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losing friends - vent sorry...

jrisa85jrisa85
in 2nd Trimester

so, i basically "broke up" with a friend today.  it's been wearing on me for a long time since the time she texted MY HUSBAND to talk crap about me and how i wasn't a good friend (she said that i wasn't there for her when she went to the dr but she never told me she was going to the dr, only that she wanted to go). she told me that she liked to text him for "man advice" but when DH told me what she was telling him i got mad.

long story short, my problem with her stemmed from that and i think i never  gave my whole heart into helping her or being a good friend to her after that even though i tried my hardest (i even told her she could stay with me for as long as she needed rent free when she broke up with her boyfriend which she turned down after a day)...

her problem with me? she told me it's because "[she's] not sean (my husband), the baby, or married so i can't relate to her."  she says it's all i ever talk about and since i go to sleep early "it makes it hard to hang out" and she feels "abandoned and walked on"

and after months upon months of listening to her vent and complain about her emotionally abusive boyfriend and trying to help her in anyway i could (take her out, pay for her dinners, tell her to sleep over...etc.) it still is all my fault that we're not friends.

her response when we mutually decided to take a break (so to speak):
she texted DH to tell him that she and i weren't talking. (like i don't tell him everything)

SO FRUSTRATING

sorry. but do you guys have any friends that seem to blame everything on you because you're "too busy" with your baby/marriage/children?

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Re: losing friends - vent sorry...

  • anabell0920anabell0920 member
    Uhh I would have a problem with MY friend texting my husband. Not that I don't completely trust my husband but why would my "friend" need to do that. Especially to talk crap about me! I think you are way better off!
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  • heyhay82heyhay82
    Know how you feel, I just lost my best friend, over this whole pregnancy. It's strange she's married with kids, so I thought we would get closer, but the opposite happened. The good thing though is she doesn't text DH, that's odd.
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  • mrsain1105mrsain1105 member

    wow -your "friend" sounds super high maintenace. 

    I don't have any issues quite that bad, but I can say that I also feel like I've lost friends since becoming a mom.  It's not that my friends are bad people or that we don't see eye to eye on things, it's just that life with kids is very different.  A lot of my friends that don't have kids yet still focus social situations around drinking, and they typically hang out late.  Since I've been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for over two years now, drinking is out for me.  Of course I can and do hang without drinking, but even when we get a sitter its hard because I can stay out as late as I want - DD is still going to get up at the same time every morning (between 5:30 and 6:00am - lucky me).  So, its hard.  Ugh, sorry . . .didn't mean to hijack your post. Tongue Tied

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  • Marc's Mrs.Marc's Mrs. member
    Sorry you have to go through this.  I think your DH needs to tell her that he isn't comfortable receiving texts from her and being put in the middle.  It's like she's trying to tattle on you.  That's just strange.
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  • ditzydi_2000ditzydi_2000
    Hmmm...I would be very annoyed that she was texting my DH.  It almost sounds like she has a thing for him if she's texting him venting about you, his wife.  Definately doesn't sound like a friendship you should be involved with.  Sorry you had to break up with her.  Sad
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  • LCTL05LCTL05
    She sounds like one of those "needy" friends.  I can't handle relationships where I have to continually give, and they don't give ever.  They just seem to suck the life out of you....sounds like you're better off. 
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  • ilovemyprinceilovemyprince
    Ok, First off she has NO right to be texting your DH, and he should tell her that. You two are having issues, it's not her place to involved him, it's yours (If you want him involved) Your DH should also not tolerate her trashing you behind your back, That's an issue you should bring up to him. About her, unfortunately she's right about you two not having anything in common because in your lives, you don't. She's single and has no kids and you do. If you guys can't get along then I'd say it's time to cut ties. Why have someone in your life who treats you like this, and goes behind your back to talk crap about u. How do you put up with that????
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  • ToesnthesandBride07ToesnthesandBride07 member

    Sadly I went through a situation with my long time best friend and MOH!!! She couldn't understand that balancing married life, graduate school, and work was a priority for me. I did speak to her daily!!!

    It breaks my heart to this day but we no longer speak. It has been over a year since I last heard from her. I wish her well but don't understand what I was supposed to do different. Life can be hard sometimes!!!

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  • susanlovestexassusanlovestexas member
    I am very picky about the people that I allow to be part of my life and who I consider friends.  I despise the type of drama that you have described that your "friend" clearly creates intentionally.  Let her go.  You're much better off.  I would definitely tell her that it's not ok for her to text your DH though.  Not because of jealousy, but I just don't see where she has any business dragging him into the little cat fight she's trying to create.  If she has a problem with you she needs to pretend to be mature for a minute and take that up with you personally. 
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  • misswhit85misswhit85
    She sounds incredibly needy, you're probably better off.
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  • Elissa BirdElissa Bird member
    Friends don't make you feel badly about yourself, they lift you up and support you.  I'm sorry this happened to you.  Losing a friend is hard. Sad But it does make more room for good ones.
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  • gypsywitchgypsywitch

    I have a very good friend love her to death, who is single no kids. Its very ahrd for us to relate sometimes because I'm married and adding kid #2. She says we never hang out, I go to bed to early yadda yadda....for people who aren't married and don't have kids its hard for tehm to understand the family commitment. In my friends defense, she's right....I'm usually to tired or busy with the family, or pinching pennies to go out and do the things she wants to do. SAturday night, she invited me out to see male strippers. I sucked it up and her, my neighbor adn I all went. It started at 9 ( my bed time!!) and I told her from the get go, I'm not staying out past 11, I'm tired and I have a 2 yr old at home who will be up early. Around 11:30 I finally told her we had to go ( I was driving, she was drinking) and she seemed pissed. *rolls eyes* But O well, I told her my deal. I enjoyed spending time with her and I always do but I can't hang as long as she can.

      I'm sorry your friend is being like this, she is being quite immature and if she's not even willing to TRY to understand, the friendship isn't worth it.

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  • Tinkx123xTinkx123x

    imageanabell0920:
    Uhh I would have a problem with MY friend texting my husband. Not that I don't completely trust my husband but why would my "friend" need to do that. Especially to talk crap about me! I think you are way better off!

    This exactly. I totally trust DH but i'd be like ahem why are you texting MY husband exactly???  

    Ditch her for good and tell your DH to do the same! 

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  • Tinkx123xTinkx123x

    imageanabell0920:
    Uhh I would have a problem with MY friend texting my husband. Not that I don't completely trust my husband but why would my "friend" need to do that. Especially to talk crap about me! I think you are way better off!

    This exactly. I totally trust DH but i'd be like ahem why are you texting MY husband exactly???  

    Ditch her for good and tell your DH to do the same! 

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  • Dr.BeepersWifeDr.BeepersWife

    imagesusanlovestexas:
    I am very picky about the people that I allow to be part of my life and who I consider friends.  I despise the type of drama that you have described that your "friend" clearly creates intentionally.  Let her go.  You're much better off.  I would definitely tell her that it's not ok for her to text your DH though.  Not because of jealousy, but I just don't see where she has any business dragging him into the little cat fight she's trying to create.  If she has a problem with you she needs to pretend to be mature for a minute and take that up with you personally. 

    This.

    She sounds like trouble.

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  • scubaspotscubaspot member

    imageanabell0920:
    Uhh I would have a problem with MY friend texting my husband. Not that I don't completely trust my husband but why would my "friend" need to do that. Especially to talk crap about me! I think you are way better off!

     

    Yes 

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  • rlb4tiderlb4tide
    imagescubaspot:

    imageanabell0920:
    Uhh I would have a problem with MY friend texting my husband. Not that I don't completely trust my husband but why would my "friend" need to do that. Especially to talk crap about me! I think you are way better off!

     

    Yes 

    EXACTLY!!! You are MUCH better off...I would def. tell DH to ask her to stop texting him! If she didn't then it would be time to change his number! Especially if all she is doing is talkign crap about you to your own husband! You should be the talking crap about her...lol!

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  • BBachmannBBachmann

    Take it with a grain if salt.  People change and have to go their seperate ways in life.

    And, on another note, I'd make it know to your DH that the next time she texts him, he needs to tell her to stop because it is totally inappropriate.

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