- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Attachment Parenting
freeburger16
member
Advice needed - DS prefers me over DH
freeburger16
member
I am a SAHM, and DH works a crappy shift - he is with Ben about an hour in the morning, and an hour at night before bedtime. He usually does bath time with him, then hands him off to me to nurse and put him to bed. It's been this way for a few months, and usually works. (He then wakes up off and on half the night, but that's a whole other issue entirely).
Lately he will ONLY go to sleep for me, and if DH goes in to get him when he wakes up (which he does about 5 times a night - ugh) he will scream bloody murder until I go get him. As soon as I take him he stops crying. I try to let DH do his thing, but after 10 minutes of hearing him screech I feel bad for both of them and intervene.
DH is starting to get his feelings hurt, and I fear he is going to start resenting me since DS shows an obvious preference. I also want DH to be able to get Ben to sleep since it is starting to wear on me physically and emotionally.
Any suggestions on how to fix this? I was thinking of pumping and having DH try to give him a bottle before bedtime for a few days and see if that helps. Other than that, I got nothing. HELP please!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Advice needed - DS prefers me over DH
2000% normal, 3000% sad.
DD has gone in cycles. She's always preferred me - but sometimes it's only slightly more, sometimes it's a LOT more. When she doesn't see DH much she particularly gets cranky with him. We went to visit my parents over the summer. DD and I stayed 2 weeks - DH could only be there the first week, then he had to fly home and get back to work. It took 5 weeks for her to like him again. She'd say "I don't love daddy anymore. I only love mommy." Ouch. She's not a mean person, but she didn't like him leaving us and she held a bit of a grudge.
The solution was for them to spend some serious time together doing something fun. A day at the water park. (things improved after that day). Then they spent another looooong day together enjoying the beach, market, and a fancy lunch while I worked. Now they're best buds again. (I'm sure she'll go through a few more stages like this though. Ugh.) Even so, she still wants mommy at bed time and other key times. Oh well. Just how it is.
With your DS being so young, feeding would be a decent idea. Wouldn't hurt for you to be out of sight for a while and let them play. Maybe DH giving your boy a new toy for them to enjoy together? I don't know. Just make sure that DH keeps trying. Tell him every baby does it and not to take it personally. (Tell him it will probably be your turn soon. This is a bit of a lie most likely, but it will make him feel better! lol.)
I really think this is just a common thing babies go through at that age. DS was the same way. He was very clingy with me. Like pp said, it goes in phases. Sometimes DS is more clingy, but he has always preferred me - and I'm not a SAHM. I do spend more time with him, though. Moms really give them a lot of comfort, which is just what they need at that age. Now that DS has gotten older and more independent - he will often go to DH more. He has fun with DH, but he still comes to me for comfort. Its just a mommy thing.
I think DH's just have to deal with it. Mine picks DS up from the babysitter everyday and has him for an hour, does bath time, feeds solids sometimes, wears him when we go for walks, etc. but DS still favors me. DH is okay with it now, but for a while, he was getting his feelings hurt. I think it will all get better eventually.
Thanks for the advice ladies - I had a feeling it was just one of those things, but am feeling badly for DH. I have BFing as a way of comforting, and he's got nothing that comes close lol.
I will just work on getting him more involved in the process and hope it passes. I love having such a tight bond with DS, but not at the expense of DH, you know?
Yeah, and its nice to get a break sometimes too. Around that age, DH used to have to hold DS in the bathroom while I showered because DS would cry otherwise! Crazytown!
You know what? I'm 33 and there are just many times I still prefer my Mom over my Dad in life situations... and my husband : ) That's just the strong bond of a mommy and her child.
It's normal, but I like ppls suggestions on them having a DS and Dad day... maybe they could take a swim class or something together?
more than anything, it's just a phase - a very long one, but still a phase - i'm a SAHM and Sydney and i have been pretty much attached at the hip - but within the last couple of months she is becoming more and more a Daddy's Girl - she runs to the door when he comes home - she asks for him during the day - when she gets fussy she cries for him - i don't mind because she's been on me 24/7 the last 19 or so months so it's nice to get a break!
i would suggest having your DH hold him more often when he's calm or sleeping - they'll both get used to being with each other and it will make the transition easier