Community› The Bump Message Boards› Babies on the Brain
Babies on the Brain
New Discussion

God (or who ever is in charge) has a sense of humor

BostonGayGalBostonGayGal member
in Babies on the Brain

There is very little that is 'natural' about using a sperm bank, but doing it single is a lot like buying jeans because the search is bizarre, oddly emotional, and there are just too many choices. I know I was exhausting all of last spring when I was looking (if not always).  I wanted healthy, tall, and yes, I have a particular love for red-heads (yes, Poeia, I know you are surprised to read this).

Now, I am not going to pretend I know whether the relationship with gf will last (though I hope and think it might), but, yeah, height and fair skin are not in Boston Brat's future if this relationship continues to be as great as it has been.  Gf is Fillipino.  She has the most gorgeous skin color EVER. But her people are not known for their red hair or their height.  The tallest Fillipino donor in the US is 5'10".  She has expressed concern that since our (*potential future) child won't share her name or skin color, she will continually be made to feel like less of a parent.

I absolutely could not be happier to have a reason to not try to have a child who looks like me.  If I can have a child who looks anything like gf, I will relish the chance.  This feels a lot more like how it is supposed to be, even if the child is DOOMED to be in the front of every line arranged shortest to tallest (like both me and gf).



http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg



Report Reply to Post

Re: God (or who ever is in charge) has a sense of humor

  • jensnebjensneb
    I can't even imagine trying to make that decision. I would go with your gut, whether or not the relationship lasts, are you going to regret the choice you made, I doubt it, it'll be your child and you'll love that baby either way. GL!
    image

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker image
    PCOS, Ectopic & M/C of twins October 2010, Currently TTC #2
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • palomaLunapalomaLuna member
    Your child is going to be beautiful, cherished and loved whatever decision you make. Best of luck with your choices!

    EDD: 03/01/13;  DD: 10/26/13

    Mourning the loss of Amarine Stella, born at 21 weeks, 6 days.
    We will always love you, our little angel.
    Report Reply
  • Anna&MattAnna&Matt member
    I think really you're the only one who can make that decision. I'd base it on what you personally feel the best about. Since y'all have only been dating for like 6 months or so (if my memory is accurate) I'd probably go based on what YOU want.
    Report Reply
  • ToshaGirlToshaGirl member
    Hum. I agree with pp, I'd go with your gut. You are on quite the journey.
    Report Reply
  • PoeiaPoeia

    First, I believe that the lady Fillipinos are referred to as Fillipina. 

     

    Second, until you know if you want to raise a baby together, I don't think you should take her into consideration.  Hard as it may be, you need to pick the relationship with her (and building it to see where it goes) or a baby.  Picking both, without knowing where your relationship stands is not fair to anybody.

     


     

    Report Reply
  • leslie13510leslie13510

    I can't even imagine being in that situation.  There's just so many little things to consider it sounds like.

    That being said, I promise that you will love your future child with all your heart no matter how short they are or what their skin color is.  :)

    Report Reply
  • BostonGayGalBostonGayGal member

    At the Fillipino wedding I went to recently the female Fillipinos were insulted by the use of 'Fillipina', so I defer to them.

    In terms of 'deciding' based on gf, I haven't.  I will not be trying again until July.  At that point I will make a final decision about a donor.  But it is a consideration, however premature.  If we have a child together, I will probably choose a Fillipino donor depending upon what we decide.  Clearly, it is dependent upon whether I am having this child on my own or as part of a committed relationship. 



    http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg



    Report Reply
  • PoeiaPoeia

    Then I shall also defer to your Fillipino peeps

     

    I think you have time to decide if you are waiting until July to TTC.  

     

    The idea that you can have it all, just not all at the same time keeps floating through my head.  I honestly can't imagine making the choice to become a parent with someone else (regardless of genetic material used) without both folks being on board to be together.

    Report Reply
  • BostonGayGalBostonGayGal member
    imagePoeia:

    Then I shall also defer to your Fillipino peeps

     

    I think you have time to decide if you are waiting until July to TTC.  

     

    The idea that you can have it all, just not all at the same time keeps floating through my head.  I honestly can't imagine making the choice to become a parent with someone else (regardless of genetic material used) without both folks being on board to be together.

    I am waiting until July based upon my life, though it certainly is not in stone.  And I hope we will have a sense of whether we are ready/want to commit to each other by that point, but if we don't, I will make a decision about whether or not to wait.  I know that should we go forward, she wants to be married before the birth of the baby.  I don't want to rush things beyond that.  



    http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg



    Report Reply
  • BostonGayGalBostonGayGal member
    imagefredalina:

    Will you regret not having the physical features if your relationship with your gf doesn't last?  Will you potentially look at your child and just a wee teeny tiny bit of your mind wonder if you made the right decision?  Not that you wouldn't love your child, but you might somewhat have 2nd thoughts or regrets on that part.

    If so, wait and choose based on your own criteria.

    Or, get both and mix them and let God or whoever is in charge decide.

    How is this different from any other relationship/marriage?  I will have *potentially* been with gf 13 months when I START inseminations, at the earliest. I didn't mean to suggest that anything was in stone.  But is it a real consideration at this point. Of course the relationship could end, and that is a significant consideration. I don't think I would look at the kiddo and regret anything if I make the decision come July to use a particular donor and then have my relationship end.



    http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg



    Report Reply
  • PoeiaPoeia

    How is this different from any other relationship/marriage?  I will have *potentially* been with gf 13 months when I START inseminations, at the earliest.

    My most people are not planning on getting pregnant before they meet their partner/co-parent.  And most are not sifting thru profiles for physical characteristics.   

     

    This is all seeming like Chicken Before the Egg to me.  Either you are having a baby on your own OR you have having a baby with your partner.   

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"