Community› The Bump Message Boards› Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
New Discussion

I hate how m/c are not "really" talked about...

bbetsonbbetson
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

When we found out we were pregnant we told our families and then we each told one friend... because what if the unspeakable happened. During the last week we have leaned on our friends so much and the support has been great.  I can't imagine going through this without their support. 

About a year ago one of my good friends randomly started crying at work, she had just had a D&C and I had no idea she was pregnant.  This last week I've been talking with her too.  But, had I not been at the right place at the right time I never would have known about her m/c and I wouldn't have had her to lean on this last week.  And it seems like when people find out they ALL have a personal story...themselves, sister, sister in law, best friend...somebody they're close to has had a m/c. 

It seems like we keep it a secret and don't tell anybody, and I will admit it was awful initially telling people, but now I am so glad we did.  And lately I often wonder...if more people shared their stories would it be easier to find a support system when it happens to somebody else?  With the statistics as high as they are for a miscarriage...it's amazing how society doesn't talk about it, heck even doctors proceed like there is no chance of a problem.  Of course it's a terrible, terrible subject...but maybe if it wasn't so "taboo" the whole experience would be different?  I don't know..I might just be rambling....but I do feel like I should tell all my friends...because what if it happens to one of them in the future?  I'd like to be a somebody they can come to for support, you know?

Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Report Reply to Post

Re: I hate how m/c are not "really" talked about...

  • rioleighrioleigh

    In my case, I don't know HOW to talk about it.  No one even knew we were pregnant.  Plus, I know that it will be really hard telling the important people.  We took Jacob for his 18 month check up, and I had no problem telling the pedi, but when I called my mom, I could barely talk.  I know that other people will hurt right along with us, and I know of a few girls who have been through the same thing, but I know that it's going to be so HARD.

    Then, of course, you have people who won't really understand because to them, the baby never "really" existed.  (Which, of course, we know is the farthest thing from the truth.)

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • Hope0910Hope0910
    I feel the same way. I told my family and 3 close friends that I was pregnant.  They were all very supportive when I miscarried.  I have decided I want to be more open about my miscarriage because I have heard that it is healing to talk about it.  It is not like I am announcing that I had one, but if it comes up in conversation I mention it.  Yesterday, a friend asked me if I was going to try soon for a baby.  I replyed that I had a miscarriage 3 weeks ago and explained the story.  My pregnancy loss is now a part of me and does not need to be a secret.  Hopefully, other woman can start to feel comfortable about sharing their losses, too. 
    Report Reply
  • MaryEllenMaryEllen member
    I was just talking to DH about this..it seems like many people feel that a m/c shouldn't be talked about. We had told several friends and our entire family, and told them right away about the m/c. I have even been telling friends who didn't know we were pregnant about the m/c just because it feels good to get it out. Some people have seemed uncomfortable with me telling them which makes me sad. I wish it was a topic that nobody needed to discuss, but I agree that it should be talked about more since it is so common.
    My Cooking Blog

    Avery Corinne - Born 7/9/10 at 37w2d
    image
    Report Reply
  • someflower6someflower6 member

    i think this is something every woman who has had a loss realizes. i remember when i was ignorant to all this... the pre-loss someflower, when i thought that it was "no big deal" and that an early loss was "common" and that women just "get over it."

    and this is why i feel i SHOULD talk to people about it. because i think, in general, people just don't understand how incredibly difficult a loss is for a woman. i feel like if i don't talk about it, then i am just contributing to their ignorance, and i have no basis to complain about the dumbasss comments they make. i feel i am contributing to an event that is already so isolating... by sharing my experience, i hope  that i can help educate others so that if they see anyone else go through a loss, they can remember my experience and remember how to help that person.

    october 15th is pregnancy loss awareness day. i plan on linking to it on facebook and maybe putting a blog up on my myspace.

    Report Reply
  • eb1113eb1113 member

    My DH and I have realized that while it is not really talked about, once it happens to you and you do start to talk about it with others that you realize how many people have had a miscarriage.  My DH works with a few people that went through a very similar experience as we did.  He never knew that before.  I know it REALLY helped him to have people to lean on.  (While we didn't tell a lot of people, we told family and a few important people at our jobs.)

    My mom had a miscarriage inbetween my sister and I.  It was never really talked about, but I knew about it.  Since it has happened to me, my mom has been a HUGE support since she has "been there done that" before.  

    I agree with everyone.  It would be more helpful if we were able to talk to others about it.  But, it is just so hard to talk about.  I guess that is why it is such a good thing this board exists.  If we don't have others in our lives we can turn to for support, there are other women here who have been through it and know how we feel. 

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
  • MSC03MSC03 member

    Everyone knows my situation because they all knew I was pregnant. I'm pretty open about it and I refuse to feel ashamed--It was an awful thing to have happen to me through no fault of my own and yes--I'm sad.

    I think this surprises people sometimes because they expect me to be crying all of the time, hiding, and not want to answer their questions.

    imageimage
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"