MIL VENT!!!!! I can't believe she said...(long)

Alana Latiolais · September 2009

So, I know that I have some requests that may not be typical or the norm when it comes to having a baby. I am trying to birth via Hypnobirthing, I do not want any visitors at the hospital, and I do not want any visitors for at least a week after we come home. Some of these things are subject to change, I realize that. I am not so closed minded that I can't realize things will change once things start happening. However, we have zero family near us. They are all 4-5 states away, so when they come to meet the first little grandbaby they will be flying in and staying for more than 1 night. The other part is, I am having a holiday baby. So, I realize that airfare will be pricey and it might be best to buy flights now. Because I am not planning to be induced or planning a c-section I cannot tell them what day I will deliver baby Will. So, I sent an email to my mom and my mother-in-law saying that if they wanted to go ahead and book their flights the earliest I would be comfortable scheduling anyone to visit is 2 weeks past my due date, which would put us at Jan 7th. My parents could come first, they only want to come for 3 nights then my in laws could come anytime they want after that and stay as long as they'd like. Well, my parents jumped on it and booked their flights, yay mom! Then my MIL tells me, "Well, mid January really isn't a good time for us." Ok, well, would later in January work for you? Probably. We left the conversation with she would pick some alternative dates and we would see what works for us. Last night she calls to tell me that they want to come Dec. 22nd - 27th!!!!!!! WHAT!!???

This would be my delivery week! I told her that I didn't think that would work for us because I would be in sit and wait mode and would not want to do anything while they were here. She says, "Well, we would just do our own thing if it was a bad time or we wouldn't include you." WHAT!!?? Like I want to just sit at home, by myself, while you take my husband out to fabulous dinners!!? Then I said, you know because this is a first baby there's a very real chance I will deliver well past my due date (which Christmas Eve). She said, well, I think you are going to deliver right on time. At this point I was so furious I could hardly speak on the phone. I was just trying to get off the phone so I could discuss this with my husband. Then she says..."You know, you guys really shouldn't have planned to have a baby at this time of year. It is really inconvenient for everyone." I seriously thought she was joking! So I said, oh I know, and kind of half laughed. She was not laughing and was dead serious!!!!

Let me throw in 2 things, 1) we had been trying to get pregnant for almost a year with 1 miscarriage in there and 2) I have been communicating the fact that we do not want anyone here for labor, delivery, the hospital, and the first days home, so this was not new information. So, my husband is calling them today to fix it. He can't understand why I didn't just tell her more clearly my wishes. I am not sure how much more clear I could have been, I mean, my parents understood and got it...why can't his!?

The point of all this was to avoid being overly emotional and hormone crazed when having visitors, I know how I am so I wanted to avoid those situations shortly after the baby arrived. And now she has made me mad anyway.

MAprincess · September 2009

Hah, so she expected to spend Christmas with you too just to be a PITA. Some people are like this (like my FIL-- luckily, MIL knows better and keeps him in line as much as she can). As long as you and DH are clear that they are more than welcome to come then if they understand they won't be seeing either of you OR staying with you, then more power to them. Psychos. Let us know how it goes with your DH.