, mopping, etc--and which ones I cannot--buying birthday gifts for kids' parties, picking up groceries, etc. He is awesome at doing bigger jobs, say painting a room or currently, finishing our basement, but the small, everyday tasks....not so much.
He is able to build a shed in our yard in a weekend, but cannot fathom why I sweep the kitchen floor on a daily basis.
I feel your pain, sista!
We don't keep score so I don't know for sure, but I think it's pretty even. Some weeks I'm too exhausted and he does it all. Some weeks he's too exhausted and I do it all. Most weeks we split it. Some weeks it just builds up...
Whoa! Who changed the default pic to some pregnant chick?? Not cool!
I put 75% me because hubby works 12+ hours daily. However, when he is home, we're 50/50 even.
I work more hours that DH and don't get home till after 6. He feeds him dinner and gives him his bath before I get home. i hate missing doing that stuff, but i like just getting to play for an hour before bed.
We both do housework, but right now i'm studying for boards, argh, and so he's doing some of it and the house is just a disaster. I don't care at this point as long as we're bathed and have clothes to wear.