Pregnant after 35

2 showers?

Would love anyone's advice here. Both my dad and my MIL want to throw us a shower. I don't want 2 showers.

Longer story: My parents live in PA; we're in NJ. My mom has MS and is in a wheelchair, and my parents' house is wheelchair friendly. All my family lives in PA. MIL lives in Jersey. She has offered her house for a shower, but since my mom isn't mobile, my dad wants to do it at his house (he doesn't feel like my mom would be comfortable or be able to get to the bathroom, etc. at MIL's house). Now they're both suggesting they each have their own shower.

I don't want 2 showers. Since May I've felt overwhelmed with obligations and people to see/things to do...I feel like H and I haven't had a chance to breathe since the summer. I also don't have *tons* of friends who live in NJ who'd necessarily fill up a shower here. The friends I would want to invite would be willing to travel to PA for it.

Any thoughts? Am I being selfish for not wanting to let each of them throw me a shower? How would you tell MIL that you'd rather they work together on one event? Don't get me wrong, I am *incredibly* grateful that both are so excited and are being so generous to go to the trouble for us. 

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Re: 2 showers?

  • i would probably just go with 2 that way your family doesn't have to do allot of travel (since they will probably come for the birth right?) and then you can also have one with more of your friends in NJ. Personally I hate being the center of attention and hated my bridal shower but in the end i realized i didn't really have to do anything except show up so I would say have them do what they want and just show up and enjoy yourself and not worry about it. OR tell them it's gotta be at your mom's house or nothing since she is the least mobile and that seems like the polite thing to do to me.
  • Kinda sounds like a bit of competition is going on there.  

    Maybe you can suggest that your MIL host a "Meet the Baby" party after the kid is here?   They tend to be less focused on you, obviously, and still have that shower feel.  And they tend to be less gift-oriented.

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  • I would let MIL host a shower. It is obviously something she really wants to do.  I think you could really hurt her feelings by turning down her offer.

    Have your parents host a shower in PA for local friends and family. 

    MIL can host a smaller shower in NJ.  I know you said you don't have a tons of friends in NJ but showers do not ned to be big. The nicest shower I ever went to had 9 guests.   Plus, while I know your friends wuld be willing to travel to PA, it wuld be much easier for them to attend a shower in NJ!    Or perhaps MIL's shower can be a couples shower.  That way H is included and typically couples showers are much lower key. 

  • I would go with two showers and keep everyone happy.  Or if you think the conversation will go well, ask MIL to go in with your parents on a shower at their house. Also as PP said, showers don't need to be big!  Sometimes the small ones are more fun because you actually get to spend time with everyone.

    I also like PP suggestion of a "meet the baby party." DH and I are in a similar situation as you but our families are much more spread out than yours.  When baby arrives we are having a meet the baby party in both of our hometowns and everyone seems to think it is a great idea.  Besides, I told my mom, what do you think our friends in my hometown would rather see, my big belly or the baby?  Obviously she said the baby.

    Good Luck and no matter what you do, HAVE FUN!!!!!

  • Be good to your Mother...have 2 showers:)
  • Wow, just to show you how your mindset changes when you have a newborn, I looked at this post with absolute envy!!  My thought was, "Two showers?  God, I'm lucky if I can get one shower everyday!"  I totally LOL'ed at myself when I figured out that it was a baby shower post!
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  • Do they both know the other wants to have a shower? If not, tell your MIL that and see what she says. If she's still insistent on doing one herself, separate from your parents, can it just be a small dinner type of thing? 

    I think it's awesome that they're both wanting and willing to do something like this and personally, I would take advantage of it as babies don't come every single day (at leat out of my womb Wink ).

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  • imagefauxshelley:
    Wow, just to show you how your mindset changes when you have a newborn, I looked at this post with absolute envy!!  My thought was, "Two showers?  God, I'm lucky if I can get one shower everyday!"  I totally LOL'ed at myself when I figured out that it was a baby shower post!

    HAHAHA.  That's hilarious Shelley!  But very true! :)

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  • That's so nice of both of them!

    I have no idea what I would do, though.  

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