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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
Remembering Christopher
I don't think we'll be having a third
DH never wanted a third and I said we could stop at two if the second was a girl. Well, I'm obviously having a boy. DH and I had a talk last night and he said if I wanted another one I'd have to get pg again within four months of giving birth, if not he was getting snipped. I don't want to guilt him into a third, but at the same time I'm devastated to know that I'm now done with not even a chance of having a little girl. I know my body isn't going to be ready to carry another baby 4 months out after a second c/s, not to mention bfing a newborn and running around after a toddler.
I'm just sad.
Remembering ChristopherThis discussion has been closed.
Re: I don't think we'll be having a third
he wants to be done and over with having babies. So if I don't get pg right away, then no baby.
I am sorry. I know how you feel with the 2 boys and no girl. FI and I will be trying for a 3rd though, hopefully a honeymoon baby! As soon as the U/S tech said boy, I looked at him and said there will be a 3rd baby. lol
Like PP said maybe he will come around.
I don't think he actually do the procedure without my okay, but it was really his way of saying he REALLY doesn't want a third.
((hugs))
I'm so sorry he's saying/doing this. I think it's really unfair of him to make permanent reproductive decisions without considering your feelings/input.
I get that it's his body, and he gets to make the final decision for himself, but in cases like these, it's really frustrating that he's impacting your reproductive ability, too.
What's his motivation? Did he just decide he doesn't want 3 anymore? I don't get it. I'm sad with you.
well, when i was preg with aidan, he didnt want more kids til aidan was 5. um.... he changed his mind.
I think he's scared of the financial responsibility of three kids. We both came from large families (him 5, me 6) and are parents really struggled. We are much better off than either of our parents, but not wealthy. He really wants to be able to give our kids things with out struggling. I have to say - he's always been reluctant about three (but he was also reluctant about two before we had ds and then he was as gun ho about it as I was), so it's nothing new, but getting a vas done is so permanent, you know - he can't change his mind.
Just playing devil's advocate...what if the next one is a boy too? Do you keep trying, or is 3 the limit?
totally wrong for him to make that decision without you.
(I know you are sane...just curious. I have been reading over at the GD boards on Ingender....and BFF has 5 girls and will probably be trying for a boy soon...they can't support themselves let alone kids)
It could have something to do with it, but not a big part. He's 37.
nope three is it - if it's a boy too, then I'm SOL for a girl
This is our rule too. Three is it. No mas.
I'm sorry he feels that way hon. I totally understand wanting a little girl sooo badly ... and if after 2 boys DH put his foot down like that I would be crushed. Here's hoping he sees how beautiful his next little infant is and thinks .. 'wow, if my boys are this good looking, think what my baby girl would be like!'
The Mouse ~ 06.12.08 | The Froggy ~ 02.23.11
I think this is what we will have to do - the time line he came up with just surprised me.
I wouldn't be mourning quite yet - people are notorious for changing their minds regarding the number of children they want. After my craptastic labor and delivery with DS, I was dead set on not having another biological child. Now I can't wait to TTC #2. As unfair as it is for him to put his foot down, it would also be unfair for you to "force" him into having another child he doesn't want for whatever reason. I also think the 4 month window is kind of silly - it's like he's trying to appear like he's compromising, but he knows how unrealistic it is for you to get pregnant that soon. He wins either way.
I would just enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and your new little man. When he's a few months old, sit down with DH again and talk about your plans. I hope everything works out!
I feel like he is just scared and is panicing a little. Maybe with some time he will come around.
I have a different perspective to bring. If you want a third, I promise you from experience that your body can handle it physically. The question is can you handle the sacrifice of probably not breastfeeding and spending another 9 months being exhausted and not yourself. While having another baby so soon was not what we had planned, I am actually really coming around to it and almost glad that we will be done. I too wanted to try for a girl, and wanted 3 babies regardless. If having another baby is important to you, I think you should talk to you doctor and consider going for it. It's not as hard as you may think.
It sucks to be in a position where you are being cornered into making such a big choice, but I'd consider his position. Maybe comprimise and ask for 6 months?
Pardon my saying so, but that is a really jerk way of saying he REALLY doesn't want a third. That's pretty inconsiderate of you trying to force the issue within 4 months--which is random, btw--of you giving birth. That isn't even medically recommended. If he really doesn't want a third, he can get snipped now. But maybe you two should talk more about the reasons why. It doesn't sound like this is a completely thought-out argument on his part. Otherwise, there would be no 4-month window.
did you have c/s with both boys? That's actually my biggest concern about getting pg right away.
ABM did (the c section) you should talk to her and BW after hers.
I am in your exact same position! We have always talked about having two kids. We want to travel, and do travel a lot with the kids - I can't imagine having 3, but as soon as I found out my second was another boy - I was sad for the little girl I would never have. I still go back and forth but H is definitely done. On the boys good day, i would love another one. On the bad days, I'm happy with 2.
This statement confuses me. Why couldn't someone breastfeed a third? My mom did and lots of people do. I also think the whole 4-6-whatever month timeline is ridiculous.
OP - You shouldn't have to have a timeline. If you really want another baby in 2 or 3 years from now, your DH should at least be open to discussion. Decisions like these shouldn't be made by one partner regardless of the other's feelings. Let's just say that my DH is a bit older than yours, and he still would always be open to discussion and consider my feelings.
I meant she may have to quit breastfeeding in order to get pregnant.
Yes, I've had c/s with both my babies.
Have you ever considered adopting? DH and I have actually talked about this. He kind of wants 3 children, but I'm petrified of another pregnancy and delivery, so I've said that I'll have one more go round and be done with 2 thank you very much. However, I do know what it's like to want a daughter and if #2 is a boy I will be sad...but adopting a girl is definitely a possibility. No labour or delivery, miss the absolute newborn stage, have a girl...
However, I think you need to sit down with DH and find out why he REALLY doesn't want another one. If he doesn't think it's financially responsible, does he have a point? And 37 is a bit older than most people starting their family. Give him some time, and for God's sake, don't pressure him! That'll backfire for sure!
that makes me feel a little better, thanks
Ah, got it now?