Working Moms
Am I being unreasonable here?
H said he forgot that he and his dad have plans this Sat. No big deal, I told him to go ahead.
Then he says that they'll be doing the same thing every Sat. for the month, and I got miffed.
I feel it's a bit much for me to be expected to juggle a toddler, puppy, and housework for 1/2 of every weekend for the next 5 weeks, so he can go play with his father.
Am I being irrational? I am fine with a couple of weeks, but not all 5 Sat. in Oct.
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Re: Am I being unreasonable here?
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
Nope, it's bird hunting.
If it is hunting season and this is what he does every October since the day you met him, I wouldn't have an issue with it.
The fact that he wants to be gone that much says more than you being unreasonable. I would tell him that you'd like Sundays to be family day or give you a break for some time on Sunday.
I totally feel your pain. I'm a hunting widow in October too.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
No. He used to go for one week or a long weekend, once a year. That hasn't happened in the past couple of years b/c it's expensive, and he had to use vacation time when daycare's closed, etc. But this is the first I've heard of anything this year.
Sounds like you get a few spa days in November. Long spa days. Or, DH can choose 2 weekends to hunt.
My DH has 2 hunting weekends planned for Nov and then is thinking of snowmobiling season. Um, who is magically watching the baby and taking care of the house during those times honey? A few hours is one thing, a whole weekend, mmmm...not so much.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Is it an all day thing? Can he bring the dog? I mean, don't you generally need dogs for bird hunting? My two cocker spaniels would love to go bird hunting - lol.
My DH plays softball every Sunday morning. He leaves at 7:30 and is home by about noon. I actually like the alone time. I make coffee, grab warm bagels, hang out in my pj's with DS, watch HGTV, go to the park. I figure it's better than him asking me to go visit his mother. I'd probably be a little annoyed if it were an all day thing, but eh... I'd probably just let it slide if it was only 5 weeks.
I currently SAH, but will work in the future, and I personally do not see the big deal. Is it an ALL day thing? My DH hunts, and usually is only gone until noon, or from like 2-3 through dark.
Did you have something you needed to do in that time, or did you not want to be responsible for your child and household alone? Even though I SAH, Dh has stuff he needs to do to help around the house, but if he is gone on a sat. (or every Sat.) we find ways to compromise. It is only 4 days in all right?
I'd be super-pissed. I would not be ok with my DH commiting to doing anything (even if it only took an hour or two) every Saturday for a month without talking with me first. It's rude, since it automatically assumes that you have nothing better to do than just be home with the kids.
DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012
I would be mad.
DH is the same way except with snowmobiling. When I first met him, he rarely went. I didn't know how obsessed he was because he couldn't afford to buy one. Then he bought a sled and went a ton the winter I was pg bc he said he wouldn't be going much after DD was born. Every year since, he has gone more than the last year. It's absolutely ridiculous. There's seriously times I've felt like wrecking his snowmobile bc I hate it so much.
Anyway, sorry to vent in your post. Going bird hunting every single weekend would be completely unacceptable to me.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
If you know it's his hobby then you shouldn't be too surprised, even if it had to be on hold for a few years.
Now he owes you the same amount of weekend time away alone too, right?
For me this issue is not the total amount but the lack of notice, advance planning and discussion prior to making plans (you are just hearing about it this week, right? I don't understand how that happens.). In my mind the conversation would go something like this:
H: Hey, I'd really like to do some hunting this year. My dad wants to go every Saturday in October. What do you think?
You: I'm glad you are getting to go this year but 5 days seems like a lot. Could we compromise on three days?
Etc. Etc.
No, you are not being unreasonable. He's a father now and has responsibilities other than bird hunting. Time to himself to spend with his dad is fine, but every weekend seems a bit much.
And I disagree with the posters who said it's okay for him to go every weekend if it is what he used to do (which sounds like is not the case anyway). What you did before you had responsibilities is not the same life you lead when you have responsibilities.
I was just thinking this same thing. My DH plays ultimate frisbee on Saturdays he isn't working. I love the relaxed alone time with DS.
Yes, thank you. There are lots of things I used to do before I had a child. But responsibilities mean that things change, and compromises must be made.
Hearing about it last minute is issue 1. Issue 2 is being told it's happening, and not having a discussion. And Issue 3 is that it's tough enough to get everything done that has to be done, while we both work FT, and this leaves no time for any fun family stuff.
It would be an all-day thing, to those who asked. And he'd be useless once he got home b/c it would be an early morning/long day.
ETA: He does have a weekly guys' night too. So it's not like he doesn't get any time. That's when DD and I just hang out and relax.
My DH doesn't hunt, but he does like to go to the bar with his friends to watch football. He would go every Sunday if I let him. We made a deal that if he wants a 1/2 day or whole day of "free time without the baby", that he needs to give me the same amount of time to go shopping alone, or a spa day, or whatever.
I would be beyond pised if DH just sprung 5 Saturdays on me at once. Um, no. Not unless he's also paying for me to go to Hawaii for a week in November!!