Frustrated, disappointed, about to give up (vent) — The Bump

Frustrated, disappointed, about to give up (vent)

Why do people say breast is best but not tell you how hard it is to do?  I've been trying for 3 weeks and I think I'm going to have to throw in the towel at this point.  It's really sad because when I was pregnant I was bombarded with all the "breastfeeding is best" talk so I felt pressure to do it and now I'm disappointed that I can't.  I tried for the first 2 weeks- baby lost over a pound of weight.  He finally learned to latch on and we had about 3 days of good BFing, then something happened and my nipples got really really sore and I was in too much pain to BF.  I took a week off and pumped to give time to heal and tried to BF again today since I've been feeling better.  Abour 3 feedings later I am sore all over again.  He seems to be doing everything right from what I know about what a good latch should look like.  So why does it hurt so much? Feeding my baby is excruciating and I dread it. It's so painful that even water in the shower hurts.  I really don't want to give up- I'm not the quitting type, but I think this time I'll just have to suck it up and quit.  I'm calling the lactation lady in the morning but unless she has some magic advice, I think I'm going to either go to formula or pump full-time (which from my week of doing it proved to be very time-consuming). 

Re: Frustrated, disappointed, about to give up (vent)

  • Don't give up just yet!! The first 2-3 weeks of BF'ing are painful. My nipples really hurt at times. After each feeding I would apply nipple cream to them. I just stuck with it for those first few weeks and then bam it got better. No more pain anymore.

    So since you took a break I would say that probably if you keep at it for the next 2 weeks or so it will no longer hurt. It does get better, I promise!

  • I'm sorry you are frustrated. I have to say its funny though because I've had every symptom you did and I say that BFing is going great! Its normal for LO to lose a pound or more after birth. Its normal for your nipples to hurt A LOT at first. And its normal to want to give up.

    I nursed way too long at first. Once my milk came in I was glad that she went only 10 minutes per side! But I used a lot of nipple cream afer each feeding and it really helped.

    I hate to say it but you probably set yourself back a bit by pumping for a week and not letting your nipples or your LO get used to the real thing. 

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  • The pain is really bad in the beginning, and I was also pissed that no one told me that.  But after a few weeks, it goes away (it really does!) and then it becomes a really nice thing.  I was in SO MUCH physical pain for eight weeks, but I'm glad I stuck with it.  If you can handle the pain knowing that it's just temporary, then you should stick with it, but if it's too much and it's making you miserable, then you have to do what you have to do and you shouldn't feel bad about it.  Hang in there.  
  • I agree with PP -- Don't give up!  I hated it too until about 4 weeks (when it stopped being painful) and started to really like it at about 6 weeks.  Just push through if you can and give it until at least 6 weeks.  I hate to pump but have decided to pump at work so that I can continue to breastfeed at home. 

    But remember, if it doesn't work out then you and baby will be fine.  Formula isn't poison and there is no reason to feel guilty if you do stop breastfeeding.

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  • Don't give up!  Its hard at first but you need to see a good lactation consultant who can watch you and help you.  It shouldn't hurt! 
  • image Karmanmsw:
    Don't give up!  Its hard at first but you need to see a good lactation consultant who can watch you and help you.  It shouldn't hurt! 

    That's not *exactly* true. It hurts sometimes, even if you are doing everything perfectly. Generally the pain is worse at first and gets better as the feeding goes on. It will go away... and then come back again, then go away, lol 

  • it's great you're getting help! be proud of yourself for finding the time/energy to do that. i remember how hard that was for me. i hope the LC is helpful. mine certainly has been! i'd be sure to ask her what a reasonable amount of time is to see a difference after trying whatever she suggests. some things may take another few days or a week to really try out.

    it does hurt, and it is so hard to believe the crazy strangers on the message board who tell you it gets better. BUT it does get better! and it CAN be wonderful!

    in addition to lansinoh on my nipples pretty much 24/7, i tried to spend as much of those early times topless as i could. rub a little of your milk into your sore nipples and leave them open-air whenever you can. it REALLY helped mine heal up fast, must faster than any cream.


  • I've been in your same boat...twice. I wasn't prepared for how difficult it would be the first time then the second time I thought it wouldn't be as bad because I'd done it before. WRONG!

    Your baby is still young and you are doing an awesome thing by giving him breastmilk! Don't throw in the towel yet. Set a goal for yourself (I told myself 6 weeks) and see how you feel then. You will probably find that you are well over the hump!

     As for dealing with the pain...wear a bikini top in the shower to keep the water off the bits. A total lifesaver! Have you tried the gel things you put in the fridge and then in your bra? They did help me some. Ibprofen also helped and it is safe for breastfeeding. It didn't take away all my pain but it certainly helped take the edge off.

    I am also in Raleigh...feel free to PM me if you want to chat more. I'm sorry you are having a hard time but I promise it will get better! Hugs!

  • You just have to build a tolerance. If you can walk around with out a bra or shirt after each feeding and try rubbing in any left over milk. I was told this helps you heal. It does get better you just got to keep at it. I remember my toes curling everytime my LO latched, but each time it got easier.

    Whenever you do decide to give up, do it for 24 more hours and then see how you feel.

  • Seriously, as everyone is telling you, don't give up yet!  The horrible frustration and pain you are experiencing is completely normal.  We are at 8 weeks now, and I'd say things started feeling easier around 6 weeks.  Sometimes I do still have pain.  At our last feeding, when he first latched on, it felt like he was biting me, but that pain went away in about 15-30 seconds.  So, realize you might still get some pains here and there, but the bulk of it will go away!!  Don't throw in the towel!!  I can't remember how many times I cried and thought it would never get better, but it did.
  • DOn't quit!!! It WILL Get better. We've all been in your shoes, especially around that point.
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  • I could have... and may have written that post myself.  NOw I am wanting to breastfeed for longer than my original goal!  I promise it gets better.  See a LC ASAP!  She can help, hang in there!
  • I had this same problem!  I was about to quit.  I was prepared to quit.  I couldn't handle the pain and bleeding nipples anymore!  I ended up using shields.  In my mind, I was either going to use shields or not nurse at all.  Now, I wish I wouldn't have jumped to the shields...but in my defense, I was 2 weeks in and was *this* close to quitting. 

     Either way, like everyone else has said - don't give up!  She's a month old now and I told DH last night that it has finally stopped hurting.  I don't feel any pain at all now!  :) 

    • DD1: August 2009
    • DD2: December 2010
    • DS: August 2012
    • M/C 9/2013, 12/2013 
    • DD3: October 2014 - April 2015 Miss you baby girl.
    • Current Due date:  April 14, 2016
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