need to vent to someone who understands!!! — The Bump
High-Risk Pregnancy

need to vent to someone who understands!!!

I am now 31 weeks, and I have officially started to freak out.  This is about the time that I started to show signs of pre-e with DS #1.  It progressed into severe pre-e and HELLP and DS was delivered at 35 weeks.  After a fantastic ultrasound at 29 weeks, I've had a rough 2 weeks.  I've been sick as a dog with a head cold and my BPs have been all over the place.  My house is a wreck (DH is trying, but he's a man--enough said) and I feel like I'm not spending any "quality" play time with DS (who is 19 months old today) because I just don't have the energy.  On a lighter note, my MFM assures me that I'm ok for right now, that any pre-e signs I may be showing are mild and that my goal should still be to make 37 weeks.  He did say, however, that he thinks I'll probably have to be delivered at some time because the pre-e will come back....it's just sort of a question of "when."   

So now, I just feel like I'm now living on borrowed time.  I am terrified and feel like at any moment, things are going to head south and I'm going to end up with another crazy birthing experience and NICU baby.  If one more person tells me "not to worry" and that it's "all going to be okay," I'm going to kick their butt!  They're not my son's mother, my husband's wife, and they just don't get it.  

Anyways, thanks for listening to me complain.  You ladies are a great source of encouragement and support and I appreciate all the kind words.     

Re: need to vent to someone who understands!!!

  • I know nothing about pre-e and did not have a baby in the NICU so I cannot say I understand. But I do know worry and freaking out and I completely understand how hard that part is! I hate when people say "Oh everything will be fine!" because honestly no one knows how things will turn out. So big hugs. I can at least offer that much!
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  • I had pre-e w/my 1st and she was born at 24 wks.  I am now 11 wks...I also feel like I'm living on borrowed time!! It is so scary.  And so many people are telling me not to worry, and I feel like freaking out on them!!  How can I not worry.  I've been pregnant 3 times and I my only child passed away! I have no living children, I want this baby so bad and I don't know how hard it is for other people to understand that yes I am worried to death!  For myself my husband, my mom and dad and most of all my baby!! 
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  • I know what you mean about the "You'll be fine" motto when inside your FREAKING. This is Preg#1 for my husband and I, we miscarried at 8 weeks in July 2007 due to trauma. SO pregnancy has already had me slightly frazzled. End of July this year my BP started shooting up and they tested me for Pre-E and it all came back negative - for the 24hr I was 196/300 for Protein so I was good to go. At this time is when I started panic mode, my husband is a Marine and was in training for 2.5 months so I was home alone with 2 doogs not able to do much of anything. Since then my BP leveled off with watching my sodium intake but last week its like it all came back with a vengeance. My BP shot up, I've had migraines and my 24 hr is now 288/300 so I too am in that gray area. I cry quite a bit now feeling like I'm failing my job as a mom since I can't even carry my baby for the 9 months and they're already talking inductions at 35 weeks saying 38 would be a miracle. Top it all off - my husband is in the field training again with a phone on his hip waiting for the 911 call which will still take him like 3 hours to get to me. I start weekly NST's tomorrow which I've never done and have no clue how that works but it sucks! and I honetly think teh borrowed time/gray area makes it worse cause I feel like I'm walking on eggshells to keep this baby cooking as long as possible.

     What I will say - and its what Ive been telling myself is what is meant to happen will, and God will only deal you out what he knows your capable of handling. You and your family are in my prayers!

    Megan S. Proud Marine Wife and Mommy of 2 Little Boys Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Daddy's Little NICU Peanut Finally Home =D Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I understand COMPLETLEY where you are coming from!!! I had my son at 29 weeks due to Pre E and have been on Bed Rest since 21 weeks with my daughter due to High BP..waiting for the PRE E to come on!! I have a 2 1/2 year old that needs so much attention and being on Bed Rest is so hard with him. I have some help. do you have friends or relatives that can take him out to play once in awhile? Has the doctor put you on Bed Rest yet? I believe 100% that I'm still cooking this baby cause I'm on Bed Rest! Good Luck to you and keep us posted!! :)
  • I know how scared you are.  I am on my third pregnancy and my third bout with pre-e and pih issues.  After my second delivery I was rehospitalized with post partum pre-e and almost died.  It was awful.  We didn't ever want to go through that again but I got pregnant while on the mirena IUD and here we are again!  I just wanted to share with you that this time things have progressed very slowly for me.  I was put on bedrest at 27 weeks for elevated blood pressure but I have managed to make it to 36 weeks 5 days with no pre-e diagnosis yet!  I am being induced friday to avoid any further issues.  My only advice is take it one day at a time.  You cannot control this awful disease, you cannot prevent it and there is no way to know what will happen.  All you can do is take care of yourself and try to let everything else (like the housework etc) go.  Your 19 month old won't remember this time either which is a blessing!  Hang in there and vent as much as you want!  Thats why we are all here:)
  • I can only imagine feeling everything described, plus more, even/ when I ever reach your point.  I, too, am a "when", not "if" when it comes to pre-e.  I told DH as soon as I found out I was pregnant that I feel like a ticking time bomb. 

    I hope your head cold goes away soon- I'm sure that just magnifies everything :(

  • Thank you ladies.  This board is wonderful and I so wish I had been active on it throughout my pregnancy.  Many of you have had it so much worse than I, and you all truly understand what being high-risk is like.  Even when things are going good, the mental drain of the unknown is agonizing.  That's where I was at yesterday.  Thankfully, the nasty cold is much better today and my BP has actually gone down a little.  No doctor-ordered bed rest yet, but I'm really making a point to take it easy and stay off my feet.  My son is really good at playing with his toys with me on the couch, so it seems to work out right now.  I was working full-time as a probation officer when I was pregnant with DS (holy freaking stress job!!!), so I'm really thankful to be staying home with DS right now (even though some days that is a whole different kind of stress).   
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