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J&A2008
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Rollercoaster of crazy leads to.... adoption???
J&A2008
member
BM has been texting and emailing everyday. She's accused us of trying to humiliate her, interfering in her life, paying so much attention to her that we're neglecting the kids...
(Backstory - we're going to court tomorrow for a restraining order against her boyfriend who has hit youngest SS and who she has gotten 3 restraining orders against in the past for DV.)
Most of her texts have gone unanswered. Last night she was texting at midnight saying that the boys will discover one day how crazy we are and that she can't wait for us to have to "go before God" and have Him judge us. I had to ask, so I did, if she was still in treatment because her texts and emails weren't sounding sane or sober. She said she is still in rehab.
DH and I discuss that she might have left rehab and is using drugs. Then we realize that her counselor indicated there may be some mental issues she needs to address, and that she might be on some prescription meds that are making her sound as loony as if she were on crack.
This morning, the texts begin again (saying we're obsessed with her) and she says - you should just adopt the boys and leave me alone. I reply to this one "Okay."
I got another text asking what the process is, so I tell her I'll email her. Today I researched the process for our state and saw the first step is an affidavit of consent for her to terminate her rights. I draft one up and email her.
She emailed back that this is the best for the boys, she loves them, and she'll always be ready to see them/talk to them if and when they want to see her. We mailed her a paper copy of the affidavit, and now we wait and see what happens next.
Frankly, we're in a bit of shock. I'd be ecstatic if I had some substantial hope of this being a possibility.
Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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Re: Rollercoaster of crazy leads to.... adoption???
I know your story, and yes she is a jerk, loser, insert insult here. It is unethical, however, to ask someone who you youself claim may be mentally altered or a substance abuser to terminate rights. It's just, how do I say it? It's not right. Now, if she is sober and mentally healthy, by all means have the heifer terminate, those boys will be better off.
But a mentally ill or chemically altered person should not be able to terminate rights that they'll wish they had when they are well/clean.
Sorry, your sitch BLOWS....
Yeah, I know. I'm not sure how to go about confirming that she's clean. We tried calling her in rehab, but no one there is allowed to deny or confirm that she is there, and she's only been calling from her cell phone.
On the other hand, I have no problems with her voluntarily terminating her rights since we're not going to prevent her relationship with the kids. She knows that, and we'll stick to it. If you remember, after her arrest, we brought the kids (5 hours each way) to see her once a month until her visitation was restored. We did that for the boys, not for her benefit.
The adoption will just mean she has no legal grounds to protest when we tell her she can't have the kids when she's not in a safe, clean, environment. The boys still know and love her, and we'll do everything we can for them.
And that's if she'll actually go through with this...
I totally agree with you... I think that is very unfair and that you are taking advantage of her if she really is mentally ill... While I 100% agree that the boys would be better off with you and your DH - I think that doing this while the BM isnt of sound mind, is pretty terrible...
To what degree is she mentally unstable? Your lawyer or her lawyer should prevent it from happening if she wasn't totally sound. For instance, if she had to testify in court on a matter, would they find her fit to testify? A rehab psychologist should be able to shed some light on this for you.
I don't really think any of the mental issues are debilitating. Her counselor mentioned her seeking treatment, but that there had been no evaluation yet, and it was in the same context of her having visitation.
I am a little confused about the reasoning of pp that she might not be of a sound mind, and thus cannot sign papers, but that she would be of sound enough mind to care for kids.
Catch 22.
I get what both sides are saying on these other pp's here, but you didn't ask her to terminate her rights, she asked for the info and you provided it to her so I don't think you've done anything wrong or inappropriate. She obviously has some issues and hopefully will get those worked out in rehab, but she isn't your responsibility, the kids are, so if this is what is best for them, then that's what needs to happen. Like you said, you aren't going to keep her from seeing the kids, she just won't be legally responsible for them anymore.
I hope things work out. I don't want to sound all negative on you here, but don't be surprised if she changes her mind on this. I just don't want you to get your hopes up and be disappointed later. I'll be hoping for the best though, good luck!
I don't think that the fact that she's in rehab and has some mental instability should necessarily stand in the way of you accepting her offer to adopt the boys. It's one thing if she has some drug/alcohol issues and she's depressed or on meds or whatever. None of those things necessarily render a person incapable of making a legitimate decision.
If she's schizophrenic or is having some kind of break with reality and hearing voices or something like that, that's a different story, and I think that in that case, you have a greater responsibility to maybe wait it out awhile.
Either way, you've taken steps to try and determine her exact state, and I don't think there's any harm in moving forward in small steps. You'll reach a point when it's irrevocable, and before that point, things will hopefully be clearer.
I would check that out with the state too. In some states there are certain situations in which the biological parent can claim they were in an altered state of mind and then try to overthrow the adoption later. That would be devastating! That said, it would be wonderful for you all if that worked out! GL!
In most states she wouldhave to undergo a psychological evaluation to ensure she is stable enough to make that decision since she has a known history of substance abuse and mental illness. Also, just remember even if she gave up her rights it doesn't mean that she won't try to still be involved in teh childrens life when her life is back on track. It's definitely a messy situation.
IMHO, I would leave this alone. You don't need paperwork for your SK's to know how much you love them and how you think of them as your own. Her signing away her rights won't change anything.
I actually feel bad for the Mom.
Woah. Yep, she's not stable.
I would take steps to pursue the adoption. If the BM is judged by the court to be mentally sound to waive rights than it would probably be best for the kids to have the stability with you & DH.
If the courts don't judge her sound, then at least you'll know what's going on with her.
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