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Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
roxyttandme
member
I think I hate MIL! We are breaking all ties
roxyttandme
member
MIL is a total nut job. When we were loosing DD and deliverying - she decided to drive 2 hours away to tend to a rental property rather than be by our side. My mom was in LA (600 miles away) @ disneyland w/ my brother and his kids. She was on a plane w/in 1 hour of a phone call and didn't leave our side for almost a week. Just goes to show the different in responses.
After I delivered, MIL didn't call, didn't check in, didn't offer to help or be supportive. In fact, 1 month pp - she called to tell us that she will no longer be joining us for the monthly family dinners we put on our house any longer. She also stated that she didn't want any phone calls from us, no visits, and no gifts during b-days/holidays. As you can probably imagine- we were crushed by her response. I really feel like she turned her back on us during our loss- and was supportive once ounce. She abandoned us during our greatest time of need. She had no right to cause us more pain -no one does.
So, I had to call MIL today to let her know that DH was really sick and might be admitted into hospital (which he wasn't and he is on the mend). I told her we were planning to have the monthly family dinner- and she was more than welcomed to come. She stated that she will no longer be attending or be apart of the family anymore. She said that we think abou things differently than she does- and she needs to take care of herself. Whatever that means! I told her how bad it made me feel that she basically turned her back on us during our greatest time of need. And her response was- well, you never called me... Are you f-ing kidding me? Why should we have to be the ones to reach out? We lost our daughter and this is the crap she pulls on us!?!?! DH is so pissed- he said he is going to end all ties to her and it is over. I told him to think about that for a long time and I didn't want to come inbetween him and his mom.
I am just so hurt that she is pulling this emotional BS on us! I just think it is so cruel to do that to someone in such pain. It is such a spit in the face.
I hate my MIL and will trade any of you sight unseen. She is such a rotten human being! Sorry for the strong language- but, she can eat sh!t! I am so pissed.
vent over...
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I think I hate MIL! We are breaking all ties
I'm sorry. That has to be a lot to deal with. It sounds like she's pretty self-involved and unable to be supportive. I know it hurts that she's pulling away, but maybe it's for the best - would you rather her be there and be judgmental and self-involved?
Still, I'm really sorry.
My Blog
I am really sorry that you have to deal with this and that this woman's malfunction causes you pain. You can borrow my MIL if you want, she's real nice and gives hugs when you need them.
(((hugs))))
I really am sorry.
Labor Buddy to Blowfish11
DS - 9/12/08 9 lbs 22.5 in.
Natural M/C 9/21/09 at 8w 1d baby measured 6w 3d
DS2 - 7/13/10 10 lb 2.5 oz. 21.5 in
DD1 - 9/21/12 9 lbs 4 oz. 22.5 in
Baby #4 due Spring of 2014!
BFP 8/18/09 cycle #7
Missed m/c 9/16/09 (7w6d, baby measuring 6w1d)
D&E 9/25/09 at 9w1d
BFP 11/25/09 1st cycle after D&E
DS born @36w2d
~~~Labor Buddy to And Ketch~~~ BFPB to LoveBeingAWife33008
She made it clear last night on the phone that it is "I" who she has a problem w/ and not DH. I was laying in bed last night thinking about our conversation. I just really hope her comment about "we just think differently" wasn't referring to the decision we made about our daughter. If it, I will go absolutely crazy on her. I hope she hasn't judged us for stopping our daughter's suffering.
I just don't understand how she can think it is was/is our responsibility to call her "and request" her support! She should be doing it to begin with. That is what a mother does!
Re: DH's comment that he is going to end all ties... I don't want to come in between him and his mom. Don't get me wrong- this is her problem and she is the one causing it. But, still, I think long term- it could cause some problems in a marriage and possibily resentment.
What do I do, ladies?????... I will not sign us up to be mistreated- and difinately would not allow this if and when we have children. Oh! Not sure if I meantined this in my OP- but I asked her since she was leaving us if that meant she didn't want anything to do w/ our future children and she said she doesn't know yet. F- her! I think I can answer that question for her. The answer no- she is cut off!
Insult to injury.....
i'm really sorry you have to deal with all this. but i have to ask-- what could have possibly brought this on? were there issues before your loss? if not, was there something that was done or said that would make her think she wasn't "welcome" during your time of sorrow?
i have to say, i have dealt with some crazy with my family. my aunt and her parents (my grandparents) had very different opinions on everything, and ultimately they "disowned" her and refused to speak to her. she felt similarly about them.
but i warn you... when you "cut ties" with someone, it's often not a clean cut. there was so much anger and hostility, even after they stopped speaking. it consumed my grandparents... even while my grandfather was on his deathbed. my grandmother is still alive, but this has weighed very very heavily on her.
meanwhile, my mother and uncle (my aunt's siblings) are caught in the middle. my aunt is mad at everyone for "taking sides." it is messy and dramatic and every conversation they have ultimately comes back to what was done, what's being done, and what could be done, in dealing with my aunt.
sometimes, it may be wise to cut ties with someone-- when they are truly a toxic influence on your life and well-being. however, i just urge you not to make any decision out of anger. as sympathetic as i am to you, there are two sides to every story. what is REALLY going on with your MIL? where is this really coming from? is she truly a rotten human being, or could this just be a very huge misunderstanding?
i hope you get the answers you need, and the resolution that is necessary.
I think she is mentally ill. I don't mean to say that to hurt her feelings or put her down. I think that she has depression issues and is not mentally healthy. It is the only explanation I can think of. Dh was litterally crying for his mother while I was delivering and "MY" family held him. "MY" family had to call the Sheriff's office and put out an alert for her to come to the hospital. She didn't even take a cell phone w/ her that day. She knew I was in the hopsital and was being induced. Who does that!?!?
She used to call us up and complain that we weren't there for her... (long story) ... and now that we need her - she checks out. I am not going to beg her to support us or be apart of our and our future children's lives. Either she sees the value and wants to- or she doesn't.
I don't think she deals well in situations of high emotions. i think she just checks out. She is making this situation about her.... and it isn't. The only person that really counts in this situation is our daughter Haleigh. She is the one that suffered the greatest- she was the one who's entire life was nothing but pain and suffering. She is the one who is no longer with us! how dare she try to take the spot light off of Haleigh and play the "woes me" drama card. I hope she really is out of our lives for ever. I would never stand for her treating us or our children like this. She is so 86'd !!!
Agreed. unfortunately, I really think this needs to be DH's decision. It is his mom and I don't want him to think i tried to pull him away from his mother.
God, i just feel bad for DH. He must be so heartbroken that his own mother turns her back on him when he just lost a child. If i wouldn't go to jail- I would love to kick her ass.... (that was a little violent, wasn't it? Oh- well...)
Roxy, so sorry to hear she is being a whack job on this whole thing. Just goes to show that she is putting herself first over her own son and DIL which is preposterous if you ask me! Just goes to show what good friends and family you have when a time in need comes around. I am so mad that she is acting this and pointing the finger at you guys. That is just wrong, I wonder what she would've done in the same situation? Has she even thought about the circumstances you two were under... good gravy!
Keep your head up, you know what was right and don't let this awful woman bring you down.
i agree with the pps who suggested taking a long break right now. no matter what her issues are-- even if she does have mental issues-- you don't need to deal with them right now. you have your own issues to deal with. i hope in time you can come to some sort of civility with her.
also-- i'm glad DH did not have to go to the hospital and is on the mend. i hope he is feeling better.
I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. Losing a child is hard enough...throw in family drama that is unecessary and it just makes everything worse. Your "strong language" is nothing compared to what I have said about my MIL and she is no where near as heartless...just annoying. We have just started a MIL club at work...we are planning to meet once a month to vent about MILs. One of my friends has been having similar situations with her MIL and they are no longer talking to that side of the family. It is crazy that family could be more of a problem than need be. they are supposed to be around to help and instead they make matters worse.
Hang in there! keeping you in my thoughts for and upcoming BFP! ((hugs))