Blended Families
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HEART-TOUCHING
so my stepson who lives with us full time and has not seen BM since infanthood told me y-day that he thinks of me as his belly mom(birth mom) and that rosy(bm) did not have him in her belly, that he was in my belly. When he mad he say he dont like me but never anything about his bm, i mean this is heart touching to me. He really thinks of me as his mom.
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Re: HEART-TOUCHING
how long have you been in his life?
Did you post here before that the kids lived with their grandparents in Maryland and you were waiting to get them with you? Not that it really matters, you just seem "familiar".
I thought so.
Okay, here is the thing-and please know I do mean this in the nicest way possible. You have been in his life for less than 2 months. That is really not enough time to form that "mom" kind of bond. As a matter of fact, it sounds like this childs life has been so unstable that he is clinging on to anyone he can for that stability. Has he been to any type of counseling? If not, it's time to start. he has been through a lot in his life, and he has now been taken away from the only "home" that he has ever known.
We had the "who gets called mom" discussion the other day. And I think that if you are going to be the "mother" figure in his life, then great. But, I do think it is way to soon to be going in that direction now. It sounds like he was being prompted to say these things.
I am glad that it is going well, and that they are finally in the care of you and your H. But, take things slow, and make sure that the kids are getting the emotional/mental care that they need.
Ditto this! Kids will bond incredibly quickly to someone that they feel they can trust and rely on. I think its great that you have taken him into your heart so openly and are creating that connection with him so quickly. There are no words for how touching and rewarding it is to become such an important person in the lives of your step children. Kudos to you! Keep up the love and good work!
I'm rather with Paris on this. It's wonderful to hear, it's wonderful that he says that, but from what I recall of earlier posts he's had a pretty unstable life and any sign of stability and affection will be like scratching a puppy's belly that wants love and attention. Keep scratching and he'll keep loving. Keep scratching and someday it will be real and not just "I love her because she hugs me sometimes, which is better than I've ever had in the past" to "I love her and Dad because they've been there for me and they've given me so much love and stability and I can't show them enough how much what they've done for me means to me."
It takes more than two months, but you're well on your way. Keep scratching and let him know he's loved and he'll grow up into a loved and loving and *stable* person, not someone that loves at the first sign because someone shows him affection.