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Do you think you mourned more than DH?

roxyttandmeroxyttandme member
in TTC After a Loss

DH made a comment today that really got under my skin. He said he hopes that eventually I get over loosing Haleigh. How does anyone ever get over loosing a child? I don't understand that. Our daughter is in a fvcking urn in our living room FCS!

I think he is affraid that I am going to turn into an emotionally inept mother. She is such a basket case... you can read more at: https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/23185286.aspx

I don't think she has dealt w/ a single tramatic event in her life and now all of it rules her life. She is such a basket case witch! We are not cutting all ties with her.

Do you think that you have held the blunt of the trama? I sure think I have! Is that bad to say??? I just think that the woman mourns in "more" ways than the men. I don't know about you... but, my body yerns for her. You?

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Re: Do you think you mourned more than DH?

  • ShellShockedMamaShellShockedMama member

    My DH has already said he doesn't understand why I'm not "over it". He got really irritated with me last night when his (22 year old unmarried, living in a shack) niece announced her 2nd "whoops" and i cried.

    He really doesn't see the big deal, since "I wasn't really pregnant for that long". Perhaps your DH didn't mean "get over" but more "able to move on"? (even that doesn't sound right)

    I don't know, men aren't really known for their ability to communicate feelings.

    (((hugs))))

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  • HElizabethDUHElizabethDU

    I only knew of my baby for 2 weeks, and I still yern for my baby.  I feel like a failure at times, and DH while supportive, he does not grieve like I do.  I have been going  thought this for almost a year, and wish every day that I had my baby in my arms.  I think daily what I would be doing with my child.  

    I am so sorry for your loss.   

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  • KelinandKevinKelinandKevin member
    I used to think about my loss on a daily basis.  Since we have stopped actively TTC it has gotten much better.  I have changed my focus to my new job and trying to enjoy my life and loose weight.  But days like today come when I watch a birth and hold a newborn and it brings it all back to me and I end up a mess for several hours.  I am pretty sure DH will have to hold me while I cry myself to sleep tonight.  He does understand that I am still hurting, but I don't think he feels the same way.  And I'm OK with that as long as he still holds me.  :)
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  • Mrs0815Mrs0815
    Woman become moms the minute they see the BFP it takes men much longer to get it.
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  • roxyttandmeroxyttandme member
    imageMrs0815:
    Woman become moms the minute they see the BFP it takes men much longer to get it.
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  • roxyttandmeroxyttandme member

    imageMrs0815:
    Woman become moms the minute they see the BFP it takes men much longer to get it.

    DH definately feels the affect of being a father. He just feels I should eventually get over it... I just don't see how anyone can get over it!?!?!

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  • MrsDCruzMrsDCruz member

    imageMrs0815:
    Woman become moms the minute they see the BFP it takes men much longer to get it.

    This 100%

    BFP #1 4/2/09 EDD 12/6/09 -MC 4/12/09 BFP #2 6/2/09 EDD 2/14/10 -Ectopic in Tube, Surgery 6/23/09 BFP #3 10/15/09 EDD 6/27/10 -Daniel John 6/21/10 BFP #4 Oct 2010 Chemical Pregnancy BFP #5 8/19/11 Beta #1 82.8 Prog 17.25
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  • Sunnyside_upSunnyside_up
    Yes, although he would never say it. But he does say things like "I know how tough it was on you". Which implies to me that it was easier for him. Maybe I just read into it too much.
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  • themissizzthemissizz

    imageMrs0815:
    Woman become moms the minute they see the BFP it takes men much longer to get it.

    This.  My husband has even admitted this.  He totally doesn't get that it still hurts.  Every Saturday I think about how far along I would have been, he certainly doesn't and doesn't understand why I do.

    image

    11-15-08
    12-1-10
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  • pbhennessypbhennessy member
    DH definitely makes me feel like I'm a crazy woman at times.  Not by anything he's said, but more by the seeming lack of emotion over everything that's happened.  I know that men and women grieve differently, and God knows that he's had to be the strong one when I've constantly been falling apart... I guess it's just frustrating that he seems to have moved on and I am still stuck in a state of despair.  
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