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Annoying comment to someone who lost their baby

CiconradCiconrad member
in Parenting after a Loss

Someone I knew from highschool (knew of her in highschool - was not friends with her) lost her 1 month old son on Friday (shortly after birth they determined he had some chromosomal issues and would not survive).  Anyways, I am not friends with her on FB, but have seen other people's status updates and posts about the situation.  So someone I am friends with on FB (not close friends with - just an acquaitance from HS) wrote this whole big thing on the girl who lost her baby's wall telling her she was sorry, she was thinking of her, etc etc.  But then goes on to say stuff like how the Lord knows what he is doing and there must be a reason.  You may go on to have another child you wouldn't have had if Aiden was still here..blah blah blah.  I mean like a paragraph on why the Lord knows what he is doing and how everything happens for a reason.

Now, I truly believe this but I think its one of the most annoying things to say to someone who has lost a pregnancy or a baby.  Maybe 6 months down the road share this with the person, but not 3 days after her baby died!  All she wants right now is her son back.  There doesn't seem like there could be any good reason at this point in her grief.  I know this friend had good intentions, I just wish people had a better understanding of what not to say to people who have lost babies.     

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Re: Annoying comment to someone who lost their baby

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    ncsubridencsubride member
    People seriously do not think sometimes.
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    kellielee08kellielee08
    I agree, totally inappropriate way too soon for that.
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    yellowcaryellowcar

    The sad thing is, she is probably congratulating herself on being such a thoughtful, caring and compassionate person to write such nonsense.

    I am a Christian, have faith, believe that things happen for a reason...etc...but I would never ever tell someone who lost a child that the Lord knows what he is doing.  Unless I wanted to get punched in the face.

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    BeachBride72106BeachBride72106
    Even down the road those comments hurt.  I hope the lady with the loss find peace in her situation.  Losing a child no matter when or how is awful and unfortunately the only people who understand have also been there.  T & P to her.
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    Miracle Social WorkerMiracle Social Worker
    I don't know why people say things like that, it never seems to help....
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    bluedahliabluedahlia
    My father would totally do something like that. There are just some instances where no words can help other than "I'm sorry for your loss." I wish more people understood that.
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    nancyandnatenancyandnate
    I've come to the conclusion that people say things like that to make themselves feel better, whether they realize it or not.
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    dmsmthdmsmth member
    I hated that comment and in all honesty it wasn't until a year later and K was born that I actually started to think this myself.  But at the time, absolutely not!
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    MelissaSue81MelissaSue81 member
    that is awful!!
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    GeminiKMP-CGeminiKMP-C
    I am a Christian, but know when sharing pearls like that would do more harm than help and I know when when it's more appropriate to speak from the heart, friend-to-friend, than to make faith-based statements.
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    TriciaJoyTriciaJoy member

    I don't believe for a minute the God took her son. I think He weeps with her.

    It's an asinine thing to say no matter WHAT you believe anyway.

    A friend of mine lost her son during childbirth last week and one of her friends just asked if another friend of hers could have all his baby stuff & crib and such. SERIOUSLY? It's been 7 days! Can she have a minute to grieve?


    People are idiots.

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    bluedahliabluedahlia
    imageTriciaJoy:

    A friend of mine lost her son during childbirth last week and one of her friends just asked if another friend of hers could have all his baby stuff & crib and such. SERIOUSLY? It's been 7 days! Can she have a minute to grieve?

    This is wrong on too many levels to count.

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    caramelpie80caramelpie80
    Wow, I cannot believe someone would make a comment like that. I remember that on May 3, 2008 I lost my daughter due to placenta abruption. People from my job was sympathetic, but my uncle made that same comment to me about God doing his will. I was so upset because I wanted Jade back and also, that was so inappropriate to tell me that. Some people are so insensitive at times.
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