Preemies
mil... did u have trouble letting go? Sorry so so long
Ok let me just start... my son have been home from the NICU for one month now!!!!! It is so AMAZING that he is finally home after three LONG months... ok now lets rewind... My son was born at 32 weeks. He was also born with a condition called gastroschisis (adominal wall defect where the intestines were formed on the outside of his body through an opening in the abdomen wall)... ok MIL... The day I had my son 32 weeks... his intestines were on the outside of his body, he was on the vent, lets just say he looked a little rough... well my mother in law was at the hospitable that day and had taken many pictures of my son in that condition... and the posted them on her facebook that same day.... FOR ALL THE WORLD TO SEE. She did not ask my husband and I if that were ok... she just did it. My son was really struggling when he was first born... I found out about it the next day when 23 people called us to let us know they were so sorry about my son and had seen all the pictures on here facebook! I found it so inconsiderate of her to do something like that to my husband and I. It is such a struggle to get through day to day in the NICU... let alone with having to explain what is going on to everyone and letting them know that my son is going to be ok. Ok so we asked her to take down the pictures because we were not ready to deal with everyone and the phone calls... (((it was 1 day after I had just had my son))) and she flipped out calling us insentistive to her needs and how she loves her grandson and was so proud of him... and how she was always there for us and we are just taking out our issues on her.... ughhhhh. no we just want you to take the pictures of OUR SON off your facebook.... I had not had a chance to even deal with it yet... I was still in the hospitable.... It had not even been a day.... so she ending up taking them off her facebook... and my husband and I tried to just move on... and let her come visit my son again 2 days later in the hospitable.... I took her in the NICU with me... she had let me know that should would rather be in there with my husband so she can enjoy this "special moment" with my husband....not me... wtf.... I was so annoyed. Soo I got my husband in there... got the nurses to open up a window so I could watch them both of them visint.... I was going to take pictures of them.... While my husband and his mom were visiting my son I saw the nurse come up to my husband with a diaper and they were going to let my husband change the first baby diaper. I tapped on the window letting my mother in law know that I wanted to be in there for the diaper change(it was going to be the first mommy thing I got to do with my son... as we all know these things in the NICU are very special)... so my mother in law looked up at me... and continued with my husband and son... not even acknowleging me asking he to leave real quick ( my husbands back was turned away from me so he could not see I wanted to come in). I just lost it... I just went to my room(still at the hosptiable) and bawled... I felt like she had just taken such a special moment from me with my son and my husband.... ok so lets fast forward to 3 weeks later... my son had his 2nd surgery... and was on the vent for week after the surgery.... we could not hold the baby while he was on the vent.... so the day I knew he was getting off the vent I went rushing down to the NICU to hold my son for the first time after his 2nd surgery... and I walk in the room and.... guess what... my mother in law is sitting in there holding me son!!!!!!! Holding my son before I even got to hold my son... took ANOTHER moment from me.... I was so mad! I had to walk out of the room and take a walk around the hospitable or I would have told her off right then and there. I just do not know how to deal with her. We have tried to set his parents down and talk with them... trying to let them know with the struggles we were dealing with and how hard it is on us that they do things like that... and they just turn it around on us and say we are breaking up the great relationship that we used to have... how someday we will see how self centered we are acting..... How we dont appreaciate the things they try to do for us.... they made our experience at the NICU hell... it was hell going through that just because his parents were so aweful to us. Ok fast forward again.... my son is out of the NICU... things are GREAT at home! I have tried so hard to just forget the past.... bringing our son over to there house about once a week... trying to give them grandparent time... bending over backwards... I know these people are my husbands parents and I have to try my best to make this realationship work.... it is just so hard for me to forgive the past... I do not know how to.... I feel like every little thing they do it bothers me.... and I know they just wants to be a grandma and grandpa and enjoy my son.... but it is just hard for me.It bothers me that they think they are so perfect.... how it is all my husbands and I fault... and want to make my husband happy and have a good realationship with his family.... we have an AMAZING realationship with all his brothers... its just his parents.... I do not know how to deal with them... I feel like his mom has empty nest syndrome and is using my son to replace he empty nest... even know she has 3 other boys at home... my son is the first born and the "golden child" in his parents eyes. I feel like she is always trying to be so competitive with me... saying snarky comments twoards me... and then says "just kidding." When I bring my son over to her house she just grabs him from me.... even if he is sleeping... and my son does not really like her that much because she pokes at him and irritates his when he is sleeping to try to wake him and so he cries alot when he is with her and she will not give him back to me to let me comfort him!!! I can no stand her!!! ughhhhhh!!! So did anyone else deal with in law problems during there NICU stay and after? Do u still have a realationship with them now???? What should I do??? Thank for letting me vent:)!
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Re: mil... did u have trouble letting go? Sorry so so long
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. When DS was in the NICU I had a few rules.
A) NO ONE but DH could hold him before I got to ..because I couldn't see him for the first 33 hours...but that wasn't an issue since he wasn't allowed out of his incubator except for 5 min. in which DH held him while they changed his bedding.
DH and I soon agreed that NO ONE but us would hold him until we got home. We were only allowed a VERY short time to hold him each day, so that was OUR time. No one argued. I felt so bad because my dad was there with us at least every other dayand I REALLY wanted to give him that opportunity, but it would have just started the dominoe effect.
MIL can sometimes be overbearing with him, but she's just excited and usually abides by anything I say/ask. I really hope that for your entire family's sake that you can all find a way to get along. DS has one set of grandparents (dh's dad/stepmom) that he will probably not know very well and that is just sad to me (except that he has many other relatives who love him to peices to more than make up for it!)
That must be hard. My relationship with my in-laws has been very difficult as well. My husband and I seperated durring my pregnancy, and now we have decided to get a divorce. I guess my in-laws have decided to "pick a side." Anyways, when I dont feel like dealing with them, I blame it on the "Dr's orders". If I dont want them to come visit I explain that it wouldnt be a good time because of a recent test or apt he had. This is YOUR baby. Grandma and Grandpa will have plenty of time later on. Dont let her push you into anything. Avoidence is good because you dont end up blowing up and saying something that will be remembered forever. It is such a frustrating situation just having a preemie. Dealing with your sweet little baby being uncomfortable, surgeries, needles, IV's, resperators. Unless you have been thru it there is NO POSSIBLE way she could understand. In a few months (when you feel up to it). You can explain to her how you needed to do everything possible to protect your son and keep him as comfortable as you could.(including not interupting his sleep with poking). They might initially be upset but time with your baby later will make up for that. Good Luck!!!
Fortunately we didn't have these issues, our families were pretty respectful. That being said, I think I'd have taken that up with not just the in-laws (who are COMPLETELY out of line, IMO) but the hospital staff as well.
I'm sorry. They are way over the line and honestly, I'd have a hard time letting them see him now. What does your husband say about this?
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